Masquerade

by Kim

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I don't want them, they make me cry too much. Joss and his people do the owning thing

SPOILERS: Nothing. Completely AU fic.

DISTRIBUTION: Great, just let me know where.

FEEDBACK: Please.

RATING: R

AUTHOR'S NOTES: No Vamps, no slayers. The only monsters in this story are human ;^) I just wanted to write something different, this is it.

Prologue

First there was nothing.

A deep black abyss of nothingness staked its claim on her soul, smothering it slowly in triumph. It was strong, fierce and ruthless. But the spirit was stronger…

Slowly, one by one her five senses started to reconnect, each one breaking down the walls of unconsciousness and grasping the brand new day.

Part one.

It was a small room.

Small, white, with a strong smell of disinfectant and something she couldn't quite put her mind to…

Flowers

That was it

The fragrance of fresh cut flowers fought its way bravely through the sanitised aura of the room. A sharp intake of breath confirmed the flowers in question were roses.

Most likely long stemmed and yellow

She liked roses.

She liked yellow.

As the perfume filled her senses her mind was flooded with reminders of sunlight. Vibrant, warm and nurturing.

Peaceful

Inside her mind it was almost silent.

The only sound that penetrated the quietness was the faint ticking of a distant clock. It's subtle tick, tick; ticking was just enough to be noticed but not enough to be annoying. Not yet anyway.

Turning her head, the first thing her eyes focused on was a cheap painting of the seashore hanging crookedly on the far wall. Angry waves broke over jagged rocks but a small sliver of sunlight seemed to appease the hungry sea. In different surroundings it might have passed as pleasant but, on closer inspection, the work had been ruined by bad brushwork and to add insult to injury, a really tacky frame.

The painting was unfamiliar, but then so was the hard wooden chair in the corner and the small bedside cabinet that looked surprisingly like a hospital locker, right down to the small jug of water and chipped glass tumbler.

On reflection, it didn't just look like a hospital locker; it *was* a hospital locker.

With that startling revelation the smell of disinfectant returned and the white sterile walls that surrounded her hard uncomfortable bed started to close in.

Fighting against a wave of panic and nausea, her head slipped to the other side of the crisp starched pillow. The scenery she faced wasn't very different. The same white washed walls, a slightly different seashore painting but it still had the same tacky frame, and yet another uncomfortable looking chair.

It was definitely part of a hospital.

She sighed, and then she saw him.

At the far end of the room the figure of a man stood at the window with his back to her, seemingly gazing into nothingness. His broad shoulders hunched slightly under a crumpled black silk shirt, and his hands were thrust into the pockets of equally dark trousers, stretching the fabric over his lean hips.

Suddenly, her skin felt hot and her mouth was too dry.

As she cleared her parched throat, the slight noise seemed to cut right through his reverie, causing him to turn and stare hard in the direction of the hospital bed.

"Buffy. It's about time you came back" His voice sounded like crushed velvet, each syllable smooth and soft as it slipped into the quiet room.

"Back?" The patient asked the question with uncertainty as her large hazel eyes studied his expressionless face.

As he moved out of the direct sunlight, she could make out his features more clearly.

At a little over six feet tall, with chiselled good looks and deep-set dark eyes, the expression *Tall dark and strikingly gorgeous* didn't really do him full justice, but it was a start.

"Back. Back to the land of the living, of course. It was touch and go for a while, you gave the doctors a real scare"

As she carefully studied him, she noticed that *Mr.Tall dark and strikingly gorgeous* was giving off an array of confusing signals. His softly spoken voice sounded relieved but at the same time, his body language remained cool, almost distant. When she didn't speak he continued.

"You've been unconscious for a while now, almost forty-eight hours" he stopped and sighed wearily "Do you remember what happened?"

"Unconscious?"

She started to sit up but her whole body seemed to protest against the idea. The tall dark man with enigmatic eyes sighed, pulling his hands from his pockets.

In a few long strides he crossed the room.

"You shouldn't try and get up yet, not until a doctor has spoken to you." His voice stayed remote but those eyes told a different story. Placing a hand on her arm he lowered her back down onto the hard mattress.

She was too weak and disorientated to put up any real resistance, but it was something else that stopped her trying.

The touch of his warm fingers on her bare arm caused her skin to tingle as if a small spark of static electricity had brushed over her body. It was a shock to her system in more ways than one.

For a brief second their eyes met, and he could clearly read the questions that lurked in the confusion, questions she seemed nervous to ask.

In that same second, she found herself needing to breathe, and when she did, his masculine scent flooded her senses. He smelt of ivory soap and stale cigarettes.

The sudden sound of a nurse's soft footsteps interrupted them, causing the man to step back and thrust his hands back into his pockets.

"Good morning, sleepy head. How are you feeling?" The middle aged woman smiled. Picking up the patient's slender wrist, she checked the rate of her pulse against her watch.

"I'm not too sure. It kinda hurts all over"

Still smiling, the nurse removed a thermometer from her top pocket and after shaking it a couple of times, slipped it under the patient's tongue.

"That's perfectly understandable in the circumstances. Just lay still until the doctor gets here, he will explain why you're in pain" Years of practice gave her voice the calming edge it needed to ease the patient's fears.

"My head's beginning to really hurt"

Leaning across, the nurse removed the thermometer and placed her hand to the younger woman's forehead.

"Your temperature's fine, but you did take a bad knock, the swelling has only recently gone down"

"Knock? Did I knock my head?"

The nurse raised her eyes over the young woman's head and looked towards the other occupant in the room, when he shrugged his shoulders she returned to her patient.

"I just want to ask you a few questions, just normal procedure to check for concussion. Okay? "

"Sure"

"Do you know what year it is?"

"2003" The answer was a knee jerk reaction, it slipped over her tongue without any need for thought.

"And your date of birth?"

"January 19^th 1981" Still not a hint of hesitancy.

"And who is the President of the United States?"

The patient chewed her bottom lip slightly before answering.

"George Walker Bush, unless they've finally found a way to kick him out" This time the reply was even light hearted as her confidence seemed to grow.

The nurse smiled, putting her more at ease.

"Good girl, no problem there at all. Just one last question and I'll get you something for that headache. Can you tell me your name"

"My name? Of course I can, its…"

The nurse watched and waited, as the younger woman seemed to struggle on the simplest question of them all. After a few moments she admitted defeat and her face crumbled into a large frown. Biting back tears, she slowly shook her head.

" Elizabeth Angelus." The quiet words came from the other side of the room.

The confused patient looked up with large grateful eyes. For a moment real fear had squeezed her heart at the failure of that question, but at least now she had an identity.

She met his gaze, looking slightly puzzled.

"Wait. I remember now, but not Elizabeth, I think my friends call me Buffy"

He nodded, and once again moved closer to the bed.

That's right, it was a childhood nickname but now everyone calls you Buffy." The voice continued softly spoken but remained devoid of all emotion.

In her gratitude she didn't really notice.

"Wow! That's a real relief, I was beginning to get worried there for a moment" Buffy laughed as a tinge of colour returned to her cheeks but was quickly reminded of the throbbing in her temple.

Her slight grimace reminded the others.

"Do you still need something for the pain?"

"Please" Buffy replied trying not to nod her head and increase her discomfort.

While the nurse attended to the pain relief, Buffy turned to the other presence in the room. He bothered her in a way she didn't understand.

He was definitely *tall dark and gorgeous* but there was an also a hint of something uneasy about him, something dangerous.

"I'm sorry, you seem to know me and yet… Are we friends?"

Turning to face her, darkness covered his handsome features.

" No. We're not friends, Buffy" He snorted.

Cold, almost black expressionless eyes flashed in her direction, sending a shiver screaming down her spine.

"You're my wife"

Part 2

"You're my wife"

"WIFE? Buffy squeaked out the word in total disbelief.

Whatever she'd been expecting it certainly wasn't this little bombshell. At her startled expression, her so called *husband's* face creased into a dark, almost angry frown. His broad shoulders seemed to slump beneath his shirt and she was almost certain she heard him quietly sigh. Tearing her eyes from his face, her gaze travelled nervously down the length of his muscular left arm and on reaching his fingers, it settled on what appeared to be a small, gold wedding ring.

You're my wife

At the sight of the ring, an invisible band tightened around her chest, squeezing all the air from her lungs. Biting back the acid bile that was burning her throat, Buffy's shocked eyes edged slowly to her own left hand, only to discover the third finger was suspiciously bare… Oxygen was only returned to her protesting lungs when she realised that all her other fingers were also bare. Taking a welcoming gasp, Buffy calmed herself with the knowledge that she was in a hospital bed and almost naked, so the lack of a ring at this point didn't prove or disprove anything.

This is utter madness

From the moment she awoke her life had become surreal, nothing made sense anymore.

The silence that filled the room was almost deafening.

Turning her head, Buffy's anxious eyes flickered back to her *husband* and the coolness this man radiated caused her to shudder.

Suddenly her throat was too dry, the room was too hot and troupes of small men with wooden clogs on their feet, danced frantically up and down inside her head.

Okay, breathe Buffy. You remember how to do that much.. It goes in, out, in, out... Each shaky breath caused her small chest to swell up against the rough hospital gown.

