Meaning

by Alexandra

Authors Note- Set after Amends. C/X, B/A, W/O. Read and enjoy

Angel pulled Buffy up onto her porch steps. "Good night," he whispered, kissing her nose, at which she giggled. "And thank you."

Buffy kissed him back. "What did I do?" she smiled sweetly. "I just yelled at you." There was an undertone of sadness, fear and light heartedness, if such emotions go together.

Angel raised her chin with his fingers. "It wasn't the snow that saved me, Buffy, it was you." And with that last comment, he turned and made his way down the street, black duster billowing behind him.

Buffy gave his back a small smile and went inside. Faith and Joyce were drinking hot chocolate in front of the fire, laughing and smiling. When she came in, they both jumped to their feet.

"B," Faith said, concerned. "Are you okay? Is Angel okay?"

"Buffy, no one was hurt?" Joyce went to her daughter's side immediately. "Everyone is okay, right?"

Buffy sighed and hung up her coat. "Everyone is fine - Angel's on his way back to the mansion and we are going to open Christmas presents together. Then the entire gang shall meet in the library for a Christmas Party."

Buffy walked across the room in three strides and grabbed the mug of hot chocolate. It had been sitting next to the fire place, and the pottery had become quite hot. Buffy hissed in pain, the mug slipped from her grasp and smashed on the edge of the fireplace. Cocoa splashed the leg of her jeans. As the tears started falling, she curled up on the couch, her distress obvious. She rocked back and forth, tears pouring down her face.

"I *sob* thought I'd *sob* lost him forever," she cried, as Joyce wrapped her arms around her daughter. "It was *sob* so close. If it hadn't snowed, he'd been gone."

"Shhh," Joyce stroked her daughter's hair. "Everything goes away eventually, honey, sometimes you need to let go of it. Like the butterfly. If you show it you're admiration by sticking it in a jar, it'll escape and leave forever. But if you give it freedom, it'll always come back."

Faith stood it front of the Summers' women, watching the exchange. But now, she had to say something. The comment about everything going away had just made Buffy's fears of everyone abandoning her worse.

Faith knelt in front of her friend. "Listen, B. Angel is always going to be there for you. If you guys weren't meant to be together, he wouldn't have lost his soul," Faith noticed Joyce's face go tense. "Or return from Hell. Obviously The Powers believe you guys belong together. All your Scooby Gang friends might leave you behind in Sunnydale, but I can guarantee Giles, your mum, Angel and I will always be there for you. And that's something that'll never change."

There was a long silence. Then Buffy sat up, properly. "You're right Faith," Buffy gave her a watery smile.

Joyce's face wasn't as happy as it had been 10 minutes earlier, but she tried to act natural.

"Gingerbread, anyone?" Joyce then eyed the cocoa-y stain on her carpet. "Let me get a rag to clean that up."

As her mother bustled around the kitchen, Buffy and Faith exchanged gifts. Buffy's present revealed a midriff black top with 'Vampires Suck' written in red diamontes. Faith's was a silver chain with a silver ring on it.

"Thanks so much, B," Faith hugged her best friend. Buffy hugged Faith back.

"No, Faith. Thank you."

Angel returned to the mansion, restless and upset. How could he have been so stupid as to commit suicide? The logical part of his brain told him that the First Evil had used magic to convince him. The rest of his brain kept screaming, 'What about your Buffy?' How could he exist in Hell or Heaven or wherever he ended up, without dying for her? Or with her?

Throwing his duster over the lounge, he swept into the kitchen and fed on the bagged blood that Whistler supplied for him on a regular basis. Which caused him another thought - where was Whistler when the First Evil was trying to destroy him and Buffy? Did the First Evil use magic to distract Whistler? Or was it an obstacle that he had had to fight on his own?

Choosing not to sleep, as he knew he wouldn't be able to, Angel opted for a few chapters out of a book he possessed - in a lost medieval German language. He read several chapters about a girl who fell in love with a poor boy and was sent away to her French cousins. It was in letter formation, and a true story, and not long after his fifth page, Angel swore his head began to ache. It was in three languages, hard to translate.

Tossing the book aside, Angel got out some paper and charcoal and began to draw the what had been on his mind all night - Buffy.

Whistler looked shocked. Granted, he'd seen a lot in the world, but this....this was new."Why make Angel human?" Whistler asked after a moment. The spirit smiled guiltily.

"Because my remaining essence almost drove Angel to suicide this very night," she cooed, stroking a white kitten. "I believe I need to make up for my past sin."

