Wishing I Was Lucky

by Jill

RATING: I am not sure because I am not good at that. Probably mostly like the show.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, don't sue. If I owned them I would at least think that there could be long-distance relationships and not make such a mess! But I own Mike and Andrew and the plot. The title of the story is a song by Wet,Wet,Wet from their album: "End of part one". So it is not mine too.
FEEDBACK: is absolutely necessary, to: Connemara.Scarlets@t-online.de
SPOILERS: all that happened until now (means BtVS-Season 4, Angel-1)
SUMMARY: This is set in the future. Angel and Buffy have been separated for some years (after their last meeting in Sunnydale, where he beat Riley - grin). Buffy is married now, has a child and is expecting her second one (no, don't shoot me now, it's only the beginning) but then a tragedy strikes her.
WARNING: CONTAINS ANGST probably in most parts

Prologue

In a little town called Sunnydale a car hit a tree. When the ambulance arrived the scene they found a family inside the car - only the driver, a man, was conscious.

In Los Angeles a well known vampire bolted up in his sleep from a nightmare or a 'daymare' in his case yelling the name "Buffy" and a brunette former cheerleader sighed in her chair in the upper office: "And I thought this was over."

Part 1

"Is there any change," Willow Rosenburg asked when she entered the Summers-house on a bright summer afternoon.

Sadly Joyce Summers shook her head: "No, nothing. She is still the same."

The redhead sighed: "This is so depressing. Four months and still no improvement." She gave Joyce a sad smile and took the stairs up to Buffy's room. Four months, she thought, four months since the tragic accident that changed all their lives in one way or the other. It had been an untypical rainy day's noon when Buffy and her husband, Mike, had been to a family lunch with their two year old son, Andrew. Buffy had been five months pregnant with their second child. From what Mike had told her and that was not much, they drove back home afterwards and the car hit a tree. When they arrived in the hospital Andrew had already died. Only hours later Buffy had lost her baby. She had been in a
serious state for days but she had survived. Mike did not leave her bed until she was out of acute danger.

They were married when Buffy was 22, Andrew came a year later. Willow opened the door to Buffy's room where her best friend lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. "Hey Buffy," she greeted her, not expecting a response.

Since the accident Buffy had not spoken one word. She would walk and eat and take a bath but she had stopped to communicate with others or taking notice of them. She would only lay or sit and stare into the space. The doctors called it 'prolongued shock syndrome', a misterious word for a horrible scenario. When the doctors released her Mike and Joyce had decided that she should come and stay with her mother because Mike had to go to work during the day and Joyce had taken a long vacation from the gallery. She was able to live from Hank's support, who tried everything to support her for Buffy's sake.

Willow sat down at Buffy's bed taking her hand, she smiled: "It's good to see you Buffy. It was an exciting day today. And especially the night. Xander and I slayed a vampire on our own. But it is hard without you. Giles misses you, you have to come back. And Mike is desperate, Buffy, he loves you so much. Please try to come back."

Mike Collins was such a nice man, she thought, kind, gentle and loving. He had instantly fallen in love with Buffy. She'd met him at the Bronze and slowly fallen in love with him too. Willow truly liked him and he knew everything about Buffy, well, almost everything. Xander did not like Mike, she frownded slightly. But then he was always jealous. No, don't be hard on him. He had a hard time the last year. Right at the time when his relationship to Anya had became serious the girl was killed by a demon during a night slayage with Buffy and the gang. Only now with the help of Cordelia who he visited frequently he was able to move on. Cordelia had become a great friend of his.

"I am going now, Buffy. See you tomorrow."

Willow got up and left the room. She was surprised to see Xander sitting with Joyce in the living room: "Hey Xand," she greeted him.

"Willow. Good to see you." He stood up and hugged his friend. "How is Oz?"

"Busy," she replied: "At the moment he is in New York with the band but I expect him back in a week."

Xander nodded: "And Buffy? No, don't answer me. Joyce has filled me in. No change."

"None at all," the Wicca answered. "I am really worried and Mike..."

"Mike," Xander said with disgust.

"Yes, Mike. He is her husband and he loves her, Xander. He has lost two children too, you know. Can't you get over your jealousy."

"This has nothing to do with jealousy, Willow. I don't like him. Buffy would say, he gives me the wiggins, always has."

"Please," Joyce said: "Can we stop this. I am just so ... I don't know. Seeing her like this it's so depressing."

"Where is Mike?" Willow looked to the door as if he would enter any minute.

"He had to leave town for a few days, buisness reasons," Joyce answered.

Suddenly Xander, who had been seated again, jumped up: "You know, that just makes me sick. We have to do something, now. I cannot looke at that anymore. I am going to get some help and I am going now." With this he headed for the door.

Willow shouted: "Wait" after him but he did not hear her anymore.

