Christmas Surprise

by Jill

Disclaimer: I do not own them, so please don't sue
Rating: same as the show; Angst/Romance
Spoilers: the whole BtVS and AtV-cannon to be sure
Distribution: Land of Denial, Sunlight & Shaddow, and if you have any of my other stories you can take it; anybody else: take it if you want it, but please tell me where it goes
Summary: a surprise and a surprise meeting (anything else would ruin the plot); it's just an idea I had in my mind and again I try to deal a little bit different with B/A
Timeline: set on Christmas Day in 2007 in Sunnydale
Feedback: oh please!!! I'd really like to know what you think
AN: You might not understand it first and not like it either, but please stay with me for the story it might surprise you too.
This is written in Buffy's POV

It's Christmas day tomorrow and I should be happy, instead I sit in my bathroom and all I can hope is that this is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up any minute. But this isn't a dream, I can feel the cold surface of the edge of the bathtube under my bottom very clearly. And I can see the stick in my hand: blue.

There is no way around it. I'm pregnant.

Pregnant.

With his child.

Alright, I'm going to marry him in four weeks but this. I feel my gut knotting, because this is so final, there's no way out of it anymore.

I'm going to have his child. We're going to be a family.

I was happy when he came back and forgave me. I was also happy when he asked me to marry him. Why am I not happy now? What's holding me back now?

We're sitting in a restaurant the same evening, I invited him for dinner and I'm nervous. Because of two things. First because I'll tell him about my pregnancy. I know there is no reason to be nervous, I know he'll be thrilled, I know he wants to have children and he'll be a wonderful, reliable dad. So why on earth am I so depressed?`What's wrong with me? The second point is that, although I'm not the slayer anymore, I have that tingely feeling in my gut, I didn't have since I was released from my duties two years ago, when the Hellmouth was closed for good.

"I'm pregnant," I blurt out over the soup and I can see his eyes lighten up immediately, he reaches over the table and takes my hand. Leading it to his lips he kisses it gently.

"That's wonderful news," he says, happiness apparent in his voice.

I give him a forced smile and feel sick overall. I cannot understand what's happening to me. I love this man, then why doesn't it seem right all of a sudden anymore.

We drive home and he makes gentle love to me that night. When he falls asleep I slip out of the bed and go to the bathroom to throw up and I know it has nothing to do with the baby.

He leaves the house the next morning to get a tree. I live with him for a year now. I put my mug into the dishwasher when the doorbell rings. Yawning I go to answer it and almost faint.

"Angel," I whisper. He's standing there in the morning sun with a serious face. My mind begins to race, Angel, Sun. "You're human," I whisper in awe.

He nods and points towards the door: "Can I come in. I have to talk to you." His voice sounds urgent. My heart races and the tingely feeling is in my stomach again.

"Sure," I step aside and close the door behind us. "Do you want some coffee?," I ask, while I try to understand what's going on. Why is he here? I haven't seen him for an eternity and then he stands on my doorstep.

He suddenly turns around and looks into my eyes and then I hear his words and I think I will faint any minute now. When the blurry vision in my eyes fades I shake my head and look at him: "Can you repeat that?," I ask.

"Do you want to marry me?" he repeats loud and clear.

"I'm engaged," I reply, completely in shock.

"I know," he says, his face still serious.

"I'm also pregnant with his child." Why the hell am I telling him that? It's none of his buisness anymore. He left me for god's sake.

I see him swallowing hard: "I see," he says, his voice sounding strangled, but he still looks at me with the same determined expression.

"So?," I ask. I'm pregnant with another one's child, heavens and he behaves as if nothing has happened. Well not exactly, but I'd expect him to run and slamm the door.

"So what?," he looks into my eyes. "It changes nothing. I still want to marry you." When he sees my brow raising, he shrugs: "It doesn't change anything, well it does, but only slightly and that," he pointes at my stomach, "won't change my intention to marry you. I already love that child because it's yours. I admit I'd prefer if it'd be mine, but it's something I can't change. I couldn't expect you to live like a nun."

"You're crazy," I reply and I mean it. What the hell is he talking about?

"No, I'm not." He smiles a little bit and I feel butterflies in my stomach. "Buffy, we have a real chance here. An chance for real love and happiness."

I shake my heady angrily: "That's crazy talk. I have a life here, a man who loves me and I'm expecting his child." In my anger I forget all about the sick feelings I had since I discovered my pregnancy. "And what about you? What happened with you, you became human and you're a new man? Where's that always pathetic guilt-ridden vamp?," I shout the last word.

He flinches but surprisingly I don't feel good about hurting him: "Are you really that bitter?," he asks in a sad voice and I feel my anger rising again. "But to answer your question. I'm over it. I found my redemption. I became human three days ago, it was granted it by the PTB and they found me worthy of it. So who am I not to feel the same. Maybe I've just grown up, I don't know, but I realized some time ago that dwelling in self-pity doesn't make anything better. Only saying yes to life can really lead to redemption."

"I'm happy for you," I reply tiredly. "But that isn't my buisness anymore. We're the past."

He shakes his head as if he cannot believe my words: "So you're giving up on us?"

"There is no us," I shout. "Can't you understand that. I'm going to be married in four weeks and if you've forgotten I'm pregnant with his child."

"But you don't love him," he states, his face hard.

"How can you say that?" I want to punch him in his face, the anger is boiling inside of me.

Suddenly he reaches out and pulls me into his arms. Before I can help it his lips are on mine and I loose myself in that kiss. Oh god, it has been so long, this feeling of being near to him. His tongue enters my mouth and I feel shivers running down my spine. I feel goosbumps allover my body. When was the last time I felt this way, I wonder? Before I completely slip away reality kicks in and I pull back, glaring at him, panting by a mixture of passion and anger.