"Look Jen, it's all right I call you Jen, right? Good. Angel's bad ego killed your human form. Don'tcha think all's even?" Whistler was dying for a smoke, but felt evil smoking in a place that was pure white - the temple was carved out of diamond, white quartz and crystal. Jennifer Calendar was dressed in a long white gown and every speck of filth would show.

"It was my....bad ego who almost drove him to suicide," Jenny pulled a white rose from her hair. "There is no worse sin than suicide."

Whistler shook his head. *She's nuttier in death than Drusilla in life!* he thought. "So, humanity?" Whistler said out loud. Jenny gave a definite nod.

"Consider it done," Whistler said, and turned to leave the temple and to have a smoke.

He was dying for one.

Buffy lay in bed Christmas Night, thinking about Angel. She missed him. He was there, but the closeness they had shared before he turned bad had dissipated since his return.

Buffy had noticed the tight expression Joyce had worn when Faith mentioned Angel. Buffy knew Joyce hated Angel. Hated the fact he was a vampire... Buffy also knew that Joyce had told her sister, Dorene, about Buffy's 'extra curricular activities' and Angel. Dori was very eccentric and completely believed Joyce. But one line from the conversation still upset Buffy....

*Phone Conversation*
"She's fallen for a 200+ vampire....Oh, he's got a human soul....I can't just pretend it's fine, Dori! To me, vampires are vermin. Something that needs destroying quickly and cleanly. If no one else will make Buffy leave Angel, I will..."
*End Phone Conversation*

Buffy felt tears gather in her eyes. Her mother really hated Angel. But he was her future. Even if her future was short, she would have Angel. Even Faith had convinced her that.

Rolling over, Buffy tried to get some sleep.

Angel was touching up the fifth of his drawings of Buffy that night. He looked outside, sighing. All he wanted was to live a mortal life with her. But that was impossible, he was cursed with vampirism.

Then his mind protested - *If you hadn't been a vampire, you never would've met her? Then you would have married some soppy twit!*

Angel's mouth twisted up into the smile Buffy loved so much. Even thinking of her made his unbeating heart a little lighter...

"Yo, Angel, my man!" came a familiar shout from the door. Whistler stood there, a bottle of whiskey in one hand, a cigarette in the other.

"Whistler," Angel snapped, placing his drawings on the coffee table. "What do I owe this *pleasure*?"

Whistler glanced at the book Angel had been reading earlier. "Whoa, what an icky book. A definite brain strain," Whistler then saw the sketches of Buffy. "Ahh, the Slayer. Half the reason I'm here."

Angel's head whipped up fast, his anger at Whistler whooshing out the window.

"Buffy? What's happened?" he asked, moving towards his collection of weapons.

Whistler chuckled. "Calm down, buttercup. The other half of the reason is you."

Angel growled at him. "If you're here about the first eve, Buffy and I dealt with it - without help from you, I may add."

Whistler held up his hands in protest. "Geez Ang, be gentle. Actually, the reason I'm here is cause I'm going to grant you your greatest wish and all that *yawn*."

Angel stood back. "I'm listening," he said, raising his eyebrow.

"I'm not sure now...you did threaten me...." Whistler then caught the I-will-kill-you-if-you-annoy-me look from Angel. "The Powers have decided to grant you your humanity."

Angel's eyes bulged at Whistler's words....*Human? Me be human? But...Buffy will die...*

Whistler obviously read the expression on Angel's face. "Yeah, Jen worked it out for you two crazy kids. You become strong - like a male Slayer. But this is sort of an apology for sending her bad ego after you. I thought after you killed her, you guys were ven, but....all right, I'll cast the spell."

Pulling out a small felt pouch from his pocket, Whistler poured some purple sand into his hand. He blew it onto Angel and then shouted, "Break the curse held so long, turn him human like everyone!"

Lightening crackled through the Main Hall and struck Angel in the chest. As he writhed around on the floor, Whistler blew some green sand onto him, for strength.

"Have fun with that girl of yours!" Whistler called cheerfully, leaving the mansion. That solved one problem. Now the next....

Where could he find a decent single malt whisky in the Hell hole.

Buffy woke up to her mother knocking on the door.

"Buffy, it's time to get up!" Joyce called.

Buffy noticed her mum's voice sounded upset.

"Later!" Buffy buried her face under the pillows.

"You have guests!" Joyce replied.