Part Two

Cordelia was surprised to see Xander entering the brand new office of Angel Investigations. He had promised to come for the weekend but now was Wednesday, so the middle of the week. She rose her eyebrows when he stood in front of her desk: "Xander Harris, what are you doing here? Not that I am complaining, I am actually looking forward to your visits," then she muttered: "I cannot believe I really said that."

Xander laughed shortly, same old Cordelia. But he knew better. She had changed a lot, she was still trying to play a role but on the whole she had grown up. And he really, really liked her. Sure they had had some closet datings but this was a teenage crush, but today... He shrugged mentally, this was not the day thinking about himself. He rememberd himself of his mission: "Cordy, I am happy to see you but actually I came to see Angel, speak with Angel. Is he around?"

She frowned: "In his office. Why do you want to see him?"

He sighed: "I have to tell him, Cordelia. He still does not know what happened to Buffy."

"No, Xander. You are not telling him. He does not need that. She is living her own life now and he is not able to deal with it. Xander he still cries her name in his dreams. Please don't do it," she begged him.

He shook his head: "Sorry, but I have to."

"Still no change?" He had told her everything about Buffy and she had visited her once while she was in the hospital. She had been still angry with her, but nobody should suffer like that.

"No, nothing. And this is no way. I have to talk to him."

Finally she sighed: "Alright, go. But please be gentle."

"I promise."

He hadn't seen the vampire he had disliked so much for a long time. And he had never expected a vampire could look ill, but Angel proved this to be a lie. He had dark circles under his eyes and he seemed ... thinnner. When he saw Xander entering the office he was still on the phone and pointed him to a chair to sit down. When he finished his phonecall he turned and faced the boy: "Xander. This is unexpected. What brings you in my office."

He seems to know I am meeting with Cordelia, because he did not say it was new for him being in LA. Xander took a deep breath: "I never thought I would say that but I need your help or better a friend needs your help."

Angel leaned forward and Xander was taken aback by the genuine concern now shown in the vampire's eyes: "A friend," he asked gently.

"Buffy."

Angel's eyes shot open and he stared at Xander for a second, then a curtain of ice seemed to fall over them: "Buffy is not my buisness, Xander. She is the Slayer, she can hold her own. She has her own life."

He had expected everything, but not this lack of emotion when he had mentioned her name. He took another deep breath, he had to go on - for Buffy's sake: "She has no life at all."

"What do you mean," came the sharp question.

"I have to tell you a story, Angel. I am truly sorry we did not tell you before, but Cordelia thought ... we thought ... nevermind. I am telling it now and please listen. There was a car accident four months ago...".

Angel listened very carefully to Xander's story and his anger and pain melted away with every sentence he spoke. Buffy had lost both her children, she had nearly been killed herself. And she was still in her own world. He knew it was not his fault but he could not help feeling guilty. He had left her, he wanted her to lead this normal life and it had hit her full speed. When Xander had finished his little speach the only pain he was feeling now was for Buffy and her loss. The vampire looked up: "And what do you want me to do exactly?"

Xander sighed in relief, this was the old Angel he knew, always concerned about Buffy's happiness: "I want you to come to Sunnydale with me and try to talk to her. You ... as much as I hate to say that ... had always this special connection. You don't have to be afraid to meet her husband, he had to leave town for a few days. So would you come and ... try to help?"

"Xander, do you think I can help? Do you really think that? Buffy and I ... we have not seen each other for a very long time. Don't you think it would be better to leave it this way, for all of us?"

"Angel. I know this is a lot to ask but to be frank it is the only thing that I see now. They have tried everything with her. And she has not spoken for the whole four months. She doesn't even focus on anyone. She is like a robot. It's so scary and depressing. So would you come with me tonight?" His voice had become pleading in the end, urging Angel to see how serious the situation was.

The vampire took an unnecessary breath: "Alright, I come."

Xander let out a relieved breath: "I am glad," he smiled at his former enemy. Over the years his rage towards Angel had softened and after spending many weekends with Cordelia he had learned to almost admire him. "So can we go? Now?"

Angel nodded and they headed out of the office. Cordelia looked at Angel sharply: "What is happening?"

"We're going to Sunnydale." And with this Angel and Xander left the office leaving an open mouthed Cordelia behind them.

The drive to Sunnydale was silent. Both men were hanging on their thoughts. Xander was constantly discussing if he had done the right thing. But what else could he have done. Buffy had responded to no treatment so what damage could Angel be. It was at least a try. And then there was the little fact he did not like Mike at all. Buffy had changed since they had been married. Sure she was still the slayer but somehow the idea of making Mike happy and his life wonderful had become the center of her being. Xander hated this and he was longing to see at least a bit of that old Buffy he had once fallen in love with.