And then I see him smile and raise my hand to slapp him into his face. He catches it: "The way you kissed me," he looks right into my eye. "You wouldn't have kissed me like that, if you loved him." He releases my hand and steps back.

"But I do love him," I say stubbornly. But am I really, I ask myself and the answer hits me like a shock, but it's something I don't want to face because it would shatter everyhting I tried to built so desperately.

"You're a liar, Buffy Summers," he replies, his smile not fading.

"You have no right to say that," I try to control my anger. "You left me! You said I should find someone who can give me light and love, someone who was not living in the darkness."

"Yes I did," he says quietly. "But you left me before again and again. You'd given up on us so many times. Everyone's feelings were important to you, Giles, Willow, Xander, your mom. Don't understand me wrong, I don't blame you that you love them. But you put all of them above us. I admit it was my fault that I didn't fight it, but after me turning on your birthday and torturing you as Angelus I didn't feel worthy of you and couldn't fight it." He takes a deep breath: "I had hurt you so much. I hadn't the right to claim you."

"And all of a sudden you think you have?," I ask.

"Yes," he answers without hesitation. "Because I can see you're not happy and I'm in a position now to give you everything."

"Everything?," I echoe. "What everyhting?"

"Everything you deserve," he states matter-of-factly.

"And who decides that," I turn my back on him. "You?," I turn back to face him again. "Newsflash, Angel, I'm 26 - I decide myself."

He raises an eyebrow: "Really?"

I try to ignore his question: "And how can you say I'm not happy. You haven't seen me in what, six years."

"Yes, but I know you," he replies and I want to punch him again. "I know how your eyes light up when you're happy. There's no light in them now, there was not light in them last evening."

"You...," I cannot believe it. "You watched me ... us?" I do understand now where the feeling came from yesterday.

"I did. I assume you told him about the baby?" He doesn't wait for my answer and continues: "You should've been excited, thrilled, but there was nothing."

"I've changed Angel," I say to him, not really believing it myself. "My relationship with Riley is different from what we had. It's more quiet. There are variations of love."

He laughs shortly: "The famous words of someone whoes given up. Sure there are different kinds of love, between siblings, between mother and child. But when it comes to man and woman there's only one real kind. Everything else is a pathetic excuse of people who either never found the right thing or are too afraid to risk it. From experience I know you aren't of the first kind."

"So you're calling me a coward?," my voice rising again.

He nods: "I do. You're too much of a coward to admit your true feelings to yourself. Too afraid to give up safety for passion and true love. Too afraid your friends and family would not accept it. Me." Then suddenly he shakes his head and I see sadness and despair enter his eyes. "I used to be proud of you, you know. You seemed to be so strong, but now I see you aren't. You're weak and you're a coward and I'm really sorry I came."

With this he turns and the next thing I hear is the slamming of the door.

There I stand now. Angel's gone, he came and asked me to marry him and now he's gone. I feel even more sick. My thoughts are in overdrive, I remember what I said to him and it sounds all ridiculous all of a sudden. His words however sound real and true. He said he loved me and he didn't doubt my feelings for him for a second. I told him I'm with another ones child and he said he would love it. How can he act like that. The answer is simple. He's Angel and he loves me. Me, with all my faults. And suddenly it feels as if the curtains in front of my brain and eyes lift. Suddenly I see clearly, suddenly I know my destiny. My feet begin to move, I open the door and run into a massive male chest.

"Whoa," Riley's voice sounds in my ear.

I shake my head to clear my mind. Then I look at him. His blue, honest eyes, his open, friendly face, he's every girl's dream of a future husband, but I don't love him. "I cannot marry you," I blurt out as if the clouds that have been lifted from my mind have loosened my tongue as well.

"What?," he asks, his face showing confusion. "Buffy, what are you talking about? Did you forget, we're going to have a baby."

I hate to hurt him that way, but I know now, that it's the only honest way: "I know," I say. "And I will not keep it away from you, I swear, but I can't marry you. It would be wrong."

He grabbs me at my shoulders and shakes me: "What happened?," he demands.

"I love him," I reply realising that this makes no sense to him.

"Whom?"

"Angel."

"Oh god," he groans. I see the anger in his eyes, but I don't blame him, I've earned it. "Not him again. Buffy, you don't know what you're saying."

But there's no way going back: "I'm sorry, Riley. But for the first time ever I seem to see clearly and I'm not so sure if I like what I'm seeing. I see what became of me, but that's over now. There's no future for us. We talk about the baby later, but now, please excuse me. I have to talk to someone. I have to save my life."

And that's exactly what this is about. The sick feeling is gone, I can feel the power coming back in my body, the life running through my veins, this is it, this is the right feeling. With a last look in his desperate eyes I shake his hands off me and run. I run as fast as I can and all I hope is that it's not too late.

And then I see him, he leans against a street-lamp and grins.

He grins.

I want to punch him again. He's expected me to come after him.

How could he?

Of course he could. He knows me, he knows me even better than I know myself.

"I knew that last comment would drive you over the edge," he says, his smile not fading. "You always hated to be weak."

Am I that predictable? I shrug inwardly, for him obviously I am.

Then I see him open his arms and all I can do is rush into them. Throwing my arms around his neck I cling to him: "I love you," I whisper again and again.

"I know," he replies and I playfully hit him. "I love you too."

I nod against his neck and pull back: "Are you really sure you can live with the fact I'm going to have his baby."

He studies me for a while and then nods: "I already told you. You're all that counts. You're the prize in this game."

"I love you, Angel," I whisper. "And the answer is yes."

With a squeal of pure delight he takes me into his arms and whirls me around.

We look into each others eyes.

And all we see is pure happiness.

On to Birthday Surprise