"You're my wife"

"We're married?.. You and me?" Buffy's large hazel eyes blinked as the information tried yet again to break through her disbelief.

The man claiming to be her husband glared, only his cryptic eyes showed any real emotion. Their coolness cut through her like freezing rain, causing Buffy's whole body to tremble.

Mr. tall, dark and gorgeous suddenly looked tall, dark and scary. His whole body seemed to tense up at her question. For a second, Buffy could have sworn she saw something resembling anger or even worse, bitterness flash in his deep chocolate orbs. When she looked again only indifference shone back at her.

Feeling the tension between the couple grow, the nurse took a diplomatic step forward.

"Buffy..." She started with a calming smile, carefully choosing the name the girl seemed more comfortable with." Do you recognise this man?"

Do you recognise this man?

The simple question brought Buffy crashing back to reality.

Did she recognise him?.

Looking up, she took a few more seconds to study his handsome features and then slowly nodded her head.

" You're Angel?" It was more of a question than an answer.

On her almost uncertain reply the nurse turned her head.

"I thought your name was Liam?" She asked suspiciously.

"It is. Only my wife calls me Angel"

Angel snapped back, annoyed that he had to explain something so intimate to a total stranger. He ran his hand slowly over his chin and the slight growth of stubble reminded him that he'd hardly slept in three days. What with the resent stress he'd been under, and now the lack of sleep, it was no wonder he was becoming irritable.

"I'm sorry, but you people already know who I am, you were the ones that called me, remember?" With a frustrated sigh he returned his voice to a softer level " All I'm concerned about is my wife, there's obviously a real problem here"

Buffy watched quietly, her eyes never once leaving his face.

He was giving off the most confusing signals.

Raising both hands to the side of her head, she massaged her temples, trying to rub out all the confusion swimming around in her memory.

"I don't understand any of this. My head, it's all mixed up, nothing's in the right place, everything's so fuzzy..." Buffy closed her eyes begging for the blackness to swallow her again, and return her to it's warm nothingness.

Was there really a giant hole inside her head that used to hold memories of loving this man, marrying this man?. How could she possibly forget something that monumental, and yet still remember insignificant things, like the fact she liked yellow roses.

"Here, take these" The nurse held out her hand and dropped two small pills into Buffy's trembling palm. Reaching over, she filled a small glass with water from the jug on the bedside locker and carefully placed it in her patient's other hand. Without hesitation, Buffy threw both tablets inside her mouth and swallowed them down with a large gulp of water.

Straightening the crumpled sheets, the nurse then offered a reassuring smile.

"They should ease the pain and also help you sleep"

Buffy shook her head.

"I don't want to sleep, I need to understand what happened to me..." She tried to stifle the yawn that broke free but failed as a renewed wave of exhaustion attacked her whole body.

"All in good time. First you need to rest. The doctor has been called and he will want to talk to both of you but, in the meantime, please try and sleep."

"But I…."

"Buffy, do as you're told. Close your eyes," Angel's clear voice was the last thing she heard.

She wanted desperately to protest, but her eyelids were already dropping. Within seconds, the darkness was washing back over her, pulling her into its safe, silent vortex. Only one picture accompanied her on the journey..

The face of this *Angel*... who ever he was.

"Try not to be too concerned Mr. Angelus, a small amount of memory loss is not uncommon in cases like this."

Angel sat in the cramped doctor's office several hours later. He was tired, hungry and extremely frustrated but all that was put aside by his need to understand Buffy's condition.

Doctor Adam Walsh carefully studied the notes in front of him; he was nearly as tired as Angel after being on call for almost forty-eight hours. Ever since the accident two days earlier, the hospital resources had been pushed to breaking point. Every member on the staff had worked around the clock as they fought bravely to save the survivors.

Slipping off a pair of thin, gold rimmed glasses, he rubbed his own tired eyes before returning his attention to the notes

Angel wasn't impressed, the kid in the white lab coat didn't look old enough to be out of med. school, let alone be responsible for Buffy's care.

"You said a small amount of memory loss, just how small are we talking about here?" Angel asked impatiently, his large body leaned across the desk making it clear he was sick of being brushed off. He wanted answers and he wanted them now.

Refusing to be intimidated, Adam Walsh scanned the papers again. He sympathised with the anxious man but knew in cases of amnesia, there really were no text book answers, each case was different. He also acknowledged that Liam Angelus wasn't a man to be messed around.

Catching sight of an important sentence, the young doctor looked back across his desk.

"I understand Elizabeth recognised you, she remembered some personal information?"

Angel nodded.

"Sure, she remembered a pet name, but she's my wife dammit, how can she forget something like that?" A small muscle in his jaw twitched with frustration.

"The accident must have been very traumatic, even though the CAT scan showed no damage to her brain, there's still the problem of shock to deal with. From what I've been told it was hell on earth out there, we don't know how much of the accident she witnessed, what horrors her mind is trying to forget. People have strange ways of handling stress. In your wife's case she seems to have shut down part of her mind."

"You're saying Buffy has amnesia?" Angel asked, not liking the idea one little bit.

The doctor nodded. Adam Walsh had seen more than his fair share of amnesia cases, especially accident victims.

"So how long will it last?" Angel asked.

Scratching his chin, Adam considered the question carefully before replying.

"We can't know, it could be an hour, a week, a year. It all depends on Buffy and her state of mind."

"And in the meantime what am I supposed to do?"

"At this moment in time Mr. Angelus, you know your wife better than she knows herself. She will need as much love and support as you can possibly give her. You need to take her home and treat her as normally as possible. Maybe when she's in familiar surroundings she'll feel safe enough to open her mind and let out what ever demons frightened her into closing it."

"And what if her memory never comes back. What if she never remembers me?" Liam didn't even want to consider that possibility.

Adam Walsh shook his head

"Permanent amnesia is extremely rare, especially in cases where there was no damage to the brain. No, your wife seems to be suppressing something, all we can do is give her time"

Outside the hospital, Angel sat in his car and dialed the familiar number by heart, after a few short rings, the other end clicked open

"Hi Cordy, it's me" His weary voice breathed deeply into the small cell phone resting against his ear.

"Liam, It's about time you called, I've been worried sick" The woman's reply was both angry and concerned.

Angel rubbed his hand over his tired eyes and relaxed deeper into his seat. For a hire car it wasn't too comfortable but it was better than nothing.

"I know and I'm sorry, what can i say, its been a rough few days" He almost laughed at the understatement, the last few days had been a nightmare and from what the doctor had just told him, it was only just beginning. The female voice on the other end of the line soon broke him from his reverie.

"Liam, will you just cut to the chase. Is it the little bitch or not?" This time her tone was almost venomous.

"Cordelia! Don't talk about her like that" Angel's mask slipped for the first time and real pain showed in his hard brooding eyes. It had been easy to hide his feelings from Buffy; months of heartache had turned him into quite the actor. Cordelia would be green with envy at the skills he had picked up. But now out in the real world, the pain he had carefully hidden for the last three months surfaced and threatened to suffocate him all over again..

"Yes, it's Buffy" His eyes softened as the memory of her smile caressed his battered heart.

"And what has the bitc..Sorry, what has your wife got to say for herself? What excuse did she try to fool you off with"

"She didn't...."

"Oh please, don't tell me you forgave her" Cordelia angrily interrupted.

He could almost feel her contempt burn across the miles separating them.

"It's not that simple, she's got amnesia" Angel shook his head, cradling the phone closer to his ear, he waited for the explosion to follow. He wasn't disappointed.

"And you believed her! Liam you really are a dumbass"

"That's enough. I think you should remember your place, you're my little sister, not my mother" Angel snapped, his patience now pushed passed its breaking point.

For a second neither spoke, both sibling was too consumed with their own conflicting emotions to risk hurting the other.

"So, now what?" Cordelia calmed her tone of voice, she knew shouting at her brother wasn't the answer. She could almost see him shrugging his shoulders as he fought for the right answer.

"I guess that's up to Buffy"

"You really are a big, stupid, dumb ass.." She repeated her earlier insult but this time there was real pain in her voice. Cordelia didn't give him time to reply

"Liam, be careful, please, please be careful this time"

At the sound of his sister's real concern Angel pulled himself together.

"Don't worry, sis. She won't break my heart a second time"

Ending the call, Angel turned on the ignition and pulled away from the hospital. He seriously needed to shave, take a hot shower and change his clothes before seeing his *wife* again.

She won't break my heart a second time The promise he'd make to Cordelia rang loudly as he drove the short distance back to his hotel.

There was no chance of that occurring, nobody played him for a fool twice

As his heart started to freeze back over, Angel made a new promise to himself.

All he wanted from Elizabeth Angelus was closure and once that happened...she could go to hell for all he cared.

Part 3

"How long now?"

"She's been out for about twelve hours"

"I think it's time you woke her"

Voices, distant and jumbled broke into the warm dark place that cradled her mind.

Reluctantly, Buffy lifted her heavy eyelids and with the first whiff of disinfectant, she realised what she'd thought was a nightmare had started all over again.

