The Eye of the Storm
DISCLAIMER: I had a lot to disclaim so I divided into
sections.
BtVS/A: These are people we're talking about! People! (Yes, I am so obsessed that fictional characters have
become as important as real people to me.) People don't belong to anyone - least of all someone who
treats them like Joss.
Songs: The song 'You must love me' is from the Evita soundtrack, by Andrew Lloyd Webber, sung by Madonna in
the 1996 film. I know Angel can't sing! But just imagine that he can, and that his bit is an octave
below Buffy's but. I'm not sure if Buffy can sing - but that's the joy of fanfic, I do whatever suits me!
'Rain' is another Madonna song - this time from her 'Erotica' album. I'm a great Madonna fan and did I
mention I love storms? 'Full of Grace', 'Do what you have to do' and 'Witness' are all from Sarah Mclachlan's album - I
love it so much! All of her songs just scream 'B/A' to me.
Misc: The supposed quatrain of Nostradamus - NOT REAL, although I am sure he did write about the antichrist.
Anyway, I just made it up, I needed something spooky and prophetic. Sorry Nostradamus!
To all of these people - thankyou for inspiring me and please do not sue me.
CATEGORY: Angel becomes human (sigh). ANGST - Granny's usual B/A issues.
PAIRING: Need you ask? Have my obsessive tendencies taught you nothing?!?
SUMMARY: Buffy and Angel's future is interrupted by death.
SPOILERS: This is based on 'Forever' which I had not seen when I started the story because I live in the
UK. (the suspense was literally killing me and the other characters in this story who probably suffered
because of my sad desperation. <Evil laugh>) It starts with the lines they showed in the promo which someone
kindly passed on to me. Oh, and weeks later - I still had not finished the story so I threw in some mild
ones for the rest of S5 Buffy as well.
TIMELINE: Buffy S5
RATING: 13 - minor sex/swearing
FEEDBACK: love it., crave it.
DISTRIBUTION: Have it! Please! Out of pity! Just tell me where I can see it - just to make me happy.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Apology: This is a tragedy - yes, Granny's usual cocktail of death, pain and despair,
with an especially large dollop of angst. I'm sorry, I know this is BA Fluff, but I just don't think B/A
would be B/A without the whole forbidden love thing.
Note: I totally changed the plot. My original one was far too much like one of my other fics - 'Let the Sun
Rise' - read and weep. Anyway, after trying hard to work it out, even enlisting the help of plot
consultants, I just got stuck and refused to write anymore. To these people, read the dedication!
I keep starting these 1/1 fics and having to think up original ideas! My muse has departed, annoyed with the
amount of over time with which I burden her and not being paid with enough feedback. Next time I will
definitely have to write a series - make the ideas last. This was inspired by something I read in my youth
before I became a granny (when I was 13) called 'The Bondmaid' by Catherine Lim which was about this
servant girl who loved her master but in vain. She died at the end - in her lover's arms during a storm.
I'm really sorry I'm obsessed with weather conditions, sunrise, and other naturey things.
Thoughts are in <<*>>
Stressed words are expressed: * *
DEDICATION: To my two lovely plot consultants! I'm sorry I did not use all of your ideas, but I am funny
like that. Anyway, I just want to say a big 'Thankyou' for all your help!
Prologue
'I can stay as long as you want.'
'How's forever? Does forever work for you?'
Angel laughed, trying not to let the bitterness creep into his voice. 'A little too well.'
'You know, I don't think I know anyone who can say 'no' in as many ways as you do.'
Buffy sighed.
'I should be used to this, right? Death, pain, looming apocalypse all conveniently scheduled at the same
time. Do you know who I can speak to about this? Some slayer secretary in charge of my timetable because I'd
really like to...'
'I know this is hard for you.'
'Actually? I'm not sure you do. It boils down to this: everyone that I love either leaves or...'
Buffy tried to think of a way to avoid this word she hated so much, but there was no choice.
'Or...dies. First it was my Dad, and then - you, then Riley, now Mom, and as hard as I might try I know I
won't be able to protect Dawn forever. Glory will get to her sooner or later and I'm not going to be ready
for that. You see, what I don't get is...is this my destiny? Is losing everyone I love part of the slayer
package? Is this what the powers give me in return for ridding the world of evil? Because if it is, I'm not
sure I want this job anymore.'
'Buffy, as hurt as you might feel right now, you have to understand: slaying's your destiny. You can't give
up on it because...'
'Because my mother died? Yeah, I get it. I'm shallow,
I'm self-involved. I'm sorry. Is that better? So what, I just hold my head up high, swallow my tears and poke
a pointy stick through a few more unbeating hearts?'
'No one said you shouldn't grieve...'
'No, you're right. You see your theory is - Hey Buffy, just shed a few tears in my comforting leather jacket
and you'll be as good as new. It's not going to happen Angel. I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't
want this. I'm tired of coming home exhausted and having to deal with monsters jumping out from under my
bed. I'm sick of being the chosen one, and most of all
I *hate* losing everyone I love because of it. I don't want to be the Slayer anymore.'
'Buffy - you shouldn't say that.'
A dangerous light shone in Buffy's eyes; she had never had any time for words like 'You should' or 'You
must.' Now they were coming from the person whose opinion she valued over everyone else's. Something in
her snapped.
'Oh no? Watch me.'
Facing the black sky, she shouted at the top of her voice 'Hey you! Up there! Powers That Be do you call
yourselves? Get this. Buffy Summers speaking. I don't want your stupid job! I don't want this crappy sacred
duty! I don't want to be your little puppet anymore! I want a normal life. Do you understand? This is my
letter of resignation. Take back your stupid powers, I don't want them. Give me what I want for a change.'
