Things Change

It truly amazes me just how quickly things can change. I was happier than I had been in such a long time...since that day.... I was just happy to be home. Then my world came crashing down around me- when I found her best friend sitting in our office, crying. She looked defeated and in that instant I knew...

"It's Buffy."

The tiny red haired girl shook her head slowly. The common response looked so labored as if Willow feared her head might actually fall off if she moved it in just such a way.

"What happened?" I demanded as I felt a reassuring hand squeeze my shoulder.

Willow sniffled then drew in a painfully deep breath. As she opened her mouth tears spilled over her cheeks. Maybe it was worse than I feared. But I would do anything to help her. Whatever it took! I would give my un-life to her- anything! But I had to know what was wrong in order to help....

"Ohmigod," Cordelia whimpered. She had obviously gotten something out of Willow's response that I had missed. "Ohmigod."

Willow ran to me, threw her arms around me and clung to me as if her life depended upon it. Then I heard a small clatter as the contents of her hand fell to the floor. I turned to see what it was and found the diminutive piece of silver that had meant nothing until it had once graced her finger...the claddaugh ring. The sign of our devotion and undying love for each other. I didn't even know that she had taken it back.

"Dawn sent me...here..." Willow stuttered.

"Dawn?" I asked her surprised. Was Buffy in a coma or in some other way unable to communicate?

"Before...Buffy...she told Dawn...to tell you..." Willow paused as she choked and sputtered on her tears "She never stopped loving you...not for a second."

I didn't like the sound of what Willow was telling me. She never stopped loving me? Not e..v...Oh God...Oh God...Oh...

"What...What?" was all I could weakly manage.

"The key...The first slayer told her death was her gift," Willow told me before hysterics set in with her again. And me, well everything went black.

"Who is protecting them?"

I heard her voice and knew that though it sounded angelic, it was her.

"What?" I asked her.

"If you are here, who is protecting them?"

I shrugged. I glanced around my surroundings. It appeared to be a clearing in the middle of a forest. The ground was a carpet of pine needle and there was an overpowering fragrance of evergreens. Then I saw her. Her long sandy tresses graced her shoulders and were illuminated by the suns rays. I moved to her quickly and took her in my arms.

"I never should have left you. I should have been there to protect you," I cried as I nuzzled her shoulder.

"Angel, all I ever needed and all I ever had was your love," she told me sweetly. She pulled back slightly and gazed deeply into my eyes. Her touch sent shivers down my spine as she gently brushed my hair back.

I felt the sting of the salty droplets that brimmed my eye lids. "But I need you! They need you! This wasn't how it was supposed to end! My reward is humanity! I was supposed to earn it then we were supposed to live together happily ever after!"

"There are no happy endings, my love, because nothing ends," she promised me.

"But Buffy you have left me!"

"Shhh," she told me, pressing her finger to my lips. She drew me into a sugary kiss. "Go to them. They need you."

"I can't! I can't loose you again!"

"Be seeing you, lover," she responded as she faded away from me and my eyes slowly opened...

"Be seeing you, lover."

I knew it was a dream but I heard it clear as day when I awoke.

"Buffy," I whimpered. "I need you."

"No endings, my dearest...my forever..." the air whispered to me. Was she here? Or had I truly lost it? I always figured that she would pass on before me I just hadn't expected it to happen so soon. I needed answers. And I knew who had them.

"And how did Angel accept this news?" Giles asked Willow.

"He fainted," she replied morosely. "How could he accept the news that the only love in his life- the only thing that mattered, had died?"

Giles drooped his head. Buffy had been like a daughter to him. Probably the only one he would ever have- the only one he ever wanted. He knew what it was like to feel like one had lost everything. He had lost everything- Jenny and Buffy. And then there was Dawn. The part of Buffy that the monks had created. The child that he could not even bare to look at. The child that bore far too many resemblances to whom she was created out of- her 'sister', her life force, her protector, and his everything.

"Giles?" Willow called out to him. "You gonna get that or do you want me to?"

"Huh?" he asked, then as if on cue, there was another rap at the door.

"Oh yes very well," he motioned for Willow to answer it as she was the closest.

Willow opened the door to be faced with a pair of deeply recessed and deeply pained eyes.

"Angel," she breathed concernedly.

"Willow," he nodded in acknowledgment. "Giles, may I come in?"

"Yes, please be my guest, Angel," he answered sadly.

"I...I..." he muttered.

"It's OK, Angel. You want answers, yes?"

Angel nodded.

Giles sighed deeply then began, "I really don't know where to start."

"How about with the beginning."

"Glory- you remember hearing of her?"