"Hello Elizabeth"

"I'd rather you call me Buffy," She replied without even looking up. When Buffy finally did pull herself up, she was greeted with almost navy blue eyes.

"Of course, Buffy it is," Adam Walsh smiled warmly at his patient. His handsome young face and light blonde hair immediately putting her at ease.

"I'm Dr Walsh and I've been overseeing your treatment for the last few days." Adam added as he turned and picked up her chart from the clipboard at the foot of her bed. After scanning the results of the last few tests, and being pleased with their readings, he turned his full attention back to his patient.

"So, Buffy, how are you feeling now?" He asked, replacing her notes and removing a small penlight from his coat pocket.

"I think the word *confused* sums it up perfectly." Buffy replied as she sat up and adjusted her ill-fitting hospital gown.

"That's understandable" Adam murmured. Leaning forward, he shone a tiny beam of the light first in to her left eye and after watching the pupil's response, transferred it to the right.

"And are you still having difficulty remembering?"

Buffy blinked as the bright beam of light hit her eyes.

"Yes"

"From what I've been told you were a very lucky woman. Considering the injuries of the other victims, you seem to have escaped lightly," Adam switched off the light and returned it to his top pocket.

"Escaped?" Buffy's voice was barely a whisper.

Cold fear started creeping through her veins. As much as she needed to hear this information, the unknown that was once her past terrified her.

Adam Walsh watched the frightened young woman's face and hoped she was strong enough to learn the truth about the accident. In normal circumstances he would have waited for her husband to be present, but these were far from normal circumstances.

" You were involved in an accident, Buffy. We've been having some real freak weather here in New York this last month. Some of the worst storms in twenty years. It seems the bus you were travelling on lost control in the heavy rain, and it crashed. There were a lot of other vehicles involved. It's been chaos here the last few days; there were so many fatalities. Sadly, only three of the bus passengers survived, two of them, an elderly couple, are in intensive care and the third, well, that's you."

Buffy felt the air sucked out of her lungs as the doctor's words entered her head.

"Oh God!"

Her pretty face lost all colour as the blood drained away in shock.

"The paramedic who brought you in said you were thrown clear before the bus burst into flames. Apart from a badly sprained ankle, a few nasty cuts and bruises and of course the knock to your head, you came out of it pretty unscathed"

"I think I'm going to be sick" Buffy threw her head forward and wrenched, but her stomach was too empty to comply.

Rubbing his hand over her back in support, the doctor gently persuaded her to lay back against the pillow.

"You will need to keep off that foot for a few days, but apart from that, you'll be fine"

Raising her fingers to her face, Buffy gingerly traced the row of butterfly stitches that snaked across her cheek. She knew from the pain that it was only one of many cuts and bruises covering her body.

"The cuts to your face are only superficial, they'll heal without scaring," The doctor added softly on seeing the fear in her eyes.

Buffy bit into her bottom lip as hot salty tears started to burn.

"After hearing about the other passengers I guess my pathetic worries make me look pretty superficial" Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks as she lowered her hand.

"Of course not, you are a beautiful young woman, it's only natural you would be concerned. Try not to worry too much, just rest and let time do the healing"

Buffy sniffed back the last of her tears, she was thankful for the kind words but they failed to make her feel any better. She couldn't help feeling ashamed of her reaction. People had burned to death and here she was worrying about her face. A few scars should be the least of her problems.

On reflection they were.

"And what about my memory, or the lack of it?" She asked, finally pulling herself back together.

Adam knew this question was coming and he replied with the only answer he could.... The truth.

"As I've already discussed with your husband, these things are quite common. A knock to the head or a traumatic experience can often lead to these problems. It's just like your other injuries, Buffy. We just have to give them time."

Time

Buffy laid back and closed her eyes.

At least she was alive, and unlike most of the other passengers on that bus, she did still have *time* on her side.

She also had something else

A Husband she couldn't remember and now survivor's guilt she would never forget

Would the nightmare ever end?

"I would kill for a shower" Buffy sighed running her fingers through her lank and greasy hair. Now she was fully awake, she longed to stand beneath a jet spray of hot water and wash away, not only the sweat and dirt of the last few days, but also all the confusion and pain that invisibly coated her body. Even though she still couldn't remember the accident, the smell of death seemed to linger on her skin. Her greatest fear was that mere soap and water would never be enough to remove its stench from her soul.

The news of the accident had been a real shock, but Buffy knew it wasn't the only ghost that haunted her past. Something even darker lurked behind the black hole that had replaced her memory, something even harder to accept than the fact she had almost been killed.

"Sorry, you can't visit the shower room yet, it's too soon, you really don't want to get your stitches wet"

Buffy looked up.

"You also need to rest that foot for a few more days" The nurse replied apologetically as she straightened her patient's bedding.

"What about a bath then, anything, just so i can feel human again" Buffy continued to plead her case and tried to leave the dark thoughts that had swamped her to one side. She seriously needed a distraction, even if it was only for an hour, she needed desperately to relax.. Because if she could relax, then maybe, just maybe she could remember.

"You're missing the point, honey, you're not allowed out of bed. If you fell on that ankle you could seriously hurt yourself."

Buffy almost laughed

"Didn't you hear? I'm invincible"

The sarcastic reply was ignored.

On Buffy's defeated expression the nurse softened.

"How about I wash your hair for you, a blanket bath maybe?" she offered, feeling a new wave of sympathy for the younger woman's plight.

At the offer, Buffy's large hazel eyes lit up and smiled back warmly at the kindness. For a split second, she seemed to remember the face of her mother; it was no particular memory, just a warm caring face. It wasn't much, but it was a start and in that second, the picture brought her real hope.

"Besides, we can't have you looking all grubby when that handsome husband of your arrives."

"Thank you" Buffy replied, but suddenly the happiness she was feeling slipped away. Just the thought of Liam filled her with trepidation. She certainly wasn't looking forward to seeing him again.

Not looking like this anyway

Buffy didn't like where that thought came from and quickly closed it off. There was something odd about the way Liam's cold dark eyes washed over her. He was incredibly good looking and as sexy as hell, but no matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't shake the feeling that something bad had passed between them.

As the nurse wrapped a towel around her shoulders and poured warm water from a jug over her head, Buffy frowned

Without a doubt, Liam was one of her ghosts..

Part 4...

"There!.. You look as pretty as a picture" The nurse pulled Buffy's freshly washed hair back into a ponytail and snapped on a small coloured band to hold it in place. Even without a trace of makeup, she could tell the young woman was a real beauty. Buffy's large hazel eyes were framed with the longest lashes and her perfect silky skin, apart from the abrasions received in the accident, was the colour of golden honey. There was only one thing that worried the nurse, and that was the girl's weight, or lack of weight. Her petite patient was far too thin; she looked as if she hadn't eaten properly in weeks.

Leaning forward, the concerned nurse tied the small strings at the back of Buffy's ill fitting nightgown and tried not to notice the ribs poking through her skin.

"We really must get you something new to wear, this hospital gown doesn't look at all comfortable" She added adjusting the large starched pillows behind Buffy's head.

At her soft words, Buffy looked down at the simple cotton gown and smiled.

"That would be nice, this kinda itches in all the wrong places" She giggled and for the first time that morning, her fear of the unknown was pushed aside. In that instant, Buffy's whole face changed, and with the new sparkle of light dancing across her eyes, she looked like a completely different person.

"You need to smile more, it really suits you" The nurse smiled back, pleased with the transformation. At the compliment, her patient blushed, a small tinge of colour highlighting her pale cheeks.

Pale thin cheeks

As diplomatically as possible, the nurse broached the subject of food.

"Do you think you could manage something to eat? I could order you something light, maybe some eggs?" She offered hopefully

Buffy wrinkled her nose.

"Not a good idea..." she frowned sadly as a wave of nausea washed over her. In the confusion of the last few hours, all thoughts of food had been pushed out of her head. It was hard enough just keeping water inside her stomach.

The nurse still wasn't happy and tried a different approach.

"You need to get your strength back as soon as possible, Buffy. Doctor Walsh will never discharge you until you do."

Discharge me, I hardly know what day it is

As the well meaning words entered her head, reality snapped back in.

The turmoil returned like a mist swirling over the sea, its presence once again smothering the light from Buffy's eyes.

Watching the change cover her face, the nurse tactfully changed the subject.

"So, the blanket bath was a success?" She asked, turning to the bedside locker, she started picking up the damp towels and after folding them neatly, she placed them on her trolley.

Buffy nodded, it wasn't the shower she had dreamed of but it was a real relief to feel clean again

"Thank you, you've been very sweet, nurse...?"

Leaning forward, she squinted to read the small nametag on the front of the woman's uniform.

"Tara, you can call me Tara. Unless there's a doctor in the room" Tara winked back and picking up the bowl of dirty water; she turned and pushed her trolley towards the door. Just before leaving, she stopped and turned her head back.

"Buffy... Try to remember what the doctor told you, it's just superficial."

Buffy looked up from her bed and their eyes met for a moment and held. Finally pulling her gaze away, she nodded her head indicating that she understood perfectly.