She paused to look at Angel. 'Let me be with the person I love.'
Her words seemed to reverberate in the sky. As soon as the echo died out, Angel felt a pang in his chest. It
was sudden, and unexpected; he fell to the ground.
'Angel!' Buffy ran towards him. Angel lifted his face to look up at her, fear and awe glinting in his eyes.
'What's the matter? Angel, are you OK?'
Slowly, Angel stood up, and looked around, as if to ascertain what he thought had happened wasn't some
sort of surreal dream.
'Angel?'
'I'm human.'
The words didn't seem to register. Buffy blinked, her eyes widened, and her jaw dropped. Her eyes searched
his face for some hint of insincerity, and found none. Anyway, Angel would never joke about this.
Trembling, her hand found its way to his chest. There it was, the thump thump that she had longed to hear so
often.
Trying to catch him unawares, Buffy struck out her fist to punch him, but he easily caught it. She tried
to do a kick but he simply dodged it. She looked around for something to break, something hard, a feat
only a slayer could accomplish. There was nothing but the tree. She searched around on the floor,
frantically, until she found a sizeable piece of bark that had fallen from the tree. She held it against her
knee, and pressed on both sides with all the strength she possessed.
The bark didn't break.
She tried again and again, until blood appeared on her hands and tears flowed, unheeded, down her cheeks.
'I can't break this, Angel. I can't break...this bark - it shouldn't be that hard...I can't understand
why...'
Angel understood, and he knew that she did too. He approached her slowly, carefully, and easing the bark
from her bloodied hands, he gently enfolded her in his embrace.
Buffy stood still, letting him hold her, tears still streaming down her cheeks. For the first time she
could remember she heard the beat of his heart, and again was reminded of the bloody mess that small piece
of bark had made of her hands.
'I didn't mean...I was only...' she sobbed, unable to form more words.
Angel only held her, not saying a word.
Part 1
'So, Angel and I came to the conclusion that the Powers That Be had taken my words in a moment of
grieved frenzy *seriously* and so they took away my powers and in exchange they made Angel human.'
Buffy could tell they were devastated. She could also tell that they were trying not to show it, but the
look on their faces, one of blind fear and disbelief, was enough to convince her.
Giles couldn't think of anything to say.
<<I should be happy for her>> he thought to himself, after all, isn't this what she always wanted? A normal
life? But he couldn't help thinking <<What about the rest of us?>>
And still, another question remained. Would she ever be able to have a normal life?
Angel felt Buffy's hand grow tense in his grasp, and he tightened his hold on it reassuringly. She would
get through this. She may have lost her physical strength, but she was still Buffy.
'I'm guessing no one will be popping the cork from the champagne bottle.'
'No, no Buffster man! Yeah, we're all...' Xander started out awkwardly, but was at a lost for words.
'...happy! Yeah, we're all really happy for you Buffy! This is a good thing, I mean, it's what you always
wanted...right?' Willow continued.
'I thought it was.'
'No, no it is! That's why we're all happy! Happy! See the smiling, the clapping and the exhilaration!'
Willow didn't want to give up. She could tell Buffy felt bad, and Willow knew how it felt to be guilty
because you thought you'd let everyone down. 'This could be the best thing that's ever happened to you!
Now you're done with the slaying, you can do all sorts of things! You can go and watch a movie instead of
creeping around in cemeteries, you can stop having all those horrible nightmares about monsters and evil
things...'
'You could try law enforcement.' Spike grinned, but was ignored.
'Or you could become a demon. I know it's awfully big of me to say this but I'm sure t'Hoffarin would be
really glad to have a sla...no sorry that's an ex-slayer on his team. All that blood and death, I'm
sure you'd enjoy it. You've certainly got experience. There are just too many witches aspiring to be a demon
nowadays, that whole chosen one thing could really give you a head start. Give it a thought.'
'Call me crazy Xander but I don't really want Buffy to become a fiend to all men. Anya - we're having a
crisis here!'
'This is a crisis? Is this a crisis? Because I didn't think...' Buffy stood up, suddenly nervous.
She was interrupted by Anya. 'I wasn't a fiend. Do you think I'm a fiend?' Xander threw his hands up in
defeat.
'No, this is not a crisis Buffy. I've never heard of the powers relieving a slayer of her duties while she
was still living...'
'Giles - cut the history?'
'But I'm sure that this won't affect the world. Another slayer will be called and even if this didn't
happen there's always...'
'Locked up psycho maniac slayer who at the first opportunity will undoubtedly rip your heads off? Great
back-up plan.' Spike remarked.
'Spike, the last thing we need is more wood on the fire so unless you have anything constructive to say I
suggest you desist from speaking until such time as...'
'Just shut up Spike,' said three voices simultaneously.
Giles looked up, irritated. 'I was getting to the point you know. I'm not a 'fuddy-duddy' like you all
think I am. I'll have you know...'
'Look, can we just get back to the *crisis* as you all seem to think it is?'
'No we didn't think...I mean, it's not that...it's just a bit of a shock, that's all,' said Willow,
finally.
Giles walked over to Buffy and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. 'It will be alright.'
Then Angel spoke for the first time.
'It's not too late. There's a way to get Buffy her powers back. There's got to be a channel to the Powers
That Be. We can find a way.'
'But wait,' Willow said, 'wouldn't that mean you'd lose your humanity?'
The whole room turned to look at him. Angel could feel their eyes, especially Buffy's, searching his face for
some sign of what he was feeling. After 245 years of hiding his emotions, Angel was a pro. His face was
like a blank sheet of paper, but his heart was screaming inwardly as his mouth formed his next words.
