Living Memory

by Felicity

Disclaimer: I own Vivien, the rest of them belong to Joss Whedon, FOX, Mutant Enemy, etc. etc.

Author's Notes: This is an IWRY-baby fic, pretty much, but with twists. Most of it takes place twenty two years in the future...It's slightly B/A, but it's not really majorly shippy for any couples. (okay, I lied, it turned out pretty B/A)

Spoilers: Major IWRY spoilers, some for To Shansu In LA

Feedback: PLEASE, I crave it!

Prologue

January, 2000

Light shimmered through the window, spilling across the table, across the beds, onto the carpeted floor of the dorm room. Buffy Summers lay on the bed and watched it fall, imagining a world in which that sunlight would not harm the man she loved. Knowing that that world had existed for a day. A day that had never happened, except in his mind, and hers. And one more place.

The door opened, and closed, interrupting her silent reverie, causing her to turn her blond head ever-so-slightly to regard the young woman that stood by the door now, regarding her with perpetually worried eyes.

She knew they worried about her, all of them, though Willow the most, because Willow slept near her at night, and heard her crying out as she wouldn't allow herself to do in the day, with the sunlight all around her. But they were all worried. Giles, Xander, her mother, Riley.even Anya. She couldn't tell them what was wrong. She couldn't tell them that it was impossible to concieve of going on with a life that was so much less than what she could have had.

And now there was one more thing she couldn't concieve of. One more thing she had no idea how to say.

"What's the matter?" Willow asked for the thousandth time since Buffy had come home too early from her trip to LA and lay down on her bed and not gotten up. Not for a while anyway, a few days, a week maybe. Then she had gotten up, and gone through the motions for them, but they'd all known it didn't mean anything. There was a look in her eyes, like something inside her had died, and she wouldn't say what. Now though, she was back on the bed, unmoving again, and the deadness that had come over her face in the last two months was gone, replaced by something else-perhaps even more frightening. Willow couldn't name it, but she could worry.

And then the oddest thing happened. Buffy found herself sitting up, and reaching out her arms to her best friend, who ran into them immediately, and before the Slayer knew what was happening she was crying, really crying for the first time, and the words spilled out of her mouth, an insane, incoherent story that was only too true.

When she was done, she sat quietly, letting Willow stroke her hair.

"Is it true?" Willow asked in a whisper, silent tears running down her face as well.

"Every word," Buffy promised. "And now I don't know what to do. I don't know how to live without him." She pulled away slightly, just enough to look into Willow's eyes. "And I'm pregnant Will."

Willow gasped, her eyes widening and one hand came up to cup Buffy's cheek as the blond Slayer looked away, her eyes sweeping the small, neat room with sunshine spilling in the window.

"What are you going to do?" she asked. Buffy shook her head numbly and then stopped suddenly and took a deep breath, her eyes fixed squarely on the light. Light he would never stand in again. Light she could give their child.

"I'm going to keep it," she said firmly. She looked back to Willow. "How could I not? This baby.it's all I have. It's ours. Mine and his. It's like.a gift from the Powers That Be. One thing to remember that day by, as if I could ever forget it. One thing to embody all that perfection."

"Are you sure?" Willow asked. Buffy nodded calmly, her path suddenly very clear. "Are you going to call Angel?"

Buffy had been expecting the question. She avoided Willow's eyes as she answered, "No." Willow stiffened a little, whether in shock or disapproval Buffy didn't know.

"But-it's his baby too," she pointed out. Buffy shook her head, her expression slightly pleading as she turned it back to Willow.

"It would just make it harder for both of us. He doesn't know I remember. I'd have to explain why I didn't tell him and.and he'd come back. I know he would. Angel is too honorable to let me raise this baby by myself," Buffy explained.

"But isn't that what you want?" Buffy shook her head.

"Not on those terms. Of course I want to be with him but.it doesn't work with us the way things are. It never would. Being that close, both remembering what it was like to be closer-it would be hell. It would be torture, every second. And even if it wasn't-I'd always wonder if he really wanted to be with me. He left me Will. If he came back, it would be for the baby, not for me, and I couldn't handle that. I would start to hate him and the baby. I wouldn't have a real relationship with him, but I'd never be able to have one with anyone else either. Besides.he's doing well in LA. He's.happy there. As happy as he can be anyway. And he's helping people. I don't want to mess that up for him."

Buffy waited with baited breath, but Willow's eyes, when they looked back, were understanding. The witch squeezed her friend's hands.

"I understand. But how do you expect to keep him from knowing? Xander couldn't even keep quiet about Angel being in town, you think he'll be able to keep his mouth shut about you having his child?"

"Xander won't know," Buffy said firmly. Willow gave her a confused look. "Not about the baby, he'll have to know about that. But about Angel. No one will know. I'll say that I was depressed after seeing Angel. Everyone will believe that. And that I went out that night and got roaringly drunk. And that I slept with a man I didn't know and was so embarrassed the next morning that I left without finding out his name. Then no one will be able to question the dates, and no one will expect me to find the father. And no one will mention anything to Angel."

Willow stared at her, slightly shocked.

"You're really going to tell everyone that you're having a stranger's baby? Aren't you afraid of what people will think?" Willow asked. Buffy shook her head, the odd look entering her eyes again.

"It doesn't matter. I know that this baby was conceived through love. And she'll know it too somehow."