"Sure, just superficial"

With one last smile, Tara left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

As her small world returned to its quiet, peaceful state, Buffy let her eyes drop down into her lap. Sitting cradled between her fingers was the small make up mirror she had earlier requested. Not that she was worried about applying her lip-gloss, at that moment; a makeover was the last thing on her mind.

For a few minutes she just sat quietly turning the mirror over in her hands but never once looking into its face.. Just knowing it was there caused a dozen different emotions to run screaming through her body. Fear, anticipation, curiosity, uncertainty...

Running her tongue nervously over her dry lips, she studied the back of the small looking glass as if it held the secrets to the universe, and in a strange way, it did. At least the universe she had once lived in..

Both Tara and Doctor Walsh had offered to be with her when she took that first look, insisting that this was something she shouldn't have to face alone. But Buffy had argued, and won. This was definitely something she needed to do on her own.

Taking a deep breath she raised the mirror to her face and slowly opened her eyes.

"Oh God! Thank you." A small prayer of relief slipped softly over her tongue.

The reflection staring back at her was one she instantly recognised. The many cuts and bruises covering her skin didn't surprise her, they were pretty much what she had come to expect. The large black eye was a bit of a shocker, but all in all, her face wasn't too horrifying. Raising her hand, her fingers traced lightly over the line of butterfly stitches on her cheek, before moving across her nose and stopping at her swollen left eye.

You seem to have escaped lightly Adam Walsh's words filtered into her head and lingered. It was true, an inch either way and she could have been blinded, or maybe even worse. But she wasn't. Somehow a miracle had given her the chance to see another day.

Amnesia wasn't such a high price to pay after all.

Buffy sighed deeply and a single tear slipped over her dark lashes and trickled silently down her cheek. But it wasn't the sight of her injuries that caused her to cry with relief, under all that trauma, she finally saw something she remembered.

"I know you, you're Buffy.....Buffy Anne Summers" She smiled softly and watched her eyes reflect back the pleasure she felt at seeing a familiar face, even if it was only her own.

Buffy Anne Summers For reasons she didn't understand, this was the name that best fitted the reflection. Buffy shivered, she recognised the name and the face, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find a single memory of being the person.

Your name's Elizabeth Angelus

At the new thought, Buffy shook her head, she didn't know that person either, but out of the two, she knew which one she preferred.

A small rap at the door caught her attention and before she could call out, it opened.

"Can I come in?" Angel asked but didn't wait to be invited. In a few long strides he was standing at her bedside, the same stoic expression masking his handsome face.

"How are you feeling?... " He asked as calmly as he could manage.

Just seeing his wife looking so vulnerable had awoken feelings Angel didn't want to acknowledge. He had stood outside her room for thirty minutes, waiting for the nurse to leave and in all that time, pictures of their past life together taunted his head. As he walked into her room, it took every ounce of determination he possessed not to tell her just how much he really cared.

On seeing her new visitor Buffy attempted to smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

It felt strange looking at a man who she obviously shared so much of her life with, but no matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't find a trace of that life in her memory.

Liam Angelus had just fallen into a big dark hole of nothingness inside her head.

Feeling slightly sick, Buffy reached over for a glass of water and to fight the effect of the nausea, she sipped the cool liquid slowly. In the quiet room, her empty stomach growled out loudly as the water reminded her again that she hadn't eaten in days.

Lost in thought, her fingers must have trembled because suddenly Angel was reaching over and removing the glass of water from her hands.

"Here, let me take that for you before you soak the whole bed" His deep rich voice sent prickles over her skin.

Maybe this man hadn't fallen completely into that black hole after all

Buffy looked up as his face closed in and she felt a slight tug in her chest. There was obviously something between them; just his nearness set alarm bells ringing in her blood. It was just so confusing. He said he was her husband and sometimes he looked as if he really worried about her, but there was definitely something missing between them. There was just something in his eyes, or maybe there was something missing from his eyes.

*Were they close. Had they ever been close?* Far too many questions and no where near enough answers made Buffy's mind even more jumbled.

Pulling up a small chair Angel sat down. He forced his eyes not to stare at the small row of butterfly stitches that snaked across her cheek and involuntarily found himself hoping they wouldn't leave a scar. The thought of Buffy's lovely face being disfigured had haunted his dreams every night since the accident. No matter how much she had hurt him, he couldn’t help feeling she didn't deserve that.

"I've spoken to your doctor" His voice was soft when he spoke and although it gave nothing away, it surprised her.

"Me too "Buffy smiled back again, trying to lighten the mood between them. If they really were husband and wife they should at least be able to talk to one another.

But her pleasant smile was ignored and his face remained stoic.

"They want to keep you in for a few more days, just for observation. Are you all right with that?"

Buffy raised her eyebrows.

"Why wouldn't I be alright with it?" She asked confused at such a strange question.

"I just thought with your fear of hospitals and such..."

Her vacant expression portrayed that she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Hospital fear? Sorry, just add it to the long list of things I seem to have forgotten!" Buffy apologised for not understanding and waited for a deeper explanation.

Angel shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he remembered the first time she had confided her phobia. Not long after they married, Buffy had woken one morning in incredible pain, she was immediately rushed to the emergency room with a suspected Appendicitis. It turned out to be a false alarm, only a touch of food poisoning, but Buffy had been almost hysterical at the thought of staying in overnight. She explained about a cousin who had once died in hospital when she was a child and the irrational fear had followed her into adulthood. Angel had stayed by her bedside the whole night, never moving in case she woke up and thought she was alone..

You should know better, Buffy. I'll never leave you

It was only that promise that had kept her in the hospital that night.

Angel almost smirked at the memory, but deep in his chest, his heart ached at the irony.

"You once told me you hated hospitals, they ..."

Buffy watched carefully as he explained her childhood fear in more detail. As the words passed between them her eyes carefully studied his body language. He seemed tense, almost as if he were holding back a torrent of emotion she had yet to see. It baffled her but then again so much about this man confused her.

He looked different today. When she had first woken the man greeting her had looked a wreck, all being a drop dead gorgeous wreck. Now was a different story. Liam had shaved, gelled his hair in to tiny spikes and swapped the crumpled black outfit for blue faded jeans and a dark navy sweater. Mr. tall dark and gorgeous suddenly appeared Mr. tall dark and breathtaking.

"How's your head?"

Realising he had stopped talking and was waiting for an answer, Buffy raised her hand and ran her fingers lightly over the small bump.

"I think my head's still there" she smiled at his concern and this time her eyes sparkled. Angel felt himself drawn into the deep hazel pools and felt a pang of regret crush his chest. He'd always loved her eyes; they were the windows to her soul..

"I see you haven't lost your sense of humour" he grinned, determined not to let her see the effect she was having on him.

"No, just the memory" Buffy playfully grinned back. For the first time she found herself relaxing and enjoying his company.

Without either noticing, the tone of their voices changed and as they continued the conversation, they sounded more like lovers than strangers

" You were so lucky, Buffy. You could have died" His warm brown eyes looked distant for a moment.

"Liam? You weren't with me on the bus, right?" This was a question that had played on her mind more than once. Even though she'd already been told there were only three survivors, Buffy couldn't help wondering where her husband had been that day.

Angel shook his head and his eyes filled with regret. She hadn't called him Liam since the first few weeks of their relationship. Buffy had shortened his surname and used the endearment as a pet name just between the two of them. Cordelia nearly had a fit the first time she heard it. His sister had cried with laughter but it hadn't worried him at all. He loved the way the name caressed his wife's tongue. As the memories continued, the pain in his heart grew, It seemed so long ago now, back in the days when his sister and wife had been the closest of friends... And then out of nowhere Buffy had ruined everything.

Angel slammed the door shut on the past and brought his mind back to Buffy's question.

You weren't on the bus with me, right?

"No. The police think you were travelling alone" he replied honestly.

Buffy crinkled her forehead as she struggled to delve into her memory but no matter how many times she tried, there were still no answers to be found.

"Where was I going?" The not knowing was driving her crazy.

"From what I understand the bus was leaving New York."

" We live in New York?" she asked hopefully.

Angel shook his head

"We live in a small town called Sunnydale."

At the name of their hometown Buffy looked at a loss

"You don't remember Sunnydale?"

"No"

The name meant nothing.

"Do you remember any of the accident?" He asked curiously

Buffy bit her lip and stared at him blankly for a few seconds before replying

"No. Just waking up" Into this nightmare she added silently. A nightmare that seemed to grow more confusing by the second.

"So what do you remember?" Angel persisted with his questioning.

"Well...Umm...The president of the United States, I got that one right" Buffy joked. She knew she was clutching at straws, there were other insignificant things she remembered, but that wasn't what Liam wanted to know.

His next question proved her right.

"What about me Buffy, you said you recognised me. How much do you remember about us?" the faintest hint of a humourless smile crossed his lips as he waited for the answer. Angel had waited a long time for this moment, he wasn't going to like what he heard, but he needed to know all the same.

" I remembered your name.." Her eyes looked away.

"And?" Angel fought to get the word out, he swore she almost looked embarrassed.

Buffy bit her lip again, unsure of herself. After a few frustrating seconds she shook her head.