'It doesn't matter.'
Buffy looked at him earnestly.
'You're wrong. It does matter. I know how much this means to you, and I'm not going to get my powers back
if it means taking away from you the one thing you wanted the most.'
'I think you two need to talk about this.' Willow stood up and headed for the door.
'Yeah. You have issues.' Xander added.
'If you're going to have an argument, I'm popping out for popcorn.' Spike was silenced by a deadly glare
from Buffy.
'Yes, so we'll be off,' said Giles.
'Be good, and don't have sex! Or is that different? Are you allowed to have sex now? Because if you are I
could give you some great advice! You know...' Anya offered.
'Bye Anya.'
'No need to be touchy.' Anya frowned before she was propelled out of the door by Xander.
Angel and Buffy were left alone in the room. The air was tense, and neither wanted to break the silence.
They stood so for some minutes.
It was Buffy who spoke first.
'I'm glad this happened, for your sake you know.'
'I don't deserve it.'
'The Powers That Be seem to disagree.'
'Either way, it's not meant to be.'
'How do you know?'
'I can't be human if it means taking something away from you.'
'Something I denounced and *asked* to be taken from me?'
'You didn't mean it. You were angry. You regret it.'
'Not for what it did to you. This is what you wanted, isn't it?'
Angel didn't want to answer. For her sake, he couldn't let her know how much his heartbeat meant to him. He
wanted desperately to touch her, now that any taboo between them had been removed, but he suppressed the
desire.
<<She's grieving>>, he thought, <<I'd be taking advantage>>.
'You're human. Sorry, it's just taken a while for the thought to sink in. It's good that I didn't dream
about you being human only about ten zillion times because today would have been a real let down.'
Angel winced as he recognised her words. She couldn't feel the same way now, after so long? He couldn't
afford to allow himself to hope. Hope meant disappointment, and he'd had enough of that in his
life.
'Maybe I should be confused. Yeah, that would make sense, with the whole world being turned up side down
thing, but I'm not.'
Angel felt his mouth drying up.
'You know, maybe it's because this is only what I've dreamed about every other night for the past 5 years
of my life. I'm kinda wondering when it's going to move on to the part that has me not wanting to wake up
- ever.'
Buffy edged closer and closer, not removing her eyes from his face.
'Buffy.' Angel started, but couldn't think of any words.
'I can remember the last time you touched me. I wonder if it would be different, now your hands are warm.'
Buffy said quietly, desire pressing slightly on her throat.
'I mean, it's not like it's wrong anymore, is it? We might as well...if the Powers really want to give me
what I want...'
Angel closed his eyes and tried to push back the ache for her he had always felt, magnified tenth fold by
her proximity. Damn it, he could smell her, taste her even...but he couldn't. He had to be strong, for her
sake.
<<I couldn't do it, if I woke up with you just one more morning...>>, his own words came back to him.
They were as true now as they had ever been. If he let something happen here, he would never have the
strength to give her up again.
'Buffy...we can't...' Angel tried to think of something more convincing to say, but failed, at a
loss for words.
'Why not?'
Angel couldn't answer her.
'Angel if you can't give me a good reason, then I guess I can only assume that you don't want...to be
with me.' Angel had the power to either break her heart or make this the happiest day of her life, and
he was fully aware of it.
It took all the strength he possessed to say his next words.
'I don't.want to. Not here, not now.'
Buffy looked at him for a moment, something like devastation glistening in her eyes, but no tears would
come. Then slowly, she turned, and quietly walked out of the shop. The absurdly jovial jingling of the bells
announced her departure.
He had hurt her, and he knew it. Angel knew she had always been insecure about her relationships, and even
if she hadn't been, his words were enough. Angel cursed himself for being so insensitive - he just
couldn't find the right words to tell her how he felt.
How did he feel?
Part 2
What ravages of spirit
conjured this tempestuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
Angel sat alone in the Magic shop, thinking.
She wanted him. He wanted her, badly. There was no denying it. So why?
And fate has led you to it
you do what you have to do
And fate has led you to it
you do what you have to do
Angel knew why. He remembered the last time he had given in to her embrace; it had been the happiest day
of his life, and also the most painful memory he had had to bear, alone.
The day that never happened. Countless nights, he had lain awake in bed, questions and regrets plaguing his
mind. That was what had come of trusting humanity, trusting the Powers That Be.
Angel was afraid. Afraid to risk his sanity again, and also afraid, that this time, it may not only be him
who would bear the burden. There were still a million and one ways Buffy could be hurt if Angel were to lose
his resolve. He might be obliged to leave, just like before, and he didn't want to put Buffy through that
again.
And also, he doubted whether he would be strong enough to give her up for the world again. Last time, it had
been the most difficult decision he had ever had to make. This time, it would be downright impossible.
Then there was the world. Yes, always, the tiresome, troublesome world for which both had risked their
lives and sacrificed their happiness on several occasions. If the salvation of the world depended on
Angel leaving Buffy, he wasn't sure he would be able to do that.
Then there was still the loss of her powers. If the only way for Angel to remain human, was for Buffy to
sacrifice her powers, Angel wasn't really sure if it was worth it. What if they were to.and then he lost
his humanity?
Yes, there were a million and one reasons. The problem was, Buffy didn't understand. All she knew was that
Angel didn't want to be with her.
Angel had to explain, but how? The best way would be to tell her about.
But no, he couldn't. How would she live with it? He couldn't condemn her to all that pain and longing. On
the other hand, he couldn't let her think that he didn't *want* to be with her. It was the only way.
With a sigh, Angel rose, and left by the sewer by which he had come.