Angel's mind was racing. He would meet Buffy again. He had known something was wrong with her. He had just felt it. Even after such a long time he could still sense her. Sense if she felt happy or not. Actually he only felt her pain, when she was happy there was just nothing. Was this strange? He had never thought about it. And now he would see her again. Was he able to face her? Was he able to deal with the pain this meeting would cause? Was he even able to help her? He himself had changed a lot the last years. The self-pitty was almost gone, he felt less guilty now that he had helped so many people and also the expectation that he might become human someday was a light at the end of the tunnel. A hint that he was more than a blood-sucking demon after all.

They passed the Sunnydale-sign and Angel felt a twist in his gut. He was nervous - he laughed inwardly, this was ridiculous. He felt as if he was heading for a date with his love... and in a way he was, he had to admit. Not a date, but Buffy would always be his love, his one true love.

Light was shining to the dark street from the Summers' living room window when Angel pulled his car to the driveway. Angel took a deep breath and followed Xander to the house. The young man turned and smiled a bit sheepishly: "Uhm ... Joyce doesn't actually know I went to get you, so ..."

Angel smiled: "It's okay. I am not scared of Joyce, just ring the bell."

Xander smiled back and rang. After a short while Joyce Summers appeared in the doorway. She had grown older and her hair showed some gray now. She smiled sadly at Xander but her eyes grew wide when she saw who accompanied him: "Angel," was all she was able to say.

Angel smiled politely: "Joyce," he nodded his head slightly.

"Joyce," Xander began: "Angel came to see Buffy. Actually I went to get him. Can we come in?"

She nodded and showed them into the house. To Angel surprise she gave him a smile: "You know her room, just go upstairs."

Angel nodded at her and went to the stairs. He turned again: "I hope you don't mind me coming?"

"No, I don't. Maybe it is good for her, just go."

Angel could not help but smile. She had really changed, obviously the concern about her daughter's health had made her think about some things. He knocked on the door and when there was no response, he entered. From what Xander had told him he had not expected her to answer, but what he saw now scared him to death. There she was but she was barely herself. She was a skinny, fragile frame of the once energetic Buffy he had known. Her eyes looked into nowhere she seemed caught in her own little world, not able to deal with her pain. Slowly he approached the bed and sat down. Gently he took her little hand in his and closed his eyes for a moment just to feel her, feel to be near her, just one precious moment. He swollowed hard and squeezed her hand slightly: "Buffy, it's me, Angel."

Buffy had been in her own world for a long time. A world where it was safe and kind. Nobody was hurting her, nobody was forcing her to pretend to be someone she wasn't. She felt at peace and painless. But on the other hand it was cold as well, there was not love, not passion, no sun. Not that there was any in her life anyhow, but there at least had been Andrew. He was gone now, so emptiness was the only thing left. As a consequence there was no reason to come back. But suddenly someone was entering her safe world. A voice she would recognize everywhere and it was pulling at her, pleading her to come back. Slowly Buffy tried to focus on the spot where the voice came from.

Angel sat on her bed, her hand tightly in his and whispered gentle words, pleading her to respond to him. His head was bowed and he had closed his eyes. He never saw that Buffy's head turned slightly and that she looked at him when he finally whispered: "I know you think there is nothing now to come back to. I do not know how much this means to you now, but I miss you, Buffy. Won't you come back to me?"

Tears were running down her cheeks when she suddenly whispered: "Oh Angel."

Part Three

Angel's head shot up, his eyes wide and unbelieving: "Buffy," he whispered back.

When she finally nodded he felt tears in his eyes, tears of relief: "Oh Buffy," his voice hoarse : "They told me you would not talk to them."

She looked at him, her eyes were so sad and so full of pain: "Oh, Angel, my babies are dead." The tears were now falling uncontrolable.

Angel leaned forward and gathered her in his arms holding her tightly. Heavy sobs were shaking her body and she was clutching to him like a life-line. When she became more quiet, she asked: "Do you know?"

He nodded: "Xander told me. He was the one who brought me here. I am so sorry, Buffy. I swear I did not know, Xander told me today..."

"No, don't be sorry. But you are here now and that is everything that matters. Please just hold me, Angel. I cannot go on without you, please be there for me."

Angel hold her close and was sure it was only the result of the last months that she was speaking these things. But that was not important at the moment. Buffy was the person he had to focus on. She needed help, his help a tiny voice in his mind told him: "Shhh," he said gently. "I am here."

She pulled back: "But you are not here to stay, I can feel it. You will leave later, won't you?"

Slowly he nodded: "Yes."

She took a deep breath: "Take me with you."

"What?" Angel had the feeling someone had hit him. She wanted to go with him.

"I cannot stay here. In Sunnydale, at my house, near ... them. Everything is to near. I cannot stand it. I just want to go with you - as a friend. Are we still friends?"

Great, friends, just great his inner voice muttered. But the other part knew he had to help her, had to make her feel better, for his own sake. He closed his eyes but looked at her only a second later: "If you really think? But what about your husband? He will be worried."