Angel nodded somberly.

"Yes well in order for her to get back to her world she had to open a portal to her realm. For this portal to be opened she needed the key...Dawn...and Buffy knew the only way to close it would be..."

"By killing the key," Angel finished noticing an irony to the whole thing. That Buffy had been slain the same way that she once slew him.

"Yes and Buffy could not loose the last part of her family, so being that the key was part of her she closed it with her life," Giles finished so quickly that Angel had trouble understanding him.

"She gave her life to save Dawn..." Angel repeated.

"I am sorry Angel, I fear that I know exactly what you are going through," Giles told him sympathetically.

Angel nodded in gratitude as tears began to fill his eyes once more.

"What is the next step? I mean a Hellmouth without a slayer can be a very dangerous situation."

"I am unsure," Giles confided.

"There's always Faith," Anya piped in.

"Yes I suppose," Giles agreed half-heartedly

"Well, while we are trying to find a solution I can stay here to offer my assistance," Angel offered.

"That would be much appreciated," Giles told him.

"And I will help as much as I possibly can," Spike assured them quietly.

The group assembled in their familiar research circle as they tried to devise an adequate solution to the problem at hand. Spike pulled up to Angel as he was about to leave.

"Keep this in mind as you try to play hero again," Spike hissed "If you hadn't tried to be so bloody noble and run off like the bloke that you are she might still be here. It was your job to protect her."

Angel hung his head as he watched Spike leave. It was clear to him that he was not the only vampire in love with Buffy.

I staggered into the basement room that Giles had allowed me to stay in while I helped them with their next plan of attack. I felt too anxious to sleep, but my body's fatigue seemed to out-weigh my mind's constant worries.

"Be strong, love," the air whispered- once again taking form in her melodically sweet voice.

My drowsy eyes drooped as I welcomed the sleep and a chance to see my beloved once again.

I awoke to tingling on my skin- the kind only Buffy could create. My eyes opened slowly and an immediate sense of deja-vu filled me. It was exactly the same setting from that day.

"Buffy?" I questioned wearily, "What's happening?"

"Hush now," she cooed as she ever so gently stroked my face.

"But I though I lost you," I told her, savoring every last touch.

"You haven't lost me- just misplaced is all. Like everything else, you just need to know where to look."

"I-I don't understand."

"Angel, my sweet, a body is just a vessel. And a rip is just a transport. Just as a rip in time transported us back from a day that never happened. Be strong, lover, you alone can solve this riddle."

"Buffy! Wait!"

But it was too late...She was gone.

"You will never loose me."

And those were the last words that she spoke to me that night.

"Giles, " I called to him as I arose from the depths of his cellar.

"Yes?" he responded in his usual British-aloof manner.

"I've been having these dreams about Buffy, but they aren't dreams."

Giles looked at me, eyes filled with misery. I could tell that he thought I had gone mad from grief.

"I'm telling you the truth," I paused to gather my strength. Could I tell him this? "Buffy came to visit me around Thanksgiving..."

Giles gaped in disbelief as Angel recapped a story about the greatest gift of all- life. He could tell that Angel wasn't making it up. How could he? Why would he? And if what he was saying was true...

"So Buffy is trapped in Glory's dimension?" Willow asked just as Giles was about to.

"That's what the dreams imply," Angel returned.

"But the only way to open that portal is with..." Xander began.

"Me. So what's the big? I die and we get Buffy back. It's how it's supposed to be anyway," Dawn informed them determinedly.

"No," Willow intervened. "Buffy died because she couldn't bear to loose you. We need to find another way."

"We'll look into it," Giles agreed.

"But if there is no other way," Dawn continued "I'm not even real anyways. I'm just part of her. A part that isn't strong enough to save the world, I might add."

"There has to be another way," Angel told her quietly.

"Please, Angel," Dawn whispered. "If it's the only way to get her back. You'll help me won't you?"

Angel looked into the small girl's eyes and was instantly awash with memories of Buffy. He saw them all in her eyes.

"Please Angel. You love her- I saw it. Do this for her," Dawn urged.

"Let's not think that way," he told her softly. "We'll find another way."

"They all say the same thing over and over," Willow complained. "The blood of the key"

Angel sighed. He knew that Buffy would hate them if they used Dawn to get her back.

"Well what about a mystical vortex?" Anya suggested. "Like we used to try to get my necklace. Maybe we can go back to right before Buffy died and get her back."

"Yeah just like when psycho-Willow was here," Xander added.

"That's all fine and dandy when Willow's double came here because she didn't play a bloody part in her realm. Buffy is the one that closed that vortex. If we went and got her from there the vortex would still be open," Spike scoffed with a roll of the eyes.