And I have the sense to recognise
that I don't know how to let you go.
I don't know how to let you go.
'I know you're there.'
Buffy sat in the swing in the playground. Angel emerged from behind her.
'You don't have to lurk.'
'Sorry. Habit.'
'Yeah, I get that.'
Angel sat down on the swing next to her.
'Listen, Buffy.'
'It's OK. You don't have to apologise.'
'I don't want to apologise. I just want a chance to explain.'
'I'm listening.'
'I don't think we should rush into things. Not that I don't want to rush.believe me, I do, but there are
some things that you don't know.'
'Like what?'
'You don't remember this, but this isn't the first time I've been human.'
'You mean when you were young? Before you were a vampire?'
'No. This was about a year and a half ago.'
'What?'
'Like I said, you don't remember. It was after I came to Sunnydale to help you with the Shumash Indians.
Afterward, you came to LA and we were in the middle of talking when we were attacked by a Mohra demon.'
'I remember.you killed it and I left.'
'The second time.'
'What?'
'That's what I'm trying to explain. What you remember is what happened the second time the day happened.'
'How?'
'I went to the Oracles and asked them to turn the day back.'
'The Oracles?'
'They represent the Powers That Be.'
'Why?'
A glowing ember
burning hot, burning slow
deep within I'm shaken
by the violence of existing
for only you
Angel took a deep breath. He had gone too far to back away now.
'The first time the day happened, I didn't kill the demon when it attacked us. It escaped, so you and I,
we tracked it for a while, but then we spilt up. I found the demon, and killed it, but some of its blood
mixed with mine.and I became human. I told you.and we.and we made love. It was the best day of my life.
But then, Mohra returned; I nearly got killed fighting it, but you saved me just in time. He said that more
would come. I went to the Oracles. They said that lives would be lost, including yours, if I remained
human. So I asked them to turn the day back, so that I could kill Mohra before its blood made me human.
Nobody else would remember.'
'And you didn't tell me about this?'
'No, and you must understand Buffy, why I made that decision. When I told you, before the day was turned
back, what was going to happen, you asked me 'How am I supposed to go on with my life? Knowing what we had?
What we could have had?' I knew that I couldn't tell you. It would mean too much pain. And you had enough
to deal with.'
'So why tell me now?'
'I want you to know, I mean, I want you to understand. I don't want us to rush.we don't know what the Powers
That Be have in store for us. I don't want to be with you if it means both of us getting hurt again. And now
that the Oracles are gone, there's no way we can know.'
Angel paused.
'Do you understand? I have to know it's right - that you won't get hurt again.'
Buffy nodded silently, tears sliding down her cheeks. Angel raised one hand, and wiped the tears away. Buffy
looked up at him, her lips trembling, and threw herself into his arms.
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do.
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do.
Angel held her silently as she wept. Sharing the burden of the day that had been the happiest and most
painful of his life had lifted a huge weight off his heart. He just hoped that he had done the right thing.
'I'll wait. I'll wait forever.' Buffy sobbed.
Angel held her tighter. The two made a strange picture, Angel sitting in a swing, Buffy half sitting
on another, clinging to each other like children. The night was calm. It seemed as if they were the only two
people in the world.
And as far as they were concerned, they were.
And I have the sense to recognise
that I don't know how to let you go.
I don't know how to let you go.
Part 3
'So, a new slayer's already been called?'
'Yes, apparently. In Washington in fact. It seems that the new President is of demon origin, and aspires to
take over the world.'
'That's.that's scary you know. One man, all that power?' Willow mused.
'Well, I say good luck to her. I hope she has fun with the job.'
'You're not going to try to get your powers back?' Willow turned to her friend.
'I'm happy with my lot now. I mean, it was a bit weird to start off with, but I'm getting used to this normal
life thing. After all, it's what I've always wanted, and there's gotta be a reason why the Powers are
giving it to me, right? And demon activity in Sunnydale has been real low, and even if I don't have
slayer powers, we can still fight, right? I mean, Giles with his super watchy knowledge and Will, with
your lethal witchy power, we'll be alright, won't we?'
Willow nodded, smiling. 'Yep, we certainly will.'
'And then Angel can always help out if we come up against some real big evil.'
'Like Glory.'
'Like Glory.' Buffy repeated, looking over at Dawn who was sleeping peacefully on the couch.
'I'll stay in Sunnydale until you defeat her.'
'I was thinking more along the lines of 'we' defeating her.'
'That's what I meant. I'll be here for you as long as you want me.'
Willow smiled, Giles smiled, Xander and Anya smiled, and Dawn smiled unconsciously in her sleep.
And Buffy smiled, for the first time since her mother died.
Make me a witness.
Take me out of darkness,
out of doubt.
Buffy walked nervously along the pavement towards the cinema. She glanced at her watch. It was way too early - there was still a half hour until Angel was supposed to meet her. Imagine that, Angel taking her to a
movie. The last time had been two years or maybe three.whatever, it had been too long.
Walking past the mansion, she felt a sudden urge to enter and relive some memories. Angel was staying at
his old apartment, and the mansion was empty. She decided to go ahead; after all, she had some time to
kill.
Pushing open the old door cautiously, she stepped inside.
I won't weigh you down,
with good intention.
Won't make fire out of clay
or other inventions.
The place was exactly the same as it had been when Angel had lived here, what seemed like a lifetime ago.
She walked into the centre of the hall, where Acathla had once stood. Closing her eyes, she let the memories
flood.
This was where she had fought with Angelus to save the world.
This was the spot where she had stood when Angel had regained his soul just before she was to send him to
hell.