"She?" Willow whispered. Buffy shrugged, losing the look for a moment.

"Or he." Her eyes met Willow's. "Please, promise you'll never tell a soul?"

"Never," Willow swore. She kissed Buffy's forehead and put her arms around her best friend as the Slayer curled against her and closed her eyes. "I just want you to be happy. I hope this will make you happy."

Buffy let Willow rock her, shut her eyes to the sunlight, and sang silently to the baby in her womb, her living memory of the day that never was.

Part One

September 2022

The office was large and bright, and very neat except for the pile of papers and unsorted mail on the desk. Vivien McKeely arched an eyebrow at the picture presented-not a spot of dust on anything, but a desk that obviously hadn't been used in days, if not weeks-and closed the door of Angel Investigations behind her.

"Hello?" she called, taking a step into the office. "Mr. Angel?"

A sound came from the next room and suddenly the door into the next office opened, revealing a tall, broad-shouldered, very handsome man that looked to be in his mid to late twenties. They blinked at each other, his face frozen in some sort of shock, and hers just surprised-seeing as she'd found his card in a very old file, she'd expected him to be older. Unless of course, this wasn't Angel.

"You okay?" Vivien ventured after a moment, as the haunted look in his dark eyes didn't pass. She knew she was an attractive young woman, with short, dark blond hair and deep black eyes, but she didn't usually get this reaction. He started, his eyes seeming to focus again and he nodded.

"Sorry, you.look like someone I used to know. How can I help you?" he asked.

"Mr. Angel?" she ventured.

"Just Angel," he replied, nodding. She nodded in return, arching an inward eyebrow at someone named Angel-"just Angel." Not like he would be the weirdest person she'd ever met. She really shouldn't be talking. "Do you have a.problem?"

"No, no," Vivien assured him. He looked slightly crestfallen and her mouth turned up at the edge. "My name's Vivien McKeely, I'm here to ask you about the job. You're looking for a new assistant?"

"Yes, I am," he said quickly. "How did you hear about it?" Vivien shrugged. In truth, she'd heard her mother's best friend mention something and had remembered seeing the business card in her mother's old files. She'd dug it up and.and come. If Willow knew she was here, she'd slin her alive, or turn her into a toad or something. Luckily, Willow didn't know, and what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. And Vivien was not going to be talked out of this one.

"I have sources," she said mysteriously, flashing him her brightest smile. His eyes looked slightly disturbed again, but then that was hidden behind an emotionless mask she had a feeling was his usual expression.

"Well, why don't you come into my office then?" he asked, gesturing towards the open door. Vivien nodded and walked ahead of him into the room, feeling a little awkward. This man had an odd air.as if he was as old as she'd thought he would be. But that, obviously, was impossible. Well, probably. She could ask Willow about it, but she didn't want Willow to demand why she wanted to know.

Angel followed her into the room and gestured for her to take a seat in the chair in front of his desk. She did so, settling her purse on her lap and glancing around. The room was just as neat as the outside one, with the added bonus of not being covered with papers. A clock sat beside an ancient Chinese vase and several little metal gadgets that Vivien wasn't sure she wanted to know about on the edge of his desk. Along the a variety of ancient swords, axes and crossbows hung. He sat down behind it and folded his hands in his lap, eyeing her. Vivien eyed him back for a moment, then started and pulled out her resume from her bag, handing it to him.

"Here's my resume. As you can see I graduated last year from UC Berkeley, on a full scholarship, but I've also been working since I was fifteen. I've had lots of experience as a secretary, and collecting information," Vivien explained as he read over the resume, his face still completely expresionless. She realized she was babbling and shut her mouth quickly. She really wanted this job. Just enough to talk herself straight out of the running. Though by the look of the front room, there weren't that many other applicants. Or maybe he was just really choosy.

Angel looked up finally, eyeing her. She eyed him back, her mouth pressed in a tight line, her hands clutching each other. She had given up wanting things in the last seven years. Well, for the most part. She'd pretty much taken what she could get. But she really wanted this. She couldn't even quite explain it to herself, but if this Angel did what she thought he did.She really wanted to help. She didn't even care what it paid. Much.

"This looks great," Angel said, a 'but' obvious in his voice, even to Vivien who had known him about two minutes now.

"But." she prompted. He flashed a small smile at her and she smiled back involuntarily, though her heart was sinking.

"But this isn't exactly a normal detective agency. We deal with things here that aren't.well, I just need someone that's familiar with the area. I'm very sorry," he said, holding her resume out to her. Vivien blinked, laughing inwardly at herself.

"I am familiar with it," she replied quickly. "That is, if you mean demons.that is what you do here, isn't it? I was hoping."

It was Angel's turn to look slightly stunned. He gave her a reappraising look, and his eyes narrowed as if he was calculating something.

"How do you know about demons?" he asked quietly. Vivien avoided his eyes and chose the easiest answer.

"My father was killed by a Mohra demon when I was fifteen," she said softly, almost telling the truth. He had been killed by a Mohra-or rather, about twenty of them. So it wasn't much of a lie.

"I'm sorry." She dared a look upwards and found that he really did look sorry, though his expression had hardly changed at all. How did he do that? She gave a tiny shrug, swallowing the lump in her throat at the thought of Kevin-her stepfather really, but she'd always considered him her real father.