"That's all.. I'm sorry, I know you said that I'm your wife but... but I don't remember you at all"

Angel sighed with disappointment, it was worse than he first thought. Until Buffy remembered her past, neither of them would ever find the peace they were both searching for.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them.

"Tell me about my family" Buffy asked startling him slightly. Angel wasn't sure if it was a good idea but they had to begin somewhere.

"There's not really much to tell. Your mother, Joyce, she died before we met. She was killed one night coming home from the gallery she owned. That just left you and your sister, Dawn. Dawnie's away in college at the moment. Your father's alive but you haven't had contact in a while.. Buffy?.. Buffy are you all right?" Angel stopped talking on seeing a stream of tears run unchecked down her cheeks. Her small shoulders shook and his heart melted at the sight. He'd always hated seeing his wife cry.

Drawing her legs up to her chest, Buffy wrapped her arms around them. She suddenly looked like a small child again, her features covered in grief.

"I remembered something earlier today, just a face really. It was my mom's. I... I didn't remember her being dead ... I'm sorry, I know this is stupid but it feels like I've just lost her all over again" Her small voice broke. The pain and exhaustion of the last few days finally taking their toll.

Picking up her hand for the first time, Angel absentmindedly caressed her fingers. He suddenly had a crazy urge to put his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to work out fine, that he would take care of her.. She was his life and the explanations he looked for didn't matter any more.. But they did matter and the romantic thoughts shook him right down to his toes....Denial returned quickly. He didn't want to take care of her, he wanted to cut her heart out and use it for target practice, just as she had done with his, three months earlier.

"So, apart form my sister, I've got no one" Buffy sniffed, feeling even more sorry for herself.

At her careless words a cold shiver run down Angel's spine. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he re-opened them, his mask returned and covered his face, draining all the emotion he felt from his features.

There was a time, not long ago, when all Buffy had ever wanted was him, and he had been enough. Dammit, he had been everything to her, just as she had always been enough for him.. As his fury rose, Angel slammed the door shut on those sickening memories; he simply couldn't bear to remember the lies that had broken his heart. Realising he was holding her fingers, Angel dropped them, almost as if they burned his skin.

"You're not completely alone, Buffy. You have a few close friends." he sneered at the thought. They had all taken her side. Buffy could never do anything wrong in their eyes. All except one

Looking up, she didn't seem to notice the coolness return to his eyes.

Buffy wasn't sure how she felt at that moment. Finding out she was almost totally alone in the world scared her more than she wanted to admit. This man, this stranger who held her hand for a few moments might act indifferent but she had felt warmth in his touch, a glimmer in his eyes that didn't lie. She knew for some reason he cared about her more than he wanted her to know. Something else scared her, when Liam was holding her hand she had the strangest feeling she never wanted him to let it go..

Suddenly she was beginning to believe that there was maybe something between them after all.

Taking a calming breath, Buffy looked back into Angel's dark eyes

"And there's you" She whispered as she wiped away her tears.

Angel didn't answer her, he couldn't. Everything was becoming too confusing. Months of bitterness had kept his anger strong but every time he looked into her eyes, he was reminded of all the reasons that he had loved this woman in the first place. It terrified him .. No matter how much he wanted to hate her, his lonely heart continued to rebel.

Angry at his weakness, Angel pulled all his bitterness to the front of his mind.

"Do you want me to take you home, Buffy?"

"Home?"

To Buffy, the word sounded almost unreal.

Flashes deep inside her mind told her that home was were the heart was, home was warm and safe and smelled of chocolate cookies and family.. Not strangers with cold hands and even colder hearts.

But where else is there to go??? Her head whispered back sadly

"Well...?" Angel asked impatiently, at her hesitation, he couldn’t stop the twinge of bitterness that entered his voice

Buffy sighed deeply; there really was nowhere else.

"Yes, take me home..."

Part 5.

When Angel arrived, bright and early the next morning, he was carrying an armful of expensive looking shopping bags.

Just finishing her nightshift, Tara Giles caught sight of the handsome young man as she wearily headed for home. She watched for a moment as he slowly climbed the hospital stairs. Liam looked tired again, his shoulders were slightly slumped and his deep brown eyes seemed lost in a world of their own.

Tara was usually a good judge of character and she knew immediately that things were not as they seemed with this man.

While working on Buffy's rehabilitation, she hadn't failed to notice how he acted around his young wife. Liam Angelus always seemed so cool, calm and collected with Buffy but when he thought he wasn't being observed, his emotions were an entirely different story. Where Buffy was concerned he was definitely hiding his true face behind a stoic mask.

As she studied him more closely, Tara noticed a sadness about Liam that she'd rarely seen before. He showed all the classic signs of nursing a badly broken heart and yet that little scenario didn't make any sense at all. His wife, who even a complete stranger could see he adored, had miraculously survived the accident intact. Memory loss might be troublesome but it was far from being life threatening. Dr. Walsh had already confirmed that Buffy's amnesia had a 90% chance of being only temporary, and that the rest of her injuries would soon fade from sight. In no time at all Buffy had a great chance of being the same person she was before the accident.

On that information alone, Liam should have been the happiest man alive, but it was very clear to Tara that for some unknown reason he wasn't. From the dark look on his face as he reached the top step, Liam was a million miles away from being happy.

As he rounded the corner of the hospital and finally disappeared from her view, Tara sighed. Her patient, who she had grown very fond of, was going home with this man in a few days time.

Turning towards her car, Tara Giles hoped with all her heart that Buffy wasn't making a big mistake.

After inquiring about his wife's condition with the nurse on reception, Angel pushed open the door and quietly entered her room.

That morning the small, sterile room was bathed in soft golden sunlight, its' warm rays falling gently across Buffy's bed. As Angel moved closer he noticed that she was still sleeping peacefully. Her pale face resting against the hard pillow looked totally relaxed in its slumber. The swelling to her left eye seemed to have reduced and the beauty that lurked beneath the bruises shone out like a beacon in the dark.

"Angel" The sudden murmur of his name was so quiet that he almost missed it.

For a second he thought she was waking, but Buffy only sighed in her sleep and rolled over. In her new position, the soft rays of golden sunlight now highlighted her whole face. Her long blonde hair spilling softly across the pillow like an angelic halo.

At the sight, Angel's breath hitched in his throat and he was certain he felt his heart break for the millionth time.

Sitting quietly in the bedside chair, he watched as she continued to sleep for another hour, all the time refusing to give into the bitter tears that stung the back of his eyes.

With every minute that slowly ticked by, Angel's resolve grew stronger.

It didn't matter how beautiful she looked, he would never let her get close enough to hurt him again

"Good morning, or should I say afternoon?"

At the sound of his smooth voice Buffy's lashes flicked and slowly opened.

For a few seconds she seemed disorientated but as the haze of confusion lifted, the corners of her mouth turned into a small smile.

"Hi....." She finally returned the greeting to her early morning visitor.

He's not a visitor, he's your husband The little voice inside her head reminded her quickly.

Although Buffy still had problems thinking of Liam as her husband, she made a firm decision the night before to try a lot harder. If they were ever to get back to normal, or as close to normal as possible in the circumstances, she would have to accept without question that they had once shared a life together. It would be hard but it wouldn't be impossible... Or at least she hoped it wouldn't

Slowly sitting up she curiously eyed the bags he was holding.

"Your nurse, the one who was in here last night, she told me you needed a few things. I went shopping," Angel said casually dropping the parcels he'd purchased onto her bed.

"A few?" Buffy's eyes lit up.

" It looks like its Christmas morning." She smiled and reached excitedly for the first bag.

Angel watched quietly as an almost childish quality covered her beautiful features. For a second he was almost tempted to question her answer, which Christmas morning was she referring to? But just the look in her eyes made him hold back. For the first time since she had woken from the accident, the pain and confusion that had taken residence upon Buffy's face seemed to have faded from sight. A few parcels had done more than any pep talk could have. Without meaning to, Angel found his own face smiling back at her.

"I bought you some nightwear, a few toiletries and some clothes to travel home in. I hope they fit, Buffy. The jeans and shirt might be a little on the large size, you seem to have lost weight recently." His eyes hadn't failed to notice how tight her skin now stretched over her small frame.

You seem to have lost weight recently

Buffy thought the remark a little strange, surely she couldn't have lost that much weight in just a few days. But as she opened the next bag her attention switched to its contents.

"I..... I wasn't too sure of your bra size so I brought a few different ones" Angel stuttered slightly as the garments came into view.

Buffy looked up and caught the blush that crossed his cheeks before he had time to remove it. Looking back at the cream silk and lace underwear, she found herself wondering if he had ever bought her gifts like this before.

"They're lovely and I really appreciate you going to so much trouble..." Buffy gasped as she pulled a pale blue, silk, nightgown from a gift-wrapped package. When she looked back up, her eyes were once again filled with questions.

"What about my own clothes?" she asked quietly.

Angel sat back down in the chair next to her bed.

"The ones you were wearing were ruined in the accident. If you had any luggage on the bus it was destroyed in the fire. Of course, there's a possibility that the rest of your clothes are safe but because you can't remember where you were staying..."

"But surely you must know, I must have told you where I was going" Buffy interrupted.

Angel slowly shook his head.

"No" His voice was cold.