The fireplace. Buffy remembered Tai chi, training, endless kissing, and awkward moments where the
frustration of not being able to express their feelings physically would seep to the surface.
The bed. A peaceful night in her boyfriend's arms, but not her lover's, never her lover's. That was the night
before he had told her that he planned to leave her.
Then the other night she had spent by his side. The other, when both their lives had hung in the balance.
The night she had given him her life to save his.
Will we burn in heaven?
Like we do down here.
Will the change come
while we're waiting?
Everyone is waiting.
She stepped out of the back door, and saw the same lonely spot on the top of the hill. One could see the
whole of Sunnydale from there, not that there was much to see, of course.
She walked slowly up to it. The place spoke of a time she had tried to convince him that his was a life
worth living, a time when amends had been made.
She breathed in the air, and remembered.
<<Angel: Am I a thing worth saving, huh? Am I a righteous man? The world wants me gone!
Buffy: What about me? I love you so much... And I tried to make you go away... I killed you and it didn't help.
And I hate it! I hate that it's *so* hard... and that you can hurt me *so* much.
I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wish that I wished you dead. I don't. I
can't>>
And when we're done soul searching
as we carried the weight
and died for a cause.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a noise behind her. Buffy had a feeling she was not alone.
'Hello?' she called, turning around.
'Angel?' she tried again, hopefully. However, fear crept up her spine; it wasn't Angel.
Her eyes focused on a shape which emerged out of the bushes.
'Who are you?' she asked, trying to keep her voice from trembling.
The moonlight fell on the face of a strangely familiar vampire.
'Gee Buffy, I could never have guessed that your memory was as crap as your performance in bed. Well,
what can I say - you're a disappointment.'
'Parker?' Buffy whispered, scarcely believing her eyes. 'What happened to you?'
'You know, your skull is really a lot thicker than a I gave you credit for. I guess you are a real blond
after all. You, of all people, should be able to tell an undead guy when you see one.'
'What do you want?' Buffy started backing away. She couldn't deal with this, not now, not without her
powers.
'Oh, you know what I want. The soul maybe gone but the lust certainly isn't. It's my turn to be on top.' For
every step she took back, Parker took one step closer.
'Get away from me. Or I'll.'
'Or you'll what? Kill me? What do you take me for, some kind of idiot? The news is all over town. Buffy
the vampire slayer isn't all that slayer anymore. Face it blondie, I've got the upper hand now.'
Buffy started to run. Parker blocked her way back to the mansion, so she had no choice but to run into the
trees. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her. It was dark, it had begun to rain, heavily, the ground
sunk beneath her feet and the branches snatched at her, but she ran.
However, her speed had departed along with her strength. In no time, Parker had caught up, and was on
top of her. His face had returned to normal. Buffy screamed. Parker only laughed.
'Scream as loud as you want, it's not like anyone can hear you here. You chose to run in the remotest area
possible. I'm beginning to think you're trying to make this too easy for me. Admit it: you want me, don't
you?'
'I'd rather die.' Buffy spat, teeth clenched.
'Granted. But first.'
He vamped out, and began to tear at her sweater with his free hand. Buffy beat and scratched at him as hard
as she could, but it was no use. He was too strong.
<<This is it.>> she thought.
Suddenly, Buffy felt Parker's weight lifted off her body.
Dazed, she sat up to find Parker fighting with a very angry Angel. Parker was definitely the stronger of the
two, but he didn't have Angel's experience, or his anger. Within minutes, Parker was dust.
Angel staggered over to her.
'Buffy? Are you.'
'He nearly.'
'I know. He's gone. You're alright.'
Buffy didn't answer. Then she looked across at Angel, taking in the cuts and bruises on his face, and
finally letting the tears fall.
Is misery made beautiful
right before our eyes?
Will mercy be revealed
or blind us where we stand?
'I can't be without you. I can't.'
The lovers came together in a desperate embrace. The rain continued to beat down on them, and the wind
continued to howl. Buffy buried her head deeper into Angel's soaked jacket as streak of lightning
momentarily lit up the sky, and was followed by the low cackling of thunder.
'Promise you'll never leave me,' she sobbed, her throat choked by tears.
'I promise,' he answered, wrapping his arms more tightly around her.
'I was so scared...'Buffy whispered.
'I know.' Angel replied, not wanting to imagine what would have happened had he not arrived in time.
'Kiss me Angel, here, now?'
Angel looked down at her face; her eyes beseechingly fixed on his, her lips eagerly upturned, and his
resolve came down about their heads.
He kissed her with a need he had never felt before. His hands, driven by the urge to be one with her
finally, after all the shattered hopes, ripped away her drenched sweater, and tore impatiently at her mud
splattered trousers. She did the same, pulling down his jacket and shirt, and struggling with his belt now
her former strength had departed.
All the time, they kissed each other, urgently, desperately; full of the longing they had had to bear
ever since the night of her seventeenth birthday. Two hearts beat frantically as water, mud and skin mixed
and tangled, and soon became one form.
And it was there, amidst the rain, the wind, the mud of the forest floor and the rumble of lightening and
thunder around them, that they came together. In the throes of passion, they cried out silently, in unison,
their voices drowned out by the ravages of the storm.
Will we burn in heaven?
Like we do down here.
Will the change come
while we're waiting?
Everyone is waiting.
Part 4
'I *so* do not!'
'Oh yes you do. I heard you the first time you slept in my room, but was too embarrassed to tell you. Admit
it: you snore!'
'Again with the denial response.' Angel laughed, pulling open the door to the magic shop.
'Denial is useless! I heard you, even last night I could hear you above the thunder!' Buffy pulled
Angel's jacket collar closer to her, not wanting to take her eyes off his face, loving the way the sun lit
up his eyes.