"It's all right. I researched them a lot and.well, I know a lot about them. I can fight a little too. I've been taking Tae Kwon Do since I was little. I really want to fight them. When I heard about this job I thought maybe this would be my opportunity," she told him, everything but the first completely true. His dark eyes were understanding and somehow.familiar. She smiled suddenly. "Also, you really look like you could use some organization skills."

Angel smiled back, the shadows in his eyes nearly banished, and glanced out the glass pane into the front room. "Yeah, well my assistant since I founded the agency moved three weeks ago and her replacement wasn't up to the job. It's hard finding someone who is. Cordelia was amazing-well, she is amazing. She's just in New York now."

Cordelia, that's who she'd heard mentioned. Willow had been talking to Xander, her mother's other best friend. Guess who I heard from yesterday? Cordelia Chase, of all people. Turns out she's moving to New York with her family. I guess Angel's looking for someone to help him. I told her that we need all the help we can get on our end, we didn't have anyone to spare.

But they had Vivien. Who was now watching Angel with hope hidden deep in her dark eyes and wondering if she should ask how long it had been since he had founded the company.

Angel's eyes drifted back to her and he looked her over once more, assessing. "Don't you want to know about salary and benefits?" he asked.

"I don't care," Vivien said quickly, then cursed herself for being such an idiot. "That is.it is paid right?" Angel half-smiled, and nodded.

"Right. I paid Cordelia $15 an hour. You should be warned though, there's a lot of overtime. And it can be a very dangerous job."

Vivien grinned, elated at the pay (most of her jobs had been at minimum wage-$9 an hour). "I laugh in the face of danger," she grinned, quoting Xander. "Then I hide until it goes away.No, really," she finished hurriedly, seeing another odd look on his face, "I'll be fine with that. I'm used to danger. Are you offering me the job?"

"Will you take it?" Angel asked cautiously. Vivien nodded, slightly speechless now that she had what she wanted. Not that she usually didn't get it-when Vivien put her mind to something, she nearly always succeeded-but she usually didn't let herself want.

"When do you want me to start?" she asked, glancing at her watch. It was three in the afternoon. Willow wasn't expecting her until eight that evening, but she'd thought she would go visit her grandfather before going home.and packing her stuff she realized. She'd have to stop by the apartment building and tell the owner she definitely wanted the apartment.

"As soon as possible," Angel said, glancing at the pile of papers again. Vivien laughed softly.

"Well, I could put in a couple of hours now," she offered, calculating how long it would take her to drive to the apartment and then back to Sunnydale.

"That would be great," Angel said, standing up. He held out his hand and Vivien took it, surprised at how cold he was. Not that it was overheated in the office, it was nice and airconditioned, but she was still warm even in a very light weight calf-length dress. "Welcome to Angel Investigations. I hope you like it here."

Vivien stopped worrying about how cold he was and smiled up into his dark eyes, believing despite every instinct that screamed at her not to, that maybe she would.

"So I'll see you Monday morning," Vivien said, glancing up from her filing. She closed the cabinet drawer and stood up, ignoring Angel's offered hand.

"Right. Don't worry about the time, I'm not really an early riser," Angel said yet again. "If I'm not up, just let yourself in. You know where to start?"

"With the Ludman case," Vivien assured him. She picked up her purse and swung it over her shoulder and then walked towards the door. Angel watched her, none of the emotions he felt showing on his face as her small, slender body and the smooth, confident way she walked brought back memories of another blond young woman, so many years ago. She paused at the door and looked back, raising a hand to him with a little smile. Angel waved back and then she walked out, leaving him staring after her with an unsettled feeling.

She didn't really look that much like Buffy. Her hair was darker, her eyes completely different, her brow higher, her nose straight and aquiline, her mouth narrower. She was more of a classic beauty compared to Buffy's blond charm. But there was something.Angel brushed it off as stress and old memories, best forgotten. He'd been on edge lately, without Cordelia around to tease him into good humor or demand he tell her what was wrong that very instant. When Vivien had walked in and he'd thought he was seeing Buffy.it had just been a memory. A vision. Besides, Buffy surely looked different now. Twenty two years. Angel looked just the same.

He'd thought at first maybe Vivien was Buffy's daughter, though she introduced herself as a McKeely-after all, Buffy had gotten married, and he'd never known the name of the man. But her resume and the age obvious in her eyes and demeanor told him she was at least twenty one, probably older, and Buffy had only been married sixteen years before. Besides, he'd spoken to Buffy twenty two years ago, and there had been no mention of pregnancy, or even a boyfriend. They'd argued over the phone about Faith five months after she had come to L.A. and he had been human for a day that wasn't.

No, Vivien wasn't related to Buffy. He'd been a fool to think it. She was just another hurt young woman, trying to do what she could to fight the evil that had injured her. He'd seen too many of them in his time-hurt young women that was. Most of them didn't try to fight.

Angel sighed, though he didn't need to, and walked out of the front office, to his desk, settling down, staring at the clock that had once counted down the seconds until his humanity was gone. Oh, not forever. Someday, according to Wesley's translations of prophecy, he would live again. When was harder to figure out. It could be a month, or three hundred years when everybody he loved was dust, buried beneath the earth. What would be the point of humanity then?

Darkness began to settle over the office, but Angel paid it no mind. He was used to it. He wondered if this girl would last, if she would be able to take the pressure and deal with the horrors he faced everday. Amazingly enough, he found himself hoping she would.