"Mike," the name came a bit to sharp. "Forget about him. Can I come?"

"If you really want that. But we have to go back with Xander, he took me in his car."

She shook her head: "No. We can take mine. It's outside. Mike brought it here some weeks ago, just in case."

"Alright, but you should pack some things. I have a guest-room," he grinned slightly : "actually I have a quite human apartment. So you can stay there if you want."

She tried a smile and simply said: "Thank you."

Angel left Buffy's room so she could change and pack some things. He went down the stairs still in shock, she had talked to him, she wanted to come with him. He could not help that one part of his mind was singing with joy, stop it, he told himself. Friends, she said friends and she is married.

Joyce and Xander looked at him expectingly when he entered the living-room. Xander asked: "Any success."

"Actually," he began but was cut by a knock on the door.

It was Willow. She smiled when she saw him: "Angel. It's been a long time."

He nodded: "Yes it has. Hi Willow."

"Willow, was there a reason you came, can I help you?" Joyce had left her seat in the living room and joined them at the stairs.

"I just wanted to have some holy water from Buffy's room."

Angel's eyes widened: "You are patroling."

"Yes, with Giles and ... Spike," she sighed: "I hate him but he is helpful nevertheless. At least with demons."

The vampire chuckled slightly: "Sort of frustration therapy I guess."

Willow was taken aback, had he joked? Was this Angel? She shook her head still trying to digest a joking Angel and was about to answer when a voice came from above that made them freeze - well all exept Angel who had pretty much expected it.

"I am ready, can we go?" With this Buffy appeared on the top of the stairs carrying a bag and slowly making her way down.

Joyce gasped, Willow fought with her breath and Xander ran out of the living room, staring at the slayer, who had by now reached the bottom. Joyce was the first to find her voice: "Buffy," she whispered.

"Hi, Mom," Buffy tried to smile.

Xander stared at the slayer then at the vampire and then he grinned: "Wow I actually had a good idea. I am really proud."

Angel smiled at him and Xander suddenly felt he liked him. It felt strange but good too.

Joyce stepped forward and hugged her daughter tightly, then she noticed her bag: "Honey, what is this?"

"I am going with Angel," Buffy simply stated.

"WHAT," three voices shouted unison.

Buffy smiled slightly at Angel: "This must be a real shocker."

Angel could not help but chuckle.

"Buffy, sweatheart."

"No, mom. I made my decision. I just have to leave, have to get my head free. I am going with my *friend*, Angel, to LA. I need some space."

Hesitantly Joyce nodded: "But what about Mike?"

Buffy sighed: "Tell him, well tell him what you want. We are going now." She looked at Angel who nodded and took the bag from her. She smiled and headed for her car.

Angel looked round: "I am sorry. She asked me and ..."

"No, it is okay, Angel. She is speaking again, this is like a miracle. Take her with you if it is what she wants. Maybe you can persuade her to call me ... maybe tomorrow." Joyce put a hand on his arm: "I know she is safe with you. Thank you for bringing her back."

Angel only nodded and left.

During the drive to LA Angel from time to time glanced over to his right to look at her. Buffy had fallen asleep after a short while. She must be tired, he thought. God she looks so tired and she is still so beautiful. He felt a tight grip on his heart, his whole being cried out for her, his soul was longing for its other half. And there she was, nearer to him than for years and still so far away. Married, she is married the reasonable part repeated again and again. But the soul was already on a joyride. He tried to concentrate on the traffic for the rest of the way.

When he reached his apartment everything was dark, so Cordelia had already left the office. He was glad, because he did not want to deal with her tonight. After the first office had been blown up and after their time at the hotel they had just moved to a new building. The office was bigger and the apartment was not so brooding, simply because he was not brooding so much anymore. But it was still downstairs, with small windows only, easy to darken during the daylight hours. Angel leaned over and shook Buffy's shoulder gently, when she did not respond, he got out fo the car, walked over to the other side and just took her in his arms, holding her bag with the one that supported her back. She stirred the moment he entered his apartment and told him to let her down. He smiled. She was still the slayer, weak or not. He saw her looking around and asked: "Like it?"

"Yes, I like it. It is very much you although you have changed. A lot, I can see it. It is somehow ... lighter."

He laughed: "Yeah, it is. And I think I have changed."

"But you look tired," she noticed.

He looked to the ground a little embarrassed: "Well, I was not sleeping so well, I could sense you ... I mean, I could just feel something was wrong."

She walked over to him and forced him with her hand to look at her: "I can feel too when something bad happens to you. I woke up from a nightmare when your first office was blown up. Xander told me weeks later about it and I knew then."

He nodded and looked to the clock: "It is almost two o'clock in the morning, maybe you should get some sleep."