"This is getting more confusing by the second. How did the hospital know who I was? How did they know where to find you?

"They found your driving license and passport close to the wreckage" Angel noticed how pale she suddenly looked. Leaning forward he gently picked up the new nightgown, running the soft material through his fingers. The second he had seen it in the shop window he knew it would look beautiful against her golden skin.

" Buffy, why don't you get changed, I'm sure you'll feel much better once you're back in normal clothes." The subject was changed.

"Liam, please, I really need to understand..." Buffy changed it straight back again.

But Angel wasn't in the mood to be manipulated; the darkness that passed across his eyes made it perfectly clear that the conversation was over.

"We can talk about this later" Standing abruptly, he turned and walked towards the door.

"I'll see if that nurse is around, you might need some help" Without even looking back, Angel carried on out the room.

Five days later

The fire burned.

It tickled and teased, as it's hot red tentacles licked at her skin. Buffy reached out her hand and watched in horror as the once smooth texture of her tanned arm crinkled and blistered as it slowly melted from the bone. Pain bubbled up in her throat but when she tried to scream, the sound was lost. Lost deep in a maze of confusion. There was nowhere left to run, nowhere safe to hide and no one she could trust. Backing into her shell she watched as the red evil moved ever closer, engulfing her in its heat and anger.

With her last breath she screamed.

"ANGEL.."

"Hey!"

The soft calming word instantly brought her out from the terror of her dream. Buffy slowly opened her eyes and blinked as warm brown orbs filled with concern stared deeply into her face.

"You were dreaming, only dreaming, Buffy" his gentle voice smothered her, washing away the pain of the fire.

Buffy's whole body trembled as she tried to sit up in her seat. All around her, the other passengers on the aircraft were already beginning to look away from the strange young woman who had called out so fearfully in her sleep. Forgetting the embarrassment that would have normally turned her cheeks scarlet, Buffy concentrated on controlling the violent trembling that had invaded her body.

"Sssh, It was only a dream" Angel continued to try and reassure his wife. The look of terror on her face was beginning to scare him.

"But it seemed so real" Buffy shook her head refusing to accept the truth for a few moments. Everything about the dream had been so real she could almost taste it.

"Was it the accident? Did you remember something?" Angel leant forward curiously.

Buffy closed her eyes as the visions continued to taunt her head. But no matter how hard she tried to put them in order, they were still nothing more than a jumbled mess.

"No, I don't think so. But even if it was, it didn't make any sense"

Angel couldn't help the small sigh of disappointment, for a moment he actually believed his wife was breaking through her blocked mind. He should have known better.

Buffy laid her head back against the headrest of her seat and let the low drones of the aircraft soothe her fragile nerves.

It was a long; tiring, flight from New York back to Sunnydale but the first class seats had made the journey slightly more bearable. Buffy's foot was still heavily bandaged and every thirty minutes she had to manoeuvre it in an attempt the stop the beginnings of cramp from setting in.

Originally, Angel had offered to drive them back to Sunnydale in his hire car, but the thought of travelling on the freeways so soon after almost being killed, was simply too much for Buffy's state of mind.

Just the short ride to the airport had been a nightmare. To Buffy, it seemed as if her whole new life was just one long nightmare after another.

The last week had passed in a blur and before she had time to realise it, she was being discharged and sent home.

It felt strange leaving the hospital, in its own way it had become a security blanket, a place where she actually felt safe. Now faced with the outside world and a husband she still didn't know Buffy was hesitant to take the first step to rehabilitation. For some strange reason she couldn't quite understand, she felt as if she was stepping out of the frying pan, straight into the fire..

Standing on the steps outside the hospital entrance, her new friend had hugged her and wished her well. Tara slipped a small piece of paper into Buffy's pocket and told her that if she ever needed somebody to talk to, all she had to do was pick up the phone. At the sweet gesture, Buffy hugged her back, almost afraid to let go.

Adam Walsh then approached her; the good-looking doctor shook her hand and informed her that all her notes had been transferred to the hospital in Sunnydale. With an almost sad smile, he told his patient that any future treatment would be carried out there and he hoped it wasn't too long before her life became clearer. Lowering herself into the passenger seat of Angel's car, Buffy waved goodbye to her new friends until her eyes were so blurred with tears she could no longer see them.

Buffy shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She still couldn't believe she'd actually agreed to go home with a man she still had no memory of even marrying. Turning her head slightly, she carefully studied her travelling companion/husband.

He was handsome, in a drop dead gorgeous sort of way. He seemed intelligent, even considerate on occasion. The clothes he had brought her were expensive and tasteful. But what did she really know about this man.

Nothing

No, that wasn't true

He was cold and distant and sometimes even hostile..

Buffy struggled to find it in her heart to accept the truth. How could she have married a man who plainly didn't love her? She sneaked another look at him and found his enigmatic eyes studying her intensely- as if he too, was reassessing the person he had once known.

The person she couldn't remember being.

The person that might be lost forever.

She needed answers and he was the only one that could tell her.

"Liam, how did we meet?" Buffy started nervously.

Angel thought about the question very carefully before replying. He knew it made no sense lying. He understood that if he wanted to help Buffy remember her past, he would have to tell her certain things about their life together. Taking a deep breath, he brought the memory of their first meeting to the front of his mind and let it play out painfully before his eyes.

" You said it was lust at first sight. It must have been, because you chased me clear across Sunnydale, as I remember" Angel found himself smiling at the reminiscence. In his mind, he could see the younger version of Buffy as clear as day. Her hair was much longer in those days and she had the largest hazel eyes he had ever seen.

At the revelation, Buffy's jaw dropped open in shock. After the way Liam had behaved towards her the last week, it was the last thing she had expected to hear.

If Angel noticed the amazed expression cover her face he didn't comment on it.

His own expression seemed to take on a whole new life. For the first time Buffy saw the real man behind the mask he wore so securely.. Lost in a trip down memory lane, Angel continued with his story.

" You were relentless and ruthless" he grinned " But that's you all over Buffy. When you set your mind to something there's no changing it"

"Oh?" Now she really was speechless.

"Not that I didn't want to be chased." He chuckled lightly and the warm sound tugged at her heart.

"You were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, but that was the problem..."

Buffy opened her mouth again but she was still doing an impression of a goldfish. Her lips moved but no sound was made as she struggled to come to terms with the information about her past..

"You were a mere girl when we first met and I was terrified about the difference in our ages. At the time your mother had just died and I was acting on behalf of your father, he wanted custody of Dawn. I was working for Wolfram and Hart in those days; they were a large law practice in LA. It was a Friday afternoon, I'll never forget, you flew into my office like a tornado from hell. " At that point Angel looked up, his eyes burning with repressed feelings.

Buffy couldn't speak, or move, or hardly breathe as she waited for the story to continue.

"You were so tiny but you fought like a tiger. I don't think Hank Summers ever knew what really hit him..."

Buffy finally found her voice.

" You were helping my father take my little sister away from me?" she finally asked with disbelief.

Angel nodded

"For a while. After I read the case notes and talked to you and Dawn, I realised how wrong it was. I could see with my own eyes how much you loved your sister. I quit working for W&H and took your side instead, not that you needed me. Within a month you had won over your father, you were awarded custody of Dawn and..."

"And...?" Buffy bit hard into her bottom lip.

"I stopped running and let you catch me. I didn't care about our age difference any longer, I knew I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life..." Angel trailed off and looked down. He was suddenly worried that maybe he'd given too much of himself away.

"Did you love me?"

There was a faint uncertainty in her voice as Buffy struggled to accept the possibility. Coming from a man, who wouldn't even touch her, this was almost too hard to believe

Angel let out a deep breath and nodded his head sadly.

" Yes, I did"

"And did I love you?"

At her question he physically flinched.

And did I love you

Angel felt so frustrated he wanted to scream.

In that split second Buffy could see pure pain in the depths of his dark chocolate eyes. Pain and a deep-rooted sadness.

She waited for the answer but it never came.

The aircraft landing lights chose that precise moment to start flashing, warning that Sunnydale airport was fast approaching and that the pilot was getting ready to descend.

When Buffy looked back from the flashing light, her husband had turned his back and was now gazing out of the window. His broad shoulders seemed rigid and as far as he was concerned, the conversation was over.

Buffy checked her seat belt and laying her head back against the seat, she closed her eyes and tried to make sense of all the information she now knew..

Just watching Liam speak, she could feel the emotion of their past radiating off his body like heat on a warm summer's day. At times, when he spoke, there had been real passion in his eyes, both passion and tenderness. But there had also been bitterness and something a lot worse. Buffy almost swore at one point she saw outright hatred. It terrified her but it also sent her mind searching for answers.

If they really had fallen so hopelessly in love just a few short years earlier, what on earth could have ripped them apart?

Part 6

Manoeuvring her crutches as carefully as she could, Buffy slowly made her way down the steep steps of the aeroplane. As her small feet landed safely on the tarmac at Sunnydale airport, she took a deep breath and turned to face the unknown.

So this is Sunnydale She thought as her eyes flickered nervously at her new surroundings. All around her, the grey faceless buildings that framed the airport, seemed to close in as she searched deep into her mind for a trigger, anything that would break through the endless black void that had stolen her life.