"Hi Aunt Will," Vivien said cheerfully, kissing the older woman's cheek as she brushed past her into the large, spacious house. She set down her bag on the couch and walked into the kitchen. Willow followed her, the distracted look she got so often when dealing with Buffy's daughter crossing her face.

"How did the job interview go?" she asked.

"Peachy," Vivien assured her, opening the fridge and helping herself to a bottle of carrot juice as she pulled herself up to sit on one of Willow's immaculate counters. "I started today."

"It's just secretary work?" Willow asked yet again.

"I swear. My boss seems really nice. A little.broody. You know the type? Tall, dark and handsome, can't go ten minutes without a scowl?" Willow's mouth inched upwards.

"I've met one or two. Would you get off the counter? I talked to your mother."

Vivien paused in the middle of a sip of juice, setting the bottle down with remarkably steady hands.

"She got to a phone huh?" she asked. Willow nodded.

"She sounded good. She asked about you. She was glad you were getting a job in L.A. She always liked it there."

"Apparently," Vivien muttered under her breath. Willow gave her a sharp look and Vivien hastened to ask, "Does she want me to bring her anything Sunday?"

"No, she said she's all right," Willow replied. Vivien nodded and hopped down from the counter, taking a long drink of the carrot juice and then starting out of the room. "Aren't you going to eat dinner?" Willow called after her.

"I ate on the way home," Vivien lied without looking back over her shoulder. "I'm gonna go read."

"Sure you're all right?" Willow called, standing alone in her spotless white kitchen, looking forlorn. Vivien didn't see her though, since she didn't turn around as she mounted the stairs to the room she had occupied for the last seven years, except during college.

"Fine!" Vivien yelled back, and dissapeared into her room, unable to admit to the woman that had loved and cared for her since she lost both her parents at age fifteen, that she was never really fine at all.

Part Two

Vivien had been working at Angel Investigations about a week before she realized what was wrong. For one, her boss never came into the sunlight. And sometimes, when she watched him out of the corner of her eye, he didn't seem to be breathing. And he wouldn't let her drive him anywhere, he seemed to have some other mysterious form of transportation. One afternoon, she grabbed his wrist to pull him over to the computer to show him information on their latest case and she realized it. He had no pulse. He was not, in fact, alive at all.

Vivien dropped Angel's wrist like it was on fire and leapt back into the sunlight, pulling a stake from one of the concealed sheathes she'd stolen from her mother's old trunk.

"You're a vampire!" she shouted, brandishing the stake at him. Angel hung back, concern written in every line of his body.

"Vivien, I can explai-" he began.

"What?! Explain how you happen to be a blood-sucking demon living in a dead human's body?! God, I am such an idiot!" she raged at herself. Giles would strangle her with his bare hands if he realized what a fool she'd been. She'd walked right into his clutched. She'd trusted him completely. And now there was only enough sunlight to shield her while she stood directly by the window. There was no way she could get out the door without him grabbing her.

"You don't understand," Angel sighed. "I have a soul."

Vivien froze, eyeing him with trepidation. "That's impossible."

"It's not impossible. I was cursed by Romany gypsies. I was given my soul until I experienced one moment of true, pure happiness."

"When was this?" Vivien demanded, still not lowering her stake.

"1898. I spent almost a hundred years skulking around feeling guilty and then.and then I decided I needed to help. So I've been doing what I can to stop the spread of evil. It's the truth Vivien. If I wanted to kill you, I'd have had plenty of opportunities by now," Angel pointed out.

"So? Maybe you have some evil plan!" Vivien exclaimed. Angel watched her patiently.

"I can't make you believe me. But it's true. I drink pig's blood, in bags. You can go look in my fridge if you want to. I have not killed a human in.in a very long time."

Vivien noticed he did not say one hundred and twenty four years. Her lips tightened.

"How long?" she demanded. He stilled.

"In 1998 I.experienced a moment of true happiness. I didn't know about the clause in the curse. I turned evil again for four months, before my soul was restored and I was.sent to Hell as a consequence of my demon's actions."

"How do I know that won't happen again?" Vivien demanded, finding herself believing him against her better judgement. His eyes met hers, both dark, his completely grave, hers frightened and despite herself, a little pitying.

"I would never put anyone else in danger. The closest I have come to a women in the last twenty three years is working with one, as I do with you. Besides.there's only one woman that could ever give me true happiness, and she's long lost to me now," he murmured, his eyes dissapearing into that other place she'd grown to know a littl over the past week. Watching him, Vivien made a choice. She lowered the stake.

"I know a little bit about loss. I believe you. But don't think I won't hesitate to stake you if you show any signs of evilness."

"I would expect you to," he replied seriously. She stepped out of the light, eyeing him as if waiting for him to attack. He didn't. They stood, a yard apart, and watched each other warily with the same eyes, though neither noticed that part.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked finally.

"I should have, I'm sorry. I guess.I guess I thought you'd make a good employee and I didn't want to scare you away. I should have known you'd figure it out though."

"Good thing it took me thirty seconds to reach that stake or it would have been a lot less questions, a lot more dust," Vivien smiled. Angel gave her a tiny half-smile in return. She started.