"Uhhhhh!" Buffy pulled herslef up and began to dress.

Top that Faith gave her, jean shorts, platform sandals and braided hair. She ran downstairs, in silent debate whether it was Xander, feeling dejected after his family's drunken Christmas celebration, or her father, bearing presents that were thrown back at him from his secretary.

Surprisingly, Cordelia and Willow waited at the bottam of the stairs, looking almost giddy with happiness. Oz stood by the door wearing his usual expression.

"Buffy!" Willow squealed. Cordelia held a black silk scarf in her hands.

"Spin around and let me put this on you," Cordelia instructed with a smile.

"Guys, this isn't some stupid Christmas prank, is it?" Buffy laughed, half heartedly protesting the scarf being tied around her eyes. "Oz?"

Oz shook his head. "Trust me, Buffy, when I say, this is something you'll like."

Willow and Cordelia led her outside, Buffy stumbling, not being able to see.

"Ready, Buffy?" Willow sounded almost hysterical. Buffy nodded and felt someone loosen the knot on the scarf.....

....And then she saw Angel standing in direct sunlight, smiling at her. Buffy's eyes went huge and for a moment, she wasn't sure if she was going to pass out or not. Then she threw her arms around Angel.

His arms tightened around her as he cradled her in his arms.

"How...who...why?" Buffy gasped.

"You missed when and where," Angel smirked.

Buffy wacked him on the arm.

"It ws Whistler. Making up for the First Evil. Coloured sand. Last night at the mansion," Angel leant down to kiss her.

All thoughts fled Buffy's mind. Except one... why weren't Giles and Xander here?

After a fun filled day around Sunnydale, Buffy and Angel were curled up in the mansion, talking, while watching 'Step Mom'.

"I can't believe this is real," Buffy smiled dreamily at Angel.

"I know - we can have a life together," Angel leant closer to her and they began to kiss.

Slowly, things began heating up and as Angel began to unbutton her top, when Willow raced in.

"Buffy! I'm sorry.....oops! Um, Xander and Giles....majorly pissed off!" she said in one breathe.

Buffy managed to button up her top and both Angel and Buffy leapt to their feet when Giles and Xander ran in.

"How dare you!" Xander yelled, looking angry.

"Xander, what is your problem?" Buffy demanded.

"He's a blood sucking fiend!" Xander yelled back. "He killed Jenny Calendar, he killed Teresa, he tried to kill both you and Willow! He should be floating around the bloody atmosphere, but he's not!"

"Just cause you've got a crush on Buffy, doesn't mena you have to spoil Christmas for her, Xander," Willow spoke up.

Buffy gave Xander a funny look. "This isn't about loving me, is it Xander?"

Xander refused to look at her. "He's killed millions and you want a family with him?"

"You're scared," Buffy whispered. "You're scared of him!"

Xander looked at her. "Shut up," he whispered.

"Why, Xander?" Buffy asked kindly.

Xander's fist shot out and caught Buffy in the jaw. Angel grabbed Buffy as she stumbled, a small trickle of blood on hern face.

"Oh God, Buffy!" Xander took a step towards her and then ran out of the mansion.

Giles glanced uneasily around at the shocked faces. "No, I didn't come here to abuse Angel. I merely came so I could reassure you that any....hatred....past, is just that. In the past. Everyone must deal with loosing a loved one at some stage in their life. Jenny and I weren't meant to be. But if Jenny has besotoed this gift on you, you and Buffy are meant to be. Excuse me, I need to run. I will see you all at the library later."

"I better run too," Willow smiled uneasily. "I'll go find Xander and talk to him."

"This isn't what I expected," Buffy sighed, curling up next to Angel on the lounge.

"You mean, you expected Xander to just accept you and I are back together?" Angel touched her lip. Buffy recoiled, hissing in pain.

"We were back together," Buffy gave him a black glare. "Or were you just playing me?"

"Shh," Angel kissed her. "We were together, but only mind and soul."

"What's the thrid one again?" Buffy gave Angel a coy smirk.

"Body," Angel's eyes darkened and his hands began traveling lower down.

"Bedroom," Buffy squealed. "Or someone might burst in on us."

"Mmmm."

Nothing interesting happened for a few months. Xander avoided everyone - barely spending time with Cordelia - just so he couldn't think about hitting Buffy.

Cordelia spent a lot of lunchtimes in the company of Willow or Buffy, sobbing her eyes out. Often Oz, Angel or Giles would lend their own shoulders while Cordelia tearfully fretted about her Xander-missage.