Planes, hangars, buildings, people.... Nothing. Not one thing reached through the blackness in recognition and welcomed her home.

Oh God, I'm still lost

One by one, the other passengers from the flight moved impatiently passed the small girl with the bruised face and bandaged leg in their haste to collect their luggage and reach their own final destination. But Buffy was in no hurry... She was too busy being scared to death.

"Well, what do you think of the place so far?" Angel's calm voice floated into her ear as he too descended the steps of the plane and continued on past her.

Leaning heavily on the two metal crutches for support, Buffy couldn't move. A tidal wave of fear and uncertainty swept over her tired limbs, leaving her rooted to the spot. She couldn't do this; she was terrified of taking the next step because that step would lead her straight into the past. And until she could remember that past, her whole future would be left in limbo.

Stop feeling so sorry for yourself A tiny spark of inner strength struggled through her fear.

Pull yourself together, Summers. You might never have visited this airport. That could be the reason you don't remember it

The small thought that danced lightly through her head brought little comfort. Neither did the fact that she continued to think of herself as *Summers*. It was discouraging that she remembered her maiden name and not the name of the man she had married, but no matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't bring herself to use her husband's surname.

"Are you all right?" Angel asked softly, after noticing that his wife had stopped moving.

Buffy didn't reply at first. To the outside world she looked deep in thought as she carefully scanned the small airport. But sadly, no matter how hard she tried; the building just looked the same as the one they had just left. It was a lot smaller than New York airport and the weather here was much nicer but apart from that, to Buffy, it was just an airport. Just another disappointing dead-end.

Seeing the pain slip across her face, Angel took a small step back and reaching out his arm, he gently squeezed her shoulder

"Come on, lets get you home" As he spoke, a hint of concern softened his hard features.

With a weary sigh of disappointment, Buffy slowly moved away from the plane and hoped with all her heart that something on the other side of the airport would look more familiar….

On reaching the main terminal, Buffy and Angel walked silently through the customs area and then on to collect their small amount of luggage. Angel had offered to find a wheelchair but his obstinate wife had blankly refused and continued to hobble painfully until they exited the building.

"You really shouldn't be putting so much pressure on that foot. The doctor told you to rest it for a few more days. I really don't mind getting you a chair" Angel offered again as he watched the pain grow in Buffy's stubborn eyes.

"I'm fine" Buffy mumbled, trying to keep her disappointment from showing. The outside of the airport looked as unfamiliar as the inside.

Moving froward she stumbled slightly and when Angel reached out to stop her falling, she pushed him away.

"I'm not a child, I can manage perfectly alright on my own" Buffy snapped, but she wasn't so much angry at Angel's offer of help as she was of her own failure. Her failure to walk, but more importantly, her failure to remember.

Angel backed away, his face darkening at her cruel dismissal.

"Suit yourself," He smiled tightly, unsure why he felt so annoyed by her reluctance to accept his help.

If the damn woman wanted to cripple herself why should he care.. But that was always his trouble.. He did care. No matter how hard he fought to hate her, part of him still cared. A small part of him would always care.

Watching his body language change, Buffy realised how unfair her outburst had been, and apologised..

" I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap.. It's just so...."

"Frustrating?" Angel offered.

Buffy nodded.

"Yeah, that's exactly what it is" she sighed sadly accepting the truth.

Frustrating was the understatement of the year

"Come on, its not far now, lets get out of this place?" Angel took her elbow and guided her safely across the parking lot to where he had left his car ten days earlier.

This time Buffy didn't protest, she even welcomed the support of his warm hand on her tired arm. For the first time since waking into this nightmarish world, she actually felt safe in his presence. The feeling was surprisingly comforting.

This man might not like you very much but he'd never let you fall. Although the thought came out from nowhere, Buffy knew it was true.

On reaching his parking place Angel checked once again on the state of her health.

"Are you sure you're alright? You look very pale."

This time there was no violent outburst.

Buffy just nodded her head sadly and after passing Angel her crutches, she slowly sank into the passenger's seat of the black Plymouth convertible. Immediately, the smell of polish and leather washed over her senses and she breathed it in deeply. It was familiar and comforting but more than that, the subtle blend of aromas was the first thing she'd recognised in what felt a lifetime. She knew without a doubt that she'd travelled in this convertible many times before.

Angel threw the luggage in the boot, slammed the lid and dropped in the seat beside her.

" Nice car" Buffy sighed softly, running her hand admiringly over the dashboard. Even the feel of it beneath her fingertips felt familiar.

At her comment, Angel couldn't resist the chuckle he gave back.

" You always thought so. And before you ask Buffy, the answer's no, I'm still not letting you drive it"

Buffy looked up and for the first time since arriving in Sunnydale she smiled

"I think that's a very wise idea, I don't seem to remember learning how to drive" She teased this time and her eyes twinkled with a hint of mischief.

As her warm smile tore into his heart, Angel joined in with the joke and did a little teasing of his own.

"The way you used to drive, I think that can be called that a plus"

Buffy tried to smile but failed miserably to make it look convincing.. There was nothing good about losing everything you had ever learned. There were no pluses as far as she could see.

Knowing he was fighting an uphill battle, Angel started the car and moved out of the car park.

" I know this is hard but it will get better. You just have to keep believing that" He offered reassuringly.

Buffy lifted her face at the concern she had heard in his voice and although she couldn't find it in her heart to believe him, she was more than grateful that he tried.

As Angel paid the parking fee and joined the line of traffic leaving the airport, she turned away and looked out of the side window, hoping to catch a glimmer of something, anything that would tell her she was really home.

After they had been driving for a few minutes, Angel glanced over to see his wife deeply engrossed in the passing scenery. Her delicate features looked strained as she tried to place the assortment of buildings flashing passed without any success. He could feel the growing disappointment radiating from her small body as yet another row of houses passed by with no recognition. No matter how helpless Angel felt, he knew this was something Buffy could only do by herself.

"I feel as if I'm looking out from behind a dream, one of those deja vu ones where you know you've seen it all before and yet.."

Buffy sighed again with frustration. This time they were passing the university she had once attended, before her mother's death had brought an end to her education. On Angel's mention that she had once attended classes there, Buffy sank deeper into her depression, she couldn't remember a single day she'd ever spent there.

"Maybe you're trying too hard" Angel offered again.

Buffy shook her head and watched the campus flash past the widow as he drove a little faster.

"It's in there, I can feel it. It feels as if I'm returning to a place I once visited as a child. It's vaguely familiar but nothing really jumps out at me. Sunnydale is a lot smaller than I imagined" Her small voice trembled and the sound of tears was plainly heard by both of them.

Without taking his eyes off the road, Angel reached over and softly squeezed her hand.

"It will all sort itself out in the end" He hated the thought of her crying. Buffy was so strong and this new weakness was something he hadn't expected.

At the touch of his warm fingers, Buffy shivered. She suddenly found herself holding her breath as he unconsciously caressed her hand.

After a few seconds, and after realising what he was doing, Angel stopped and placed his hand back on the steering wheel, much to Buffy's disappointment.

"I'll drive the long way round, that will give you a clearer picture of Sunnydale" Angel mumbled and cursed himself for touching her hand. Now all he could think about was how much he wanted to hold her, comfort her, wipe away her tears and it was all a waste of energy. At the end of the day all he wanted was answers and when he had them, the bitch could cry a river for all he cared.

Keep saying it and you might believe it one of these days Even his own thoughts knew he was lying.

One by one places of importance went by unobserved.

As they drove past Restfield cemetery, Angel resisted telling Buffy that her mother was buried there. He knew that little snippet of information would be too hard on the first day, some things really could wait.

"It feels as if I've not been here for years.. Liam, just how long was I away?" The question was innocent. Buffy had no idea how much the answer would shock her.

For a second, Angel was caught completely off guard.

He didn't answer at once. Speeding up to pass a couple of slower moving cars in the outside lane, he looked deep in thought as if trying to decide whether to reply or not.

"A little over three months" He finally gave in and answered.

Keeping his eyes firmly on the road ahead, Angel spoke quietly, as if it hurt just saying the words out aloud.

"Three months?" Buffy was stunned, she had expected to hear a few days, a week at most.

"What was I doing that kept me away for so long?"

Angel slowed the car as the traffic lights ahead turned red. His long fingers gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"You said you needed some time on your own. You had a lot of stuff going on in your life with the gallery and such..." The well practised lie slipped easily over his tongue.

Once again, he found himself lying rather than coming out and saying just what needed to be said. Angel bit back the sigh that rose in his throat. Buffy was going to find out sooner or later but until then...

With his reply Buffy remained silent. Trying desperately to add two and two together without coming up with six. There was something really wrong with this whole picture. People didn't just take off for three months at a time, not normal people with normal lives…

Did they?

After letting a dozen different scenarios play havoc with her imagination, she asked the question that was bothering her most.

" Liam?"

"Yes" he replied tightly not taking his eyes off the car in front.

"Did we fight..?"

"Sorry?"

At his cold glare Buffy tried a different approach.

"Did we argue?"

" That's a strange question" Angel didn't like the way this was heading, or what she seemed to be insinuating.