When she nodded he showed her the guestroom. Before she closed the door she stepped on her toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

When Buffy woke up the next day it was already afternoon. She yawned and streched. Suddenly she felt better as she had for a long time. She was even able to think about Andrew and the lost baby without the urge to cry out loud. She opened the door and walked over to the living room where Angel was sitting on a sofa reading. He looked up and smiled : "Hey".

"Hey. I missed that," she pointed at the book. "Coming in a room and you are reading. That is so familiar to me. Would you read something to me?"

"Aren't you hungry?"

She frowned: "Starved actually, but I almost forgot, " she left out a short laughter and it was music to Angel.

"So what do you want," he asked.

"You are cooking breakfast?"

"To your service, madam," he stood up and walked to the kitchen, taking bacon, eggs and some saussage out of the fridge.

"You keep human food in store?"

He nodded: "Cordelia does. I cook for her sometimes. And Wesley is eating here too. Officially it is my apartment, but sometimes I think this is the office takeaway."

Buffy laughed again: "You really have changed. You laugh more, you are making jokes, you look ... less guilty."

She was still good at reading him, he thought. "I do actually feel better," he admitted. "Maybe because there were some people I could help."

She nodded and sat on her chair when he finally placed a filled plate under her nose. Buffy smiled: "It looks good," she took a bite "and tastes even better. You are a genius."

"Thank you," he smiled. "You want something to drink?"

"Do you have some juice?"

"Apple or orange?"

"Apple please. You know, we are having a normal human breakfast here, well I have, but this is an everyday sitation."

"You look better today," Angel told her.

"I feel better, much better."

"Do you want to do anything today? Maybe go out for a walk?"

"Is it okay when I stay inside. Just today, you could read to me?"

He smiled: "Of course. And I would love to read something to you." Married, she is married, the inner voice said again and again.

"She is where," Giles almost shouted when he had come to see Buffy.

"I told you already. She went to LA, with Angel," Joyce sighed.

"And you think this is okay?" Giles could not understand the woman. She who had disgusted Angel so much, she let her daughter go with him.

"He managed to bring her back. She wanted to go. Rupert, I just want what is best for her and obviously he is - for the moment. She has gone through a lot recently and maybe she needs some distance to move on again."

"Distance is the key word," Giles muttered under his breath.

"I heard that," Joyce said turning for the kitchen to make some tea for them.

"She is what?"

"She is downstairs," Angel told her the third time. He'd never thought Cordelia was dense.

"And you think that is a good idea? She is going to break your heart again, you know that, right."

"She wanted to come. She needs the distance," the vampire answered.

"Distance is the key word," she replied.

"Cordelia you are my friend, but please stick your nose in your own affairs. I'll be downstairs the whole day. There is a friend who needs my help."

He turned and left. Cordelia sighed in frustration and took the phone to call Xander. He after all had started the whole mess. So she had at least someone to yell at.

Part Four

"How is Buffy," the male voice on the other end asked.

"She is okay," came the answer.

"Fine. Tell her I love her. I'll be back tomorrow night. Any changes?"

"N... No, not really."

"See you tomorrow then. Bye."

"Bye." Joyce Summers stood there still holding the phone in her hands, she could not believe she had lied to Mike. But more disturbing for her was the reason why she had done this, she was actually happy that her daughter was with Angel. She shook her head, maybe I am possessed she thought and went to do her laundry.

"So will you go to Los Angeles at the weekend," Willow asked her friend while they were walking towards Giles' apartment the night after Buffy had left Sunnydale.

"Yeah, I am going tomorrow after work." Xander answered.

"So you will see Buffy too?"

"I don't know, Willow. I am seeing Cordelia. She does not live with Angel, I mean her apartment is about five minutes away and she is not working on weekends so I don't know."

"But you will try to see her," the redhead insisted.

"Willow, what do you want to tell me?" Xander did not know what she wanted but he got the feeling he would not like it.

"It's just ... you know. She is married and she is with Angel now. I think it is not a good combination."

He sighed: "Willow stop it, now! Don't do that again, don't interfere with Buffy's life. You already did that and look what happened. You pushed her to be with Riley and that was, well I am not commenting it. And then Mike and you did the same. Telling her how good he would be for her and trying to play the matchmaker."

"I only try to do what is the best for her," she said slightly hurt.

"Or was it because you didn't like to see her alone? I am not sure if there were more selfish reasons." Xander knew he'd hurt her with this, but after seeing Buffy standing, talking and just being because Angel was near he had suddenly understood many things he did not see before.

"That is harsh, Xander. I am her best friend. Best friends want to see their friends happy. And that's what I am trying to do, make her happy." Tears welled in Willow's eyes.