"Here, come look at this," she said, beckoning him toward the computer. Angel followed, falling easily back into work mode. "I found our guy. Well, our demon. It's a Dust Demon. They're supposed to show up right before a drought. Enough water kills 'em though, so we'll just need to get a hose or something.The drought part kind of worries me. I guess it's always a drought here though.Seasonless Los Angeles."

"There are seasons here," Angel replied softly. "Just not the kind people expect."

"What seasons do you get here?" Vivien asked, curious. He looked straight at her.

"Seasons of less evil, and seasons of much, much more," he informed her. Vivien shivered at the tone of his voice.

"What season are we in?" she asked quietly. He turned to look back at the computer screen as he replied.

"We're just beginning the much, much more."

And Vivien, incongruously, thought of her mother, and all her predictions for the future.

November 2022

Hot. Fire. Burning, sizzling, engulfed in wave after wave of hot, dry fire.

They thought she was asleep. If she moved, if she whimpered, they would take her to the other room, away from the window, away from the breeze.

Sharp pain, shooting through, claws ripping, pulling, blood spilling slowly, life slipping away, away, away.

She didn't open her eyes. Didn't stir though the pain shot through her, a knife twisting, twisting, always twisting inside.

Glowing eyes, menacing, hot breath one more fire in a world of flames, snarls, laughter, horrible laughter echoing, down and down and down.

A tiny sound escaped her lips before she could stop it. A noise came from the door, it opened, they watched. She could feel them watching. She tried to still, tried to hold it in.

Pain ceases, heat clears, familiar dark eyes, sweet smile, warmth, adoration and life, happy, sweet life.ends, screams, eyes flashing with pain, claws ripping, tearing, screaming without end.

A wail of horror echoed from her lips as she gave in to the terror and screamed.

Vivien sat up in her bed, staring around the darkness, the scream still echoing in her mind. Her breathing slowed finally as her eyes fixed on familiar objects around her small bedroom-the paper fan Kevin bought her when she was nine, the seashell lamp Willow gave her when she graduated from high school, the picture of her family, with her mother laughing, her arms wrapped around Vivien's waist, and Kevin trying bravely to fit his arms around both of them. She smiled sadly at the picture, for though she couldn't even make out their shapes in the darkness, she knew every detail of it, had stared at it so long that it was burned into her mind like a brand. What She Once Had. What She No Longer Had. That was how Vivien thought of things sometimes, pathetic as it was.

When she was calm enough, she slid out of bed and shed her pajamas, slipping on lightweight pants and a tanktop-the prediction of a drought had come true. The entire west coast hadn't had any rain for three weeks. Everything was drying up. And it was so hot. And it was November. She rain a brush through her hair-it barely reached her chin, her mother had always wanted her to grow it out-and grabbed her purse. She slipped on sandals and left the apartment without ever turning on a light. She was turning into a vampire herself, working for Angel.

Before she even knew what she was doing, she was driving to the office. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep again, she never could after dreams like that, and there was work to be done. There was always work to be done. If there was one thing she'd learned in the last month and a half, it was that no matter what you did, you never stopped the demons. There were always more.

On second thought, she decided as she pulled into the parking lot at Angel Investigations, she'd known that a long time ago.

She gave a voice ID to the building security system and ran up the steps, unlocking the door to Angel's front office with a press of her thumb against the keypad. The door unlocked and she walked inside, turning on the lamp on her desk so she had enough light to work by, but not enough to disturb anyone. Sliding into a seat she turned on the computer and bent to open the file cabinet where their current cases resided. They (Vivien took a moment to wonder at herself.was she really part of a team now?) were tracking down a liosa demon that had been terrorizing Malibu, and trying to figure out where Wolfram and Hart were hiding their latest affiliate, Gurek, a particularly nasty fellow with a penchant for slicing and dicing important people.

She flipped the computer's voice off before it could start talking to her, in case Angel was asleep downstairs, and got to work.

Angel sat up in bed, staring around him at the darkness-that-wasn't. A scream still echoed in his head and he shivered despite the warmth (not that he felt it) and looked around the room. Knowing he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep (usually he didn't sleep this time of night anyway, he'd just been trying to adjust his schedule to coincide more with Vivien's) he slid out of bed and pulled on a pair of pants and a tank top, then padded out into his kitchen.

As he sipped a glass of blood and wondered what the Gurek was up to, he heard a noise from upstairs. Angel set down his glass and grabbed a small hatchet, tiptoeing up the stairs, wondering who had broken in and how they had gotten by the alarm.

He eased silently into his office. From the front office there was a faint glow of light and the sound of tapping on the computer keyboard. He shuffled forward soundlessly and then stopped when he caught a glimpse of blond hair. He relaxed and set down the hatchet, quietly opening the door to the front office and standing there, watching Vivien as she worked.

The young woman was completely absorbed in her task. He could barely see the computer screen, but she seemed to be cross referencing the attack sites with something.She didn't look up at him. He wondered if she knew he was there and trusted him, or if she hadn't even heard him come in. He hoped it was the former. With Cordelia.she'd always known he was a vampire. He hadn't had to worry about frightening her, because as far as he had ever been able to tell, she didn't frighten. At all. Vivien was a different story, though he wasn't really sure how. He didn't know if he scared her. He didn't know if anything did. She never really showed any emotions. Oh, she would smile, laugh even, look sad or hurt when they found something awful.but none of it really reached her eyes, which were altogether too dark, too old, for someone so young.