Last night had been the best night of her life.
'So, what do you want me to do about it?' Angel whispered, his voice low.
'The word 'payback' comes to mind.' Buffy said, as she pulled him closer for a kiss.
'Is anyone else with me when I say 'Eugh?'
Buffy and Angel turned to face Glory dressed in a low cut satin dress. Buffy stood in front of Angel in a
defiant stance.
'Not bad, little slayer. I've got to give you credit. So, who is lover boy anyway?' Glory threw a quick
glance at Angel.
'None of your business. What do you want?'
'Do you ever get sick of asking me that question when you know the answer? You know what I want, but will
you give it to me? No, that's what I thought. So I thought I'd pay a little visit to your friends here.
You know, go out, have some fun?'
Glory turned to reveal the gang sitting like statues behind her. Cold mugs of tea sat on the table in front
of them.
'But they're not very talkative. I was hoping you might persuade them.' Glory grabbed Buffy's arm and
twisted it. Buffy cried out in pain. Angel stepped forward but with one hand Glory sent him flying into
the wall. He groaned in pain as he landed. Humanity had its downside.
'Angel don't worry. Glory can't kill Buffy - she's the only one who can get her what she wants. She's not
that stupid.' Willow whispered sharply.
'No, but I can hurt her a little bit.' Glory twisted Buffy's arm harder, and Buffy bit her lip.
'That new boyfriend of yours? Feisty. I like. And what happened to the last one? I suppose you ate him up,
didn't you? Well, a word of advice. I may not be able to kill you, but I have no scruples about killing your
little friends. And if I don't find the key, guess who's next on my list?' Glory smiled suggestively at
Angel.
'You know? He's kinda cute. I might have a little fun with him before sucking his brains out. You really
would like that wouldn't you?' With a grunt Glory threw Buffy against the wall. She landed on top of
Angel.
'Keep that in mind', and with that, she was gone.
The gang got up hurriedly and rushed over to Buffy and Angel, who were helping each other up.
'Are you guys OK?'
'Yeah.'
'What are we going to do?'
'I have an idea' replied Angel. Everyone turned to him.
Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be.
We had it all, you believed in me,
I believed in you.
Certainty disappears.
What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep our passions alive,
As we used to do?
Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say.
Scared to confess how I'm feeling,
Frightened you'll slip away.
You must love me.
You must love me.
Angel passed the microphone over to Buffy. The host watched the two with appreciation. He noted the way
Angel stood protectively over the small girl, as if trying to protect her from some unknown assailant.
<<The boy's got it bad,>> he thought.
Why are you at my side?
How could I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance, and I'll let you see how
Nothing has changed.
Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say.
Scared to confess what I'm feeling,
Frightened you'll slip away.
You must love me.
You must love me.
The song was over, and they looked at each other with anxiety showing in their eyes. And then he took her
hand, and led her to the table at which the host was sitting, watching them.
'Well well, what a pair of star crossed lovers. I gotta tell you Angel, I never thought you'd be able to
sing in tune, but then, I suppose that's what love does to you.'
'What did you see?'
'You want the truth?'
They both nodded silently.
'Then here it is. It's not pretty Angel. You do know why you're human.'
'I made a wish. The Powers granted it.' Buffy said.
'Wrong. They used it as an excuse.'
Buffy and Angel looked at the host in confusion. He took another swig of the brandy and continued.
'The Powers That Be don't like to do anything without a reason, and they're not big on rewards either.
There's no way they would have taken away your powers and given peaches here his humanity just because you
made a silly wish. They've gotta have a reason.'
'What do you mean?' Buffy's voice rose.
'Now you see, when the Powers get involved, it's usually something apocalyptic. You two have a part to
play - and the stage directions involve Angel being human and you being helpless. I don't know what it is,
but one thing's for certain.'
'What?'
'Sacrifice - a gift.'
'Death is my gift.'
'Right. And that means heartache. Lots of it.'
'I wouldn't expect anything else.' Buffy muttered.
'Tut tut young lady. We don't want to see that attitude on the girl on whose shoulders the fate of
the world will lie some time soon. Some advice: don't lose focus. Keep sight of your priorities.'
The host got up, and was about to walk away, but turning back to them, he said: 'You do know I mean
saving the world, right?'
They both nodded with a hint of irony.
'There's my warriors!' He raised his glass to them, and left.
Part 5
Later, at the magic shop, the gang were busily pondering over books, searching for some prophecy that
might indicate either Buffy's or Angel's fate.
'Giles - there's nothing here. Nothing.' Buffy muttered, leaning back into her chair. Angel caught
her anxious gaze across the table.
'Don't worry Buffy. We'll find something. We always do. Preventing the apocalypse? Stopping a raging
lunatic god on the loose? Piece of cake. I mean, been there, done that, right?'
'It's not whether or not we can stop the apocalypse that's worrying me - it's what I'll have to do to stop
it.' Buffy sighed, looking over towards Angel.
'Oh Buffy, I wouldn't worry about that? You know this host guy? He sounds kinda dodgy to me. Never trust a
green demon with horns who runs a karaoke bar. That's my motto in life. I mean, how do we know.'
'A fallen Angel will regain his grace with a sacrifice. The thunder will roar and the heavens will
part to pour out the wrath of the Gods. His living blood will condemn the antichrist to hell. His death
will be the salvation. Of course.Glory.' Giles stopped, standing up and taking off his glasses.
The room was silent.
Angel was the first to speak.
'I guess that's me.'
Buffy stood up, arms crossed, and shook her head.