"Well than for this time, leave it. Just let Buffy decide. Not that she has a decision, has she? I mean she is with Angel, so what can actually happen? He is still a vampire and as far as I am informed he is still cursed with a clause, right. And she is married to ... no, I am not saying his name. So stay out of
it. She obviously needs this time away from here. And it will be minor, because I am sure the moment that precious husband of hers appears he will go and bring her back home."

"Good." Willow nodded and Xander only hoped it was not the answer to his last sentence.

When Cordelia entered Angel's apartment the same night she could not help but smile. The vampire sat on his sofa, eyes closed and a book in his hand. Curled to his side the blonde slayer. Cordelia had not seen Buffy since her visit to the hospital more than three months ago and was shocked how thin and tired she looked.

Cordelia sighed, there had been lots of phone calls today and she was exhausted. Wesley was still in Ohio researching some demon related problem, so she had no help during the days and probably also through the nights now, the former cheerleader frowned. It was obvious that Angel planned to spent his nights with Buffy at the apartment. Her thoughts were interrupted when Buffy stirred and slowly opened her eyes. She smiled tiredly: "Hey, Cordy."

"Hi, Buffy," the brunette smiled back.

"Cordelia, is there something you wanted?" Angel had opened his eyes as well.

"Actually, yes. First of all I am going now. It's already late. Then Wesley has called. He will stay in Ohia until Sunday. Some things have been more complicated than he thought, but he did not give me details. Xander has called," she frowned: "Okay I called him, to yell at him," she grinned seeing Buffy quirking her eybrows in confusion and Angel slighty smiling: "so after yelling at him, he asked me if he could come and see you Buffy, tomorrow when he is coming to LA."

"Why," Buffy asked cautiously.

"Well, he wants to meet you," Cordelia answered confused. What was the matter with the slayer?

"Oh. Okay, I'll be around, I suppose," she looked at Angel. "Are you okay with this, this is your apartment."

He smiled: "I am fine with it. Bye the way has anything happened with Xander? He was ... nice to me."

Buffy laughed: "Maybe he's just grown up. No, seriously. I think the whole Anya-thing was hard for him and made him see some things. First of all that there is a difference between the person and the demon in the same body." She took Angel's hand and squeezed it gently.

"Uhm, guys. I am going now and you two promise to be all friendly in an only-friend way, right. Because I would rather not stake the boss."

"Cordelia," Angel sighed. "Just go home and read a good book. Or get Dennis to wash your back."

"Ewwww. No thank you. He did that once and I nearly had a heart attack. So have a nice time." She waved and closed the door behind her.

Buffy looked at Angel: "So this is the way it goes. Your employées are entering your apartment at any time? What if you have a friend over? And who is Dennis?"

"Buffy," Angel brought his body in a more upright position which forced the slayer to give up the place at his shoulder. "Last question: Dennis is Cordelia's invisible roommate. She sort of rented him with the apartment. And funny enough she seems to like it."

"What is it with Cordelia and invisible persons," Buffy frowned slightly.

Angel laughed shortly: "And the other question, yes they just invade my apartment at any time. Maybe it is my fault, because I did not stop it from the beginning, but usually it is no problem. And no, I do not have friends here, well not the friends you are talking about."

"What do you mean by that. I am just talking about friends."

He smiled: "Come on Buffy, don't play games. No I have no girlfriend, no I do not date. Happy?"

She turned her head away: "I am sorry. I have no right to ask."

"No you have not," he sighed and got up: "but I don't mind you asking anyhow." He turned to face her again: "Tea?"

Giles sat in his living room with Xander and Willow who had joined him shortly. He was still staring at the page he had just read. Shaking his head he took off his glasses and looked at the two of them: "Oh dear, oh dear."

"G-man, if I would be Buffy I would say I hate when you say that. So what is the matter?"

"There is some prophecy and I am not liking it, it is very disturbing. And I had a phone-call from Mr. Pryce two hours ago. He is in Ohio, Angel sent him there for research. It seems he has found the same."

"So care to enlighten the innocent human," Xander became impatient. What was it with Giles and to many words.

"The prophecy is about a forthcoming battle. A battle between good and evil."

"Opening the hellmouth? Just say no, because I SO do not look forward to the poly-headed snake under the library," Willow shuddered.

"No, not opening the hellmouth, but something similar dangerous." Giles put his glasses back on his nose.

"So are we going to die tomorrow, because then I cancel my date with Cordelia," Xander tried to joke.

"I did not know you were dating Cordelia," Willow looked at him surprised.

"It was a joke Rosenburg. A joke," Xander shook his head.

"Can we just concentrate. This is serious." Giles could not believe they were grown ups. What has happened to the world he thought. Could any prophecy may be worse than todays youth.

"Fine with us." Willow smiled excusingly.

"It seems Angel knows more than we. From what Mr. Pryce told me he has connections to the Powers That Be which is really astonishing for the fact he is a vampire and they are the good ones. But Cordelia gets visions from them," he looked at Xander.