Youth, Angel recalled, was a relative thing. Buffy was proof of that. She'd had the strength of much older, more experienced people. But she'd also had the heart of a very young woman. With Vivien.he couldn't tell. There was something very familiar about her, but she was still so far away all the time. He never pressed, since he was usually more distant than she was, but it was a far cry from Cordelia, who said everything she thought without hesitation. He missed his tactless, fashion-wise friend of over twenty years, but he also had a feeling Vivien could become that kind of friend, if she would ever let herself. He wasn't really sure why he wanted her to open up-he wasn't interested in her romantically in any way. He just felt.fatherly towards her, he supposed. He worried about her. Humans didn't have the capacity to just shut emotions away. He could do it, but he'd had hundreds of years of practice. She hadn't, and he was worried.

It didn't make a lot of sense. When it came to humans, Angel's feelings often didn't.

He stirred slightly and she finally looked up, flashing him a bright smile. His heart ached, reminded of another bright smile from another blond girl.If anything of Vivien truly reminded him of Buffy, it was her smile.

"Did I wake you up?" Vivien asked, sounding concerned. Angel shook his head.

"What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night."

"I couldn't sleep," Vivien explained. "I thought I'd come work. I cross referenced all the attacks with radiation levels, and there's a definite correspondence. It seems to create trails for a little bit right after the attacks too, which means the liosa must have a residue for say, an hour after it attacks, and if we keep a sharp lookout, we should be able to track it."

"Good job," Angel said, leaning against the edge of the desk. "How'd you find out about the radiation?"

"Well, I checked the autopsy reports, and there were some weird burns," Vivien explained, looking as if she were avoiding something. "I, uh, think I read it somewhere too."

Angel knew she was lying (he could always tell), but he didn't press. They had an unspoken agreement. He never asked about her family or her past, and she never asked about his evil days or his moment of true happiness.

Vivien yawned suddenly. "Coffee?" he asked. She shook her head, making a slight face.

"It'll be yucky by now. I could use some fresh air though."

"Let's go up to the roof. You've pretty much got this one figure out now." Vivien gave him a tiny smile and shrugged, following him as he walked out of the office and up the stairs to the roof entrance. Though the building had been blown up twenty two years before, it had been rebuilt soon after and Angel had rented back the same rooms. He liked the view from the roof, and it saved getting more of those weird business cards Cordelia had designed.a slight smile twisted his mouth at the memory, as he opened the small door and emerged into the dark, hot night, Vivien close behind.

They walked together to the cement barrier and leaned against his, Vivien's eyes sweeping over the bright sprawl of lights, Angel's settling on the dark horizon.

"It's nice up here," Vivien said after a moment. "Do you come up a lot?"

Angel shrugged. "It's nice to see that there's other things out there. More to the world than just me and my brooding thoughts."

"A lot more," Vivien whispered, and fell silent, her dark eyes reflecting the lights below.

She didn't know what possessed her to say it. Maybe it was just the knowledge of how many people there were out there. How many millions, and she didn't know any of their names, and they didn't know hers.

"My father might be out there somewhere," she murmured. Angel gave her a startled look-well, what qualified as one for him, which was pretty much the same as all his other looks.

"I thought he-"

"That was my stepdad," Vivien explained, not looking over at him. "Kevin. My mom met him when I was three. He adopted me formally when I was six.I loved him. He was my father in all the ways that really mean anything. I used to look in the mirror every day, hoping to find one little bit of him, but there was nothing."

"What about your real father?" Angel asked steadily.

"I don't know," Vivien whispered.

"You never met him?" Vivien couldn't help herself; she gave a low, bitter laugh.

"I never even knew his name. Neither did my mother you see. Just some guy she met when she was drunk. And he could be out there now, never even imagining he has a daughter," Vivien whispered, sweeping one hand out to encompass the city.

"If he did know, I'm sure he'd be proud of you," Angel assured her in that quiet, solid way. For a moment, Vivien almost believed him over the ache in her heart, the need for someone who could be what Kevin had always been-a father, to take her in his arms and kiss her head and tell her it would be all right, someone who would always be there for her. At least, until he died. Vivien blinked and the image dissapeared, leaving her alone and cold in an eighty degree night, with a vampire at her side and a city spread out before her, bright and uncaring.

"You're sweet," Vivien said quietly. "A terrible liar, but sweet."

Beside her, Angel froze and she wondered what she'd said wrong this time.

Part Three

"You must be the new girl," a voice said from the doorway, startling Vivien awake from her nap on the desk. She sat up quickly, rubbing her eyes and regarding the tall, slender older woman who regarded her with frank curiousity. "Sleeping on the job already? Angel must really have lost his touch."

"Can I help you?" Vivien asked, pushing her hair back to see the woman better. She had long dark, wavy hair, without a hint of gray. Vivien couldn't guess her age, though if pressed she would say mid to late 30s, though that would be pushing it. This woman looked like she'd spent every moment of the last twenty years making sure that it would be pushing it. Her skin was unwrinkled, her eyes bright, and the arch of her eyebrow perfectly condescending. She was also impeccably dressed. Vivien felt nothing short of ruffled. After some sort of extreme brooding silence had fallen over Angel, she'd come downstairs and stayed the rest of the night working, and must have fallen asleep on her desk.