'No. No. This isn't happening - this can't be.You've got it wrong Giles. He can't.I mean how.'
'It's translated from French. The prophetic quatrains of Nostradamus.'
'It isn't for certain.that guy got things wrong - didn't he?'
'Buffy, he accurately predicted the two world wars and the rise and fall of Hitler. With the situation with
Glory at present, it seems highly likely.'
'So what? Angel's going to die?' Buffy was nearing hysteria.
No one dared to reply to her question. Buffy looked over at Angel, and found his eyes filled with pity.
She shook her head again.
'This isn't happening.'
Winter is cold and bitter.
It's chilled us to the bone.
We haven't seen the sun for weeks
Too long too far from home.
They walked along silently, side by side, through the lit up streets. Past old men sitting forlornly on
benches, past younger ones getting drunk on beer, and couples, wrapped contentedly in each other's arms.
They felt like outsiders, looking in on a world of bliss, and not being able to partake in it.
Arriving at Angel's old apartment, he pulled open the door. They both stepped inside.
I feel just like I'm sinking,
and I claw for solid ground.
I'm pulled down by the undertow.
I never thought I could feel so low.
And oh darkness
I feel like letting go.
Buffy closed her eyes as Angel gently slipped the coat from her shoulders, and then began to unbutton her
blouse. She couldn't stop the tears from slipping from under her eyelids, even as he placed gentle kisses on
her now bare shoulders and neck.
The shivers coursing down her spine momentarily alleviated the pain, but the tears kept coming. Angel
reached up with his hand, and gently wiped them away. He tilted her face up to his, and kissed her tear
stained cheeks.
She continued to cry silently as he took off his own jacket and shirt, and proceeded to ease her skirt from
her hips.
If all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place,
I know I can love you much better than this.
Full of grace, my love.
When they were both completely undressed, Angel stood up again to look at her. There was a strange
expression of peace in his eyes.
With one hand, he reached down to stroke her chin. She lifted her eyes, and collapsed into him. Her arms
found their way around his shoulders, and she pressed herself closer to him as she felt the warmth of his
skin and of his touch. Angel simply held her. After a few moments, he picked her up in his arms, and carried
her over to the bed.
It's better this way, I said.
Haven't seen this place before.
Where everything we said and do
Hurts us all the more.
There was something sad, and yet glorious about that night.
After it was over, Buffy refused to sleep. She watched Angel as he slept, marvelling bitterly at the steady
rise and fall of his chest, and the slumbering face of the man whose beauty would no longer last forever.
It's just that we stayed too long,
in the same old sickly skin.
I'm pulled down by the undertow.
I never thought I could feel so low.
And oh darkness
I feel like letting go.
'I love you,' she whispered, pressing her lips to his.
'I love you,' he replied, opening his eyes to look at her.
They kissed, softly, passionately, and pressed closer to each other.
'I can't imagine not being able to hold you again.' Buffy said quietly, almost to herself, as she lay her
head on Angel's shoulder, her fingers tracing up and down his arm.
Angel answered by winding his arms tighter around her.
If all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place,
I know I can love you much better than this.
Full of grace, my love.
Part 6
And it was that scene that was playing in Buffy's mind as she stood before the final battle.
Dawn was tied up to a post, and Glory's minions circled her slowly, chanting in some unknown language.
The gang were busy fighting demons which Glory had summoned forth to guard the key during the ritual.
They had found out from some books and also from a vision Cordelia had that Angel's blood was what was
needed to send Glory to hell, and it had to be 'living blood', which was why he needed to be human. Angel's
blood was a key which opened the gateway to hell, and he would follow Glory to hell, but the plan was to
kill him before he reached it so that he wouldn't have to suffer a life time of torture, and so that his soul
would be free.
The battle was almost over. The time for the ritual had come and Glory sliced open her hand in
preparation, and began to walk towards Dawn. At that moment Angel hit her over the head with a large stick,
and glanced over at Buffy.
Buffy could only watch helplessly as Angel cut his hand, and pressed it to Glory's already bloody one.
Glory winced in surprise.
'What the.' she spat before a portal started to grow behind them, and they both sank to the ground. Buffy
ran over to them, and ran a sword through Glory's side so that she would not escape.
'Angel!' she said, kneeling in front of him. He looked at her evenly.
'It is done.' he whispered, his lips curving to form a sad smile.
Buffy threw her arms around him, frantically clutching at his shoulders, tears blinding her vision.
'I love you so much,' she sobbed.
'And I love you. Nothing can change that, not even death.' Angel replied. They kissed desperately, and
pulled away from each other with difficulty.
'Now, do it.' He said with conviction.
Buffy looked into his eyes for the last time, and nodded. Picking up the sword, she drove it through his
stomach for the second time.
Angel groaned slightly, and Buffy covered her mouth, trying to stop the tears.
'I love you,' she whispered.
'I love you,' he mouthed back, before slowly sinking to the floor. There was an odd expression of peace on
his face.
Both forms disappeared into the portal, and then it closed.
Buffy stood, staring at where the portal had been for a long time. Then she felt a coaxing pressure on her
shoulder, and turned to see Dawn gazing at her with sympathetic eyes.
The two sisters embraced, and for the first time it was Dawn who held Buffy as she sobbed. Heart breaking
sobs that reverberated through the cave. Buffy didn't think she could stop.
'He's gone Dawn. He's gone. Angel's gone.' Buffy gasped.
'I know, Buffy. I know. He died saving the world.' Dawn whispered soothingly.
Buffy nodded. The rest of the group approached them.
'And for that, he will never be forgotten.' Wesley affirmed.
'We'll always remember him.' Willow agreed.