"Yeah, I know. And nasty headaches."

"Care to explain why you never mentioned that to us," Giles asked with an angry voice.

"She asked me not to do. She said Angel would handle that. He is a sort of warrior for these Powers or how you call them." Xander was getting annoyed with all this.

"He is their warrior?" Giles gasped: "Oh my god," he became pale. Xander and Willow looked at him questioning.

But Giles was deep in thoughts. Angel. It was Angel. Of course, it had to be Angel. He was the dark warrior. He had seen all the prophecies about the dark warrior and Angel was him. He looked back to the book in his lap and then towards his tow helpers: "This prophecy talks about the warrior of the dark and light fighting together. If it is true what you said, Xander, then the dark warrior is Angel and the one of the light..."

"Is Buffy," Willow finished his sentence. Then it hit her: "So you think there is a reason all this happened. I mean all the things that brought her back to LA, to Angel? So she can fight with him, I mean?"

"Most probably, Willow." Giles smiled, she was really bright, maybe the youth was not lost after all.

"Hey, but I brought Angel here and this is the reason she is in LA now. Wow, does that mean I am part of a prophecy?" Xander grinned broadly.

"Xander," Giles sighed. "This is really not important at the moment. This book gives the exact date of the battle. It is the night of the new moon, which would be the night from Sunday to Monday. And that means we have to go to LA on Sunday."

"We are going to LA," Willow frowned.

"We have to. If this is correct Buffy and Angel will have to fight that night and they need any help they can get."

"I am going to LA tomorrow," Xander informed the others, well he imformed Giles, Willow already knew. "So I am just staying there. Oh that means another vacation day - my boss will just love it."

"So are we clear then, we are going to LA?" When both nodded Giles leaned back and sipped from his tea. The end of the prophecy was the part he had not told the others about. What would Buffy do if she knew. Would she be able to fight if he told her. No, he decided, there was no way telling her that the dark warrior would not survive the battle. He had to call Angel when the others were gone. He was sure Angel and Wesley had not seen the text he was reading right now.

Part Five

Angel again sat on his sofa, but this time he was not reading, he was just staring into nowhere. Buffy had gone to bed an hour ago. He took a deep breath, when he gave in to Xander's request to go to Sunnydale he was expecting it would be hard to see her again. But he was not prepared for all these feelings that were running through his entire being. Staying away from her had been painful but he found a way to cope. He had been busy most of the time and saving people had been a very satisfying job. The moment he had seen her laying on her bed he knew he was lost and he knew Cordelia was right. This would break his heart again, but he had no choice. Whatever they had said to each other, however they had hurt each other in the past, she was sad and needed help. He knew she would go back to her life and to her husband when she was better. A sharp pain went through his heart thinking about that and he could not help but think about 'Déjà vu' - he had to watch her leaving once before but he just knew it would even be harder this time because all these years ago he could make himself believe that there was a way maybe in years time. But now her life was settled, she had a husband waiting for her. God, how am I going to deal with this. And she is absolutely innocent and oblivious to this. She came to me, her friend, for help. And help I will give, for gods sake. He startled when the phone suddenly rang and got it quickly not to wake Buffy. Surprised he heard Giles' voice.

"Angel. How is Buffy?"

"She is fine. She went to bed some time ago. Is there anything I can help with," Angel had a feeling that Buffy had not been the real reason for the late call.

"Uhm ... Angel, there is a prophecy I have to tell you about. Mr. Pryce phoned me some hours ago and because he found the same hints I guess we can believe this to be right." Giles was nervous, it was not an easy task to tell somebody he was going to die.

"So, go on, I am listening."

And so Giles began to tell him everything about the dark warrior and the fate he had soon to face. When Giles finally ended his speach, Angel asked:

"And you are sure of this," his mind was spinning. What was about the prophecy Wesley had translated some years ago. He was meant to become human. But then Wesley had not been so sure about the meaning of the words, so maybe...

"Angel, are you still there," came Giles voice again.

"Uhm... sorry, just thinking. Listen Giles, I am grateful for the information. But if this is my fate it will happen anyway. There is nothing we can do about it and after all I have lived much longer than most people or non-people, so I had my fair share and it's not as if many people are going to be sad when I am gone." The same minute he had spoken the sentence he hated himself for that. That was not the new Angel, some of the old guilt had come through. He shook his head in disbelief and was happy the ex-watcher did not see him right now.

"We have fought prophecies before. Buffy was meant to die by the master's hand and she survived."

"Thanks for your concern Giles, but really I can live with this. I am not afraid to die, you know."

"I know, but anyhow, Willow and I will go to LA on Sunday, maybe we can help, somehow, Xander will be there anyway."

"Fine. See you on Sunday then. Giles, one favour, don't tell Buffy about that, she has enough to deal with right now."