"Wow," the woman muttered under her breath. Vivien frowned.

"What?" she asked. The woman shook her head suddenly.

"You look just like-this girl I used to know." She quickly resumed her annoyed air. "One would hope you could help me. What if I wasa paying customer?! I bet Angel's in the red again." Vivien gave her a confused look. The woman rolled her eyes.

"I'm Cordelia Gunn. I worked here for about twenty three years. I made this place what it is," the woman stated firmly. Vivien's eyes widened. So this was Cordelia, the woman that had once known Xander and Willow.and maybe, Vivien thought for a second, her mother. Maybe that was who she'd reminded Cordelia of.They didn't really look alike, but Willow always swore there was something.

"Vivien McKeely," the younger woman introduced herself, standing up and holding out her hand. Cordelia shook it firmly, looking around.

"Well, it looks all right. Why were you sleeping though? Did Angel keep you up all night? I told him not to do that," Cordelia scolded. Vivien's mouth twitched up involuntarily.

"No, I-" She was cut off when the door to the inner office opened and Angel walked out. Cordelia grinned broadly and ran into his arms, hugging him. Vivien blinked at the sight. Angel, who looked about twenty five and was hard pressed to make an expression ever, hugging a woman who was probably forty, and as far as Vivien could see, defied description. When Cordelia pulled away she was smiling broadly, making her look even younger.

"You kept her up all night didn't you?" she demanded, poking him in the chest. He smiled, more broadly than he ever had at Vivien, and shook his head. She laughed at him and turned back to Vivien. "You shouldn't let him do that. Just cause he doesn't need beauty rest, doesn't mean the rest of us mere mortals-"

"Like you ever need rest to be beautiful," Angel teased her. Vivien blinked again, shocked at the sight of her brooding boss teasing someone. Cordelia preened.

"You know it!"

"So how's Gunn?" Angel asked. "And the kids? What are you doing here?"

"I notice you don't ask about me," Cordelia pointed out, mock-offended, then smiled. "Gunn is fine. He's got a whole new gang organized." She sighed. "He is even now out risking his neck freeing New York of the undead, I'm sure. And the kids are monsters, as usual. They miss you."

A wistful look crossed Angel's face for a moment. "I miss them too."

Vivien bit her lip, feeling like an eavesdropper watching something private. Angel and Cordelia obviously meant a lot to each other. As friends. She didn't really have any friends like that. Willow and Xander.but they were more like an aunt and uncle. Even in college she'd never gotten really close to anybody. She was always afraid to lose them. Or maybe just afraid she'd have to tell them the truth.

"Anyway, I'm here to help," Cordelia was saying briskly.

"Help?" Angel asked.

"Help," Cordelia said firmly. "You might want to sit down for this one." Angel arched his eyebrows at her, but obediently sat near the desk. Cordelia glanced at Vivien and Angel nodded, indicating it was all right to talk in front of her. Vivien sat down too, still feeling awkward.

"Well?" Angel demanded.

"I had a vision," Cordelia said. Vivien stiffened, every muscle tightening despite her efforts to stay calm. Angel looked completely calm, totally unsurprised. She told herself to breath, but it wasn't really working.

"You could have told me over the phone," Angel pointed out. "That was our agreement."

"No this one," Cordelia replied grimly. She hesitated. "This is big Angel. That demon you told me about-Gurek?-he's here to distract you. Something bigger is coming. Much bigger."

"What?" Angel asked. Cordelia hesitated again. He sighed. "I've dealth with Apocalypses before. Will you please tell me what it is?"

"It's a demon. A real demon, like what the Mayor became after Graduation, remember? Not the normal hybrid kind." Vivien blinked. Now where did that sound familiar? She vaguely remembered Willow telling her some story about a mayor and graduation once when she was little, before her mother had heard and hushed Willow up. Buffy wouldn't let Vivien hear about anything related to demons. At all. There were huge parts of her mother's life she knew nothing about, all because Buffy was afraid something would happen to her precious little girl. Vivien's mouth twisted at the irony of that thought. Well, maybe Buffy had helped at Cordelia's graduation, maybe that's how Willow and Xander knew her.

"When?" Angel asked, still looking unruffled. "And where?" Cordelia glanced uneasily at Vivien.

"Can I talk to you alone?" she asked. Angel looked over at Vivien, his eyes a little apologetic, and then nodded, walking into his office.

"Sorry," Cordelia mumured to Vivien. "Personal stuff." She followed Angel in and shut the door and Vivien was left alone, again, with the knowledge that she would always be so.

"I trust Vivien," Angel said quietly when the door closed behind Cordelia.

"Oh I'm sure you do," Cordelia replied. "Seems like a nice girl. Reminded me a little of-" She broke off abruptly, but Angel knew what she'd been about to say. He sat down behind his desk.

"What is it?" Cordelia looked up and met his eyes, her own completely serious.

"It's Buffy. She has to help you fight this thing."

Angel's heart clenched, and his fingers tightened around the arms of his chair, but besides that, he had not reaction. "No," he said calmly.

"It isn't a condition!" Cordelia exclaimed.

"No," he repeated. "Buffy is forty one years old. Even a Slayer loses fighting ability by then. I will not risk her life with this. Besides, she's been retired for years. I will not pull her from her nice, normal life. And it would be too much, for both of us. We haven't seen each other in almost twenty three years. We're going to keep it like that."