'We will,' said Buffy, standing up straight, and wiping away her tears.
'I'll never forget.' she swore, almost to her self.
And this time, she didn't.
Epilogue
It had been 2 months and 12 days since Angel had died.
Buffy walked down the alley, lost in thought. One more vamp gang had met with a very dusty ending. Buffy's
job was done for the night.
Buffy had regained her powers after Angel had died. She would have laughed, it was so ironic, but then
again, she didn't feel like laughing. She had moved to LA after Giles had discovered that Glory's death had
closed the hellmouth for a century. She came to take over Angel's work. The gang had moved here as well.
Buffy had worked hard in the past two months. Everyone had been surprised by lack of grieving. The first
thing she did was to destroy Darla and Drusilla, and the Senior Partners at Wolfram and Hart who had
plagued Angel for so long. The name of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' struck fear into the hearts of demons
and some humans all around the city. In two short months, she had become a legend.
<<Oh damn. It's gonna rain>> she thought, looking up
at the murky night sky. <<I'd better get a move on>>. Buffy quickened her step.
I feel it, it's coming
Rain, feel it on my finger tips
Hear it on my window pane
Your love's coming down like
Rain, wash away my sorrow
Take away my pain
Your love's coming down like rain
It was futile. Large, heavy drops of rain had already begun to fall. Buffy sighed resignedly, and ducked
under a nearby roof to figure out what to do.
It was really raining very heavily now. Buffy bit her lip in contemplation.
<<What now?>> she thought.
<<Touch me>> a voice replied. Buffy frowned. Where was it coming from? Was it inside her own head? Or was she
crazy?
<<Yep. You're a basket case>> Buffy almost smiled at the familiar sarcasm in the oh-so-familiar voice.
'If I am it's your fault,' she said out loud.
<<Doesn't matter. I like you that way>> the voice replied.
'What, loopy?'
<<No. *Buffy*>>
Buffy was silent. She wasn't really sure whether he was real, or whether she was just making him up, like
she had done every night in her dreams since he died. Somehow, she didn't care.
When your lips are burning mine
And you take the time to tell me how you feel
When you listen to my words
And I know you've heard, I know it's real
Rain is what this thunder brings
For the first time I can hear my heart sing
Call me a fool but I know I'm not
I'm gonna stand out here on the mountain top
Till I feel your rain.
'I miss you,' she whispered.
<<I miss you too.>> answered the voice.
'Where are you?' Buffy asked, a pleading tone in her voice.
<<Here. There. Everywhere>>
'What do you mean?'
<<I'm all around you Buffy. Can't you feel me?>>
At that moment, a drop of rain slid off the edge of the roof and landed on Buffy's cheek. A shiver ran
through her, just as if.
When you looked into my eyes
And you said goodbye could you see my tears
When I turned the other way
Did you hear me say
I'd wait for all the dark clouds bursting in a
perfect sky
You promised me when you said goodbye
That you'd return when the storm was done
And now I'll wait for the light, I'll wait for the
sun
Till I feel your rain.
Realisation dawned. She touched the spot where the rain and fallen reverently with one hand.
'I can feel you,' she whispered.
<<Then what are you waiting for?>>
Buffy stepped out into the rain. The drops fell gently against her skin, enclosing her in its embrace like he
had done once.
Slowly, she took off her jacket, and flung it aside. She proceeded to remove all of her clothing until she
stood in her underwear in the rain.
<<Oh, come on. It's not like I haven't seen you naked before>>
Buffy laughed, for the first time in 2 months. She reached down and removed her underwear. She was now
completely naked.
Waiting is the hardest thing
It's strange I feel like I've known you before
I tell myself that if I believe in you
And I want to understand you
In the dream of you
More and more
With all my heart and all my soul
When I'm with you
That by sheer force of will
I feel like a magical child
I will raise you from the ground
Everything strange
And without a sound you'll appear
Everything wild
And surrender to me, to love.
Closing her eyes, she tilted her head up to the sky, and let the rain wash over her body, caressing her and
submerging her, totally and completely.
In each droplet of water, she felt his touch. It was like fire, searing through her veins. She opened her
mouth, and tasted him on her lips.
Raising her hands, she began to turn in the rain. Slowly at first, and then with growing frenzy. She
began to laugh out loud, revelling in the ecstasy of the moment.
'I'm singing in the rain.' Buffy shouted, not in her most melodious tone, and then proceeded to splutter
with laughter.
And somewhere in her mind, the voice laughed as well. The two sounds mingled together, and became one.
Rain is what the thunder brings
For the first time I can hear my heart sing
Call me a fool but I know I'm not
I'm gonna stand out here on the mountain top
Till I feel your rain.
'Hey, Wes, look over there! Is it me or is some naked girl dancing in the rain?'
Wesley took off his glasses, put them back on again, and squinted from underneath the umbrella.
'That's not.'
'Your friend Buffy?'
'Yes. Oh dear God yes! What on earth.'
'I gotta tell you English.' Gunn whistled in appreciation, 'she is *hot*.'
'And naked, and dancing in the rain. And she appears to be talking to herself.'
'I'm pretty much stopped at the *naked* part. Not that I want to move on from that.'
'Gunn stop talking about Buffy like that. Anyway, I really think we should get her out of the rain.'
Wesley was about to walk forward, but was stopped by Gunn's hand on his arm.
'Leave her man. She looks.'
'Crazy?'
'I was going for happy, kinda peaceful.'
Wesley turned back to Buffy, still laughing and dancing naked in the rain.
'Yes. I suppose she does,' he agreed.
The two men stood watching for a moment longer, before walking away.
And Buffy didn't even notice.
END.