"I had no intention to tell her. But you have to tell her about the prophecy, you both have to train and prepare."

"I will tell her, tomorrow," Angel was not looking forward to this. God how he wished right now that she was not the slayer, that she was not forced to deal with the sake of the world when her own had shattered only such a short time ago.

"Good. Good Night, Angel."

"Good Night."

Angel closed his eyes. So he was going to die, well that was one perspective. He had told Giles that he was not afraid to die and that was true, but surprisingly he did not *want* to die, what was something completely different. He enjoyed being on earth and he suddenly realized how much he had changed the last years,he was actually enjoying being alife as much as that meant in his case. Sure he was missing Buffy every minute of every day, but he had learned that there was more in life than that. Thinking back he rembered having these thoughts when he had been human, all these years ago in Ireland. So he had human feelings, true human feelings and now he was going to die. Fate certainly sucked.

Suddenly a loud cry interrupted his thoughts. It came from the guest-room. Angel jumped up and burst into the room. Buffy was tossing and turning in her sleep, having a nightmare. He approached the bed slowly, sat down and tried to shake her gently: "Buffy, please wake up. It is only a dream. Come on, wake up."

Her eyes shot open and he could barely bare to see the pain in them. After a few seconds she was able to focus on him and her whole body started shaking. As he had done it the night before he gathered her in his arms and hold her: "Shh," he whispered. "It was only a dream. Nothing but a dream."

She pulled back and shook her head: "No, well yes, it was a dream. But it was reality too. I saw... oh God ... I saw Andrew."

Angel felt helpless, he hadn't even known her child: "I am sorry, Buffy, truly sorry. If I could do anything... anything."

"I know," she tried a smile: "But we cannot, he is gone. I loved him very much, you know and yet," she began to cry again. "Angel, oh God I killed him, I killed my baby," she finally broke down.

The vampire could not believe what she was saying: "What do you mean? Buffy, you did not do anything. You did not even drive the car."

"I know, but I made it happen."

He didn't understand a word of this: "What are you talking about? Made it happen?
It was an accident."

She nodded: "I know, but ... do you know why I did not speak to anyone? I did not talk because I felt so guilty and I did not know how to deal with it." She shifted in her bed to come into an upright position and looked him right in the eye: "I feel guilty because I married Mike without loving him. Well, I thought I loved him, but I did not. I knew it the moment Andrew was born, the moment ," she stopped and gripped his hand: "the moment I remembered our perfect day."

Angel only stared at her: "You... but this is not possible. How ...," he swallowed hard: "Oh God, Buffy, you were not meant to remember."

She nodded: "I know. But after I did everything that had been with Mike was just a lie. Realizing that I tried everything to make life wonderful for him. Tried to be the perfect wife, gave in to," she stopped again and swallowed : "every sexual phantasy he had, just to make amends for not loving him. But it was not enough. He must have felt it, because... two weeks before the accident I came home late from a dinner with Willow. I was meant to stay at my mom's house that night, but decided otherwise. However I came home and he... he," she again started to cry: "He was in our bed... with another woman. I stormed out of the house. I told only my mother what I had seen and stayed with her. The day of the accident we had a lunch to talk, but I had made my decision. I told him I wanted to get divorced. This whole marriage had been a fault." She took a breath: "He did not take it so well but he did not yell at me because Andrew was with us. He even had the guts to ask me if the baby was his, if I was leaving him for another man. Instead of yelling he drank and I was so angry at him I did not notice it. So the car slipped, because ... because he lost control."

Angel did not know what to say. He was a loss for words and anger was rising inside of him against the man that got drunk, had killed his two children and risked the life of his wife. So he embraced her tightly and hold her what for seemed hours. Finally he just said: "I love you."

He could hear her gasp and looked down in her unbeliving face: "You love me?" How could he love her, how could he even look at her after everything.

"I have always loved you, Buffy. Always as I had once written in a book of poetry and I meant it." He reached out and touched her cheek, wiping her tears away with his tumb.

"I love you too, I always have. I made myself belive otherwise but it was a lie, it was always a lie. The moment Andrew died I could hear my soul crying out for you." She cupped his face in both hands and met his lips in a sweet, gentle kiss.

When the kiss ended Angel could not believe the love that was now radiating from her eyes. He swallowed: "So you are going through with it, the divorce I mean."

She nodded: "Yes. I am sure of it. Now more then ever. I could never be with him anymore. Never."

He glanced to his watch: "It is late, Buffy. Maybe we should try to sleep now. There are some things you should know, but not tonight, tomorrow."

He pulled away and got up but she held his hand: "Stay with me. Just hold me."

Angel did not answer, he just pulled his shoes off and crawled on the bed next to her gathering her firmly in his embrace. Only minutes later she was asleep. He also closed his eyes, he knew she had to know about the coming battle, but tonight he would hold her, this was their night, together.

On to Part Six