"You don't understand Angel," Cordelia argued. "Buffy has to be there. I saw it!"

"Too bad," Angel nearly growled. He took an unneeded breath and settled back in his chair. "I don't even know where she is now. She could live across the world for all I know."

"Then call Giles! Or Willow! I have her number, she would know-"

"No."

"Angel-"

"No."

Cordelia shut her mouth tightly and glared at him. Their eyes locked in a battle of wills, hers flashing and furious and worried, his unyielding. Finally she slumped into a seat opposite him.

"This is the last thing you know," she said softly. "I think it is anyway. Wesley thinks so too, I called him. If you kill this thing, you could be human."

Angel froze, staring at her bent head, feeling an intense longing he thought he'd forgotten. But he shook his head and pushed it away.

"I don't need to be human. It doesn't matter. I won't pull her back into this. If needs be, I'll call on the other slayer."

"The Council would never let her come. She's their tool," Cordelia said bitterly. Angel shrugged, thinking of the young woman he'd never seen. The latest in a line of Slayers that had come after Faith died in prison all those years ago. They only lasted a few years now. The latest had been alive the longest; she'd been called three years before.

"Then I'll do it alone. You didn't have to fly across the county to tell me that you know," he said softly. She looked up and met his eyes and smiled fondly.

"Of course I did Angel," she replied, then her smile brightened. "Besides, what do you mean to tell you? I'm here to shop. Also, to do some ass when that demon tries to show up." Angel smiled, despite himself, and leaned back, watching his last connection to humanity try to hide her fear.

Huge, encompassing, too big, too high, can't reach it, can't stop it.

She had learned to hide it well. She didn't even flinch when it came again.

Memory, torn away, beautiful child screaming, pain, nononononono.

It was hot out, but the trees were pretty, and the fountain-except the fountain was dry now. Everything was dry. And hot. Dry and hot. And the pain kept coming.

Heat, burning through skin, through soul, through mind, piercing fire swallowing everything.

She had to stop it. Had to fight it. Had to kill it.

Claws and teeth, huge, terrible, sharp, cruel, piercing, twisting, knives of pain, pulling apart, pulling away.

There.

Had to kill it.

Pulling, fighting, hands and arms, smashing, screaming, never enough, never enough, can't stop it, can't fight it, PAIN.

One name, a scream.

And then emptiness again.

Vivien knew something was wrong the second her cell phone rang. No one had the number except Willow, Xander and her best friend from high school and college, Kayla. And Kayla never called her anymore.

She fumbled for the button and wished she'd never been able to find it.

"Viv?" Willow's voice asked, sounding like she'd been crying. Vivien always knew. She'd heard the sound so many times-seven years ago, when Kevin died, when Buffy-and then again, two years ago, when Tara's spell was shifted against herself and she too was gone.

"It's me Aunt Will. What's the matter?" Vivien asked. And Willow told her, all of it.

"I'm in Seattle," she finished. "I have a huge meeting. I can't leave. You'll have to go by yourself sweetie. Xander's flying in tomorrow."

"What time?" Vivien asked, her mind functioning on automatic, as it had learned to seven years before.

"Early afternoon, he'll call you later with the details. I have to go love, will you go right away?"

"There's kind of a crisis he-" Vivien began, then cut off. "Right away," she promised.

"I love you," Willow whispered.

"Love you too. Bye," Vivien said, hanging up the phone. She stared at it, and at the desk, and at anything that came within her sight, just trying not to feel, trying not to be anything at all, least of all a girl with a mother. Or without one.

Angel walked into the room, about to ask about something before he saw her face. Before he must have seen how desperately hard she was trying not to cry.

"What's the matter?" he asked quietly, sincerely, walking over to stand beside her.

Vivien shook her head and tried to tell him nothing was wrong, but words failed. He knelt in front of her chair and reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "What is it?" he asked again. And for the first time in many, many years, Vivien broke down and began to cry.

"My mother," she sobbed, held tightly in his cold, but comforting arms. "After my stepfather died, she broke down, she started s-seeing things, visions, preophecies, people that had died years before.she started attacking people, not seeing them at all, but someone else. She had to check herself in to a mental institute. She was g-getting better, she was, but she had another fit and attacked the orderlies watching her and she broke one's nose and another's rib and she screamed my name and she kept screaming like she was dying and they had to put her in solitary and I have to go.I have to go by myself and see her and she isn't her she isn't my mother at all, but she keeps crying for me."

She'd never told anyone that. Not any of her boyfriends. None of her best friends (Kayla already knew). She'd never said it aloud. My mother is insane.

"Shh," Angel soothed, stroking her hair with one hand. She relaxed against him, silent tears running down her face, amazed at the feeling of safety in his arms. It wasn't sexual at all. She just felt.safe. She hadn't felt that way for a very long time. And in some ways, that scared her more than anything else. "Do you want me to come with you?" he asked, after her tears had stopped and she'd calmed down a little. Vivien pulled away enough to look him in the face.

"You don't have to do that," she said. "You have things to do, a lot of things, that demon and-" He put a hand up to silence her.

"There's time for that." His eyes darkened. "I know how hard it is to see someone.changed. You shouldn't have to do that alone. If it would help, I'd be happy to go with you."

"Nothing really helps," Vivien whispered, her eyes filling with tears again. "But this might. It might."

On to Part Four