"Spike does have a point," Giles agreed.

"So then that's it?" Xander asked worriedly.

"No," Tara interrupted. "Angel."

"What?" he asked, being brought out of his thoughts.

"You we-were on the right track. Just go back t-t-to-"

"To the day the oracles took away from us," Angel finished for her.

"Yes, that day never truly happened other than in Angel's memories, so it wouldn't cause a disruption in life as we know it," Giles continued.

The group all looked around at each other.

"Then it looks like we're gonna need Spike's mechanical Buffy again," Xander quipped.

Angel cast a look in Spike's direction. "Don't ask," Spike warned.

I watched as they all scurried around preparing for the spell. No one had even thought of the repercussions, save me. She would remember. She would know all of what happened that could never happen again- and then she would hate me. Of course, that wouldn't bother me so long as I knew she was here. But how would she deal with it? Buffy had never been good at dealing with drama that was centered around me. And that day was...to say the least...dramatic.

I had chuckled for the first time in a few days when I learned the story Buffy's double. Spike had done many things in his time that qualified as dumb, but that...well that really took the cake.

"Angel," I heard Willow call out to me, "we're ready."

I took my spot in the center of the circle with "Buffy" and closed my eyes as they began the incantation. All too quickly everything went black...

"This must be a dream you've only been human for a day and all ready there is fudge mint chocolate chip ice cream involved," Buffy grinned.

I let her fill my senses the way only she could. I had never imagined in all of my time that I would be able to share a moment like this with her- a moment where I was able to make her complete. Make her truly happy.

Then there was a flash of bright light...

"When?" she cried.

"In just a few minutes," I told her sadly.

"No! It's not enough time!"

My eyes welled with tears as I pulled her close to me.

"How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had- what we could have had?"

"You won't. It never happened."

"It did! I felt your heart beat," she whimpered. I couldn't tell if it was more pain in her tone or anger. I had once again decided her fate without her knowledge. How she hated me for that!

"I alone will carry the memory."

"I'll never forget...."

"I'll never forget," Buffy declared as Angel now held the real thing instead of the robot. "I'll nev.... Angel, you found me," she whispered.

"With a little help," he smiled. Tears once again gracing his eyes.

"So, you guys miss me?" Buffy quipped, as she turned and hugged all of her friends.

"So this will work? I mean you real and here to stay?" Dawn spat out quickly.

"Yup, you guys are stuck with me," she grinned, casting a look of longing at Angel. He quickly turned away. Did she not realize that...

He was afraid of what I was thinking, I could tell. I could always tell when he was afraid. He'd crinkle his nose and brow and turn away from me. But I had watched him while I was gone. That was my 'torture' seeing his pain. Seeing his thoughts. Learning just how badly memories of me hurt him. Memories that up until now he alone had to bear. But I had vowed that if I ever got back to him I would never let him deal with anything alone. The things I was feeling at that moment were an indescribable mess. I was overjoyed- ecstatic even with the joyous reunion with my loved ones. Pained with knowing exactly how badly each of them had grieved my absence. Fear...fear of Angel's feeling. I was afraid that all this had hurt him even more. But there was something that he had possibly not realized yet. His reward....

I stood alone in Giles' garden in a feeble attempt to gather my thoughts. They were a wave of mass confusion inside my head. How would Buffy take all of it? She hadn't responded at all up to this point. But I knew that she knew.

Then she was there. I could feel her long before I could smell her, and that was long before I finally felt her hand upon my shoulder.

"Angel," she began sweetly.

I turned to look at her, head hung, prepared for the verbal bashing of sarcastic puns that Buffy used to cover up her hurt.

"I understand."

I opened my eyes wide with confusion. If there was one thing that Buffy was good at it was surprise.

"What you did- you gave your life up for me- again. I understand."

"Buffy, I'm sorry. I should have told you before I went to talk to the Oracles," I apologized.

"Yes, you should have, but...Angel there is something I have to show you."

I gazed deeply into her eyes. I tried to read her mind, but she was keeping it hidden well. She took my hand and the electricity hit me like a lightning bolt. She held her fingers to my wrist...

"Buffy, they-"

"No, Angel," she interrupted. "Your reward."

And she was right, there was a pulse! "But I could still...I still feel strong.."

"And you will because you still are. The Oracles need a warrior. But you averted apocalypse again. So there was a compromise."

"I don't understand."

"Without a slayer here, the world would have ended quickly."

I smiled. I pulled her into a tight embrace and held her while I smiled and let her fill my senses again. Then I did what any man in their right mind would have done- I kissed her.

END.