Buffy had moved in with Angel after a rather funny incident while he made pasta...

Buffy lay in Angel's - their - bed, while Angel made dinner. Apparently, he had learnt to cook over the years and now it was paying off. Or so Buffy thought.

CRASH! A loud crash (duh) in the kitchen sent Buffy downstairs in nothing but an exceptionally short robe.

"Everything all right Angel?" she called, running her fingers through her hair.

"No." Came the short reply.

"Do you want to go pick up a pizza?" Buffy walked into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Yeah," Angel looked gratefully at Buffy. "Thank you."

"For what? I'll go and get dressed," Buffy wiggled her hips a little bit extra as she walked towards the stairs.

Angel shook his head and walked towards the washing basket, pulling on a t shirt and shoes.

Buffy bounced down, ten minutes later - jeans, boots and a black long sleeved top with 'www.naughtygirl.com' written in electric green on the front.

"I like the top," Angel raised an eyebrow.

"I wore it to school on Monday and Snyder gave me an after school detention...which I kinda forgot to do," Buffy winced at the memory. "And her lectured me on creating an example for the freshmen, sophomores and Juniors."

"Forget him - two months and you'll have graduated," Angel opened Buffy's door and they began to drive into town.

Buffy switched on the radio and 'Cry Ophelia' began playing. Silence swept through the car.

"I miss Xander," Buffy said sadly, leaning on Angel's shoulder.

"I know you do, baby," Angel wrapped his arm and around and kissed her forehead.

When he looked back at the road. A Porsche swerved into their car's path and slammed into Buffy's side of the car....

Angel jerked up, blinking rapidly. Where was he? It was dark..... and there was the smell of blood..... Angel suddenly remembered the accident . Gripping the seatbelt holding him back, Angel tore it in half and pulled himslef from the wreckage. The darkness of night surrounded him. The ligths from the Porsche where smashed and pretty much out.

Buffy....

The roaring noise of ambulance and policeman broke his thoughts. Two cops jogged over to him.

"What happened, sir?" the lady asked.

"The Porsche swerved and hit my car," Angel said. "My girlfriend - is she okay?"

"We'll know soon enough, sir," the male said, as the paramedics pulled Buffy from the wreckage. Her face was ghost white, a gash from her temple to her chin. Blood covered her arms and stomach.

"Buffy!" Angel croaked in shock.

Angel waited in the hospital, having been prescribed painkillers for his sore back. Buffy was still in theater and they couldn't get a hold of Mrs Summers.

Willow raced in, her hair still rumpled from sleep, her clothes mismatched, as was Cordelia's.

"What happened?" Willow cried.

"A car wreck," Angel said bleakly. "Five drunk kids. Three are dead, one is in intensive care and the last is having brain surgery. Buffy is in surgery, they believe her to have 'internal bleeding'."

"Angel," Giles rested his hand on Angel's shoulder. "She will be okay. These are qualified professionals."

Angel gave him a pained look. "She's in a coma. There's a fifty percent chance of waking up from a coma. She'd die without the surgery. But there's only forty percent chance she'll be able to deal with anethetic and a coma."

Giles, Willow and Cordelia sank into chairs, grief stricken. As ther hours ticked by, they were updated - nothing new.

Finally, eight hours after the accident, Buffy was returned to her room.

"She's still unconsious," the nurse said sadly. "Contact all her friends, as she might not survive these next twelve hours."

With this thought on his mind, Angel made his way to a phone box and dialed the Harris's number.

"Xander, there's been an accident...."

Xander ran into the hospital, punched the buttons on the lift, growled at them in frustration and took the stairs two at a time to level four.

The gang was there, crying. Buffy's tiny body lay in the pillows, pale and broken.

"Oh god," Xander said, blood fading fast from his face.

"She's dying," Cordelia whispered.

Silence. Then Angel heaved a sigh. "She might wake up. Might. If she does, she'll be fine. Except she won't be able to have children. If she doesn't stir within twelve hours, there's little chance of her waking up ever."

Xander felt tears building behind his eyes. Then he held out his hand to Angel.

"I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. I hope we can be friends. I was being stupid and childish because I felt I was loosing Buffy," Xander looked at Angel."Friends?"

"Friends," Angel shook Angel's hand. "We can deal with this as friends."

As the newly formormed gang gathered around the fallen Slayer's bed, there was more than a flicker of hope.

Friends kinda gave life a new meaning.

END.