"You said I needed space, I was just wondering if we quarrelled.." Buffy looked up and her eyes reflected all the turmoil she felt.

Taking a deep breath Angel knew this question could only be answered with the truth.

"No, we never fought. In fact we never argued Buffy, not once"

It was true and that's what hurt him the most. They had always had the most perfect marriage… or so he had always believed

What a fucking joke that turned out to be

With the traffic light switching to green Angel pulled away. Trying to get his mind off Buffy's earlier question, he changed the subject by describing different places of interest in a hope they might set off a trigger in her memory. But, sadly, each location continued to draw a blank expression.

Passing the high school, Buffy gasped at the black, burntout shell.

"What on earth happened there?" Her voice trembled; just the thought of fire now terrified her.

"Graduation day. 1999 I think. You told me there was a fire during the speeches, the principal and a few of the students were killed. They have only just started to rebuild"

At the confirmation of the fire Buffy felt a cold shiver cover her body and sat further into the seat. She remained silent then until Angel pointed out the next landmark.

"That's the Bronze" He glanced at her as the traffic slowed. " Recognise it?"

Looking out at the small club, Buffy's eyes lit up.

"I think so" At last a building really did look familiar. "I have a feeling I spent most of my teenage years behind those doors," She added getting more and more excited.

"You did" A small smile lifted the corners of Angel's mouth at his success. But even though he smiled, he knew the real test was fast approaching.

Turning the corner of Ravello Drive, Angel stopped the car outside number 1630 and waited.

"Oh God, I know this house....." Buffy's grinned with deep relief. She didn't know why she knew it but the picture was imprinted in her heart.

"I've seen this house before..."

"Of course you have Buffy, about a million times. It's your home"

Angel jumped out of the car. Walking to the other side, he opened the passenger's door and held out his hand.

He smiled, but for reasons of his own it failed to penetrate his dark brown eyes.

"Welcome home, Buffy."

The coolness that returned to his deep, rich voice sent a shiver of uncertainty screaming through her body.

Home?

As she took the first step, Buffy was overwhelmed with a terrible urge to turn and run...

But where on earth could she go?

Part 7

"So, how long have we lived here?" Buffy asked looking at the tastefully furnished sitting room.

" You've lived here all your life, Buffy," Angel replied placing their luggage down on the floor. It felt good to be home and yet, just seeing Buffy standing there after so many months, brought back more memories that he could bear to remember. Buffy didn't know how lucky she was with her amnesia; the way he felt Angel would have chanced places with her in a heartbeat.

"You were born here, I moved in with you and Dawn after we were married" He turned his attention back on the present and tried desperately to ignore the pain of the past.

I carried you over that threshold. We made love on that carpet... You broke my heart in the kitchen For Angel, turning off the past wasn't so easy.

Walking slowly around the room Buffy silently studied the furnishings, the curtains, the chairs, and the pictures on the wall.

"It's not as familiar inside as it was outside" Her quiet voice finally broke into the stillness of the room.

The disappointment was sickening. Buffy had been sure that, once she walked through the front door, something - anything - would help make things fall into place.

But, no matter how hard she tried; she couldn't remember ever living here, not even before marrying Liam.

Angel was just as disappointed at her failure. He wanted her to remember he wanted this over.... He needed this to be over while he was still strong enough to walk away.

"Come on, let me show you around"

As Buffy hobbled from room to room, the uneasy feelings she had been experiencing started to fade. Although she didn't remember living there, she definitely liked the house. It had an aura of calm about it, a safety she associated with the word home. Casting her mind back to her recent stay in hospital, she remembered her ideal vision of what home should be.

Home was where the heart was, home was warm and safe and it smelt of chocolate cookies and family..

There wasn't much in the way of family here but, to Buffy's jumbled mind, she guessed this was close enough. The chocolate cookies might turn out to be a bit of a problem; Buffy still had no idea if she could even cook.

"I'll show you the bedroom" Angel reached out and took her arm. He immediately withdrew it when he felt her flinch. Determined not to let her see how much that small reaction had hurt him, he continued in a quiet voice

" I think you need to rest after that long flight, it will be a lot more comfortable in your own room" His eyes suppressed the anger he felt as they bored into hers, telling Buffy that his intentions were strictly honourable.

Buffy felt a rush of heat to her face, suddenly feeling both foolish and embarrassed at the same time.

The guy could hardly bear to touch her, let alone want to have sex with her the second they walked through the door.

Sex with Liam

Just the thought of being so intimate with him shook her. Buffy tried to tell herself that it shouldn't, he was, after all her husband, they had been married for over two years and they had obviously made love many times.

As her eyes flicked over his tall strong body, Buffy forced herself to look away. She was horrified with her thoughts. For a fraction of a micro second she actually fantasised about what making love to this gorgeous looking man would feel like.

How his large hands would feel as they softly caressed her skin, how his lips would...

STOP IT! It was insane to think like that. She tried to reason, but what really shocked her was the possibility that she would love every second of it…

Was that a memory returning or simple wishful thinking? Buffy quickly closed the thought down. She noticed that Angel was looking at her with a quizzical expression but nothing on earth would make her divulge that little thought.

"I am tired and my foot hurts a little" Buffy admitted, and on reflection, agreed that she would feel better after a rest.

Leading the way up the stairs, Angel picked up her small bag and showed her to the master bedroom.

"This is your room" he told her placing the bag on the floor next to the door.

"My room…?"

Seeing the questions start to rise again in her large hazel eyes Angel quickly continued, "Under the circumstances I thought I'd move into the guest room, for the time being at least. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in your own home, Buffy"

That makes sense

Buffy accepted the answer and nodded in gratitude.

"Besides, I snore" Angel added as an afterthought.

Buffy's eyes widened.

This time he was teasing and they both knew it.

"I have a strange feeling you don't" Buffy found herself laughing at the change of mood.

Angel went to step back but changed his mind. Almost hesitantly he raised a hand and reached out. Gently, he stroked a stray lock of blonde hair that had escaped the pins Buffy had used that morning to style it.

"You changed your hair, looks nice" He whispered and leaned forward.

Buffy didn't move, she watched in awe as his fingers slipped slowly down her hair and then moved to her cheek. Gently running his thumb across what remained of her stitches, he sighed deeply.

"You're still the most beautiful woman I've ever met" Angel's voice was deep with sincerity.

Buffy looked up into his face and couldn't miss the faint blur of tears that shimmered in his eyes. At the intensity shining there, she shivered.

Misreading her reaction Angel dropped his hand and looked down. When he looked back his feelings were carefully masked again. More determined than ever to resist the temptation he felt pulling his heart apart. He took a deep breath but it did nothing to dispel the tension that was knotting his stomach.

Remaining as neutral as possible, Angel replied with a clear conscience.

"There's nothing to be afraid of here, Buffy. You're perfectly safe. I would never hurt you."

Her reply was instantaneous.

"I know"

Considering she couldn't remember spending a single second of her life with him, the answer sounded strange, but in her heart Buffy knew it was the only reply she could give.

Liam was sometimes cold and uncaring but she felt deep inside that he hid a gentle soul.

Opening the bedroom door Angel stood back and waited for her to pass inside.

"If you need me for anything, just shout. My room's just down the hall" Unconsciously, his tone softened.

He then shoved his hands deep into his trouser pockets and turned away.

"Thank you," Buffy whispered as she watched him leave. When he was completely out of sight, her small hand rose to her cheek and rested lightly over his touch. She could still feel the imprint of his warm fingers burn against her bruised skin.

Buffy tried to understand her feelings for this man. He frightened her and yet excited her at the same time. He really was a mystery and she couldn't read him at all.

She could feel the tension between them, it was almost tangible but only he knew the reasons why. Love or hate, one thing was for sure…. What ever the future held for them it certainly wouldn't be boring.

Angel walked slowly down the stairs and headed straight for the small room he had converted into a study the year before. Closing the door behind him, he made his way across to the small desk in the corner and pulling out a large leather chair, he proceeded to sink exhaustedly into it's softness.

Yanking open the top drawer of his desk, he removed the small bottle of Scotch he found inside and ripped off the lid. Angel didn't even bother hunting for a glass. Talking a deep swig he felt the cool liquor burn as it swirled over his tongue and slipped easily down the back of his throat. It quickly coursed through his veins, reminding him that he really was still alive, even if at times he wasn't too certain.

That's what women do to you. They suck the life out of you and leave you dry He wasn't sure if it was bitterness or self-pity talking but whichever it was, he agreed whole heartily with the tiny voice in his head.

The whole trip had been a disaster.

Angel had convinced himself that the moment Buffy walked through the front door, the floodgates would open and the past would tumble around her like toy building blocks. But as he stared into her frightened, bewildered eyes, he knew she still didn't have a clue of what happened between them. Talking a second long swig from his bottle, Angel reached deeper into his desk drawer and drew out a small yellow envelope. Shaking it slightly, a single sheet of paper fell out and with it, a small golden ring. He didn't need to open the letter to know what it said. Every word had been carved on his heart.

It's over. Don't even think of looking for me because I'm never coming back. I never want to see you again, not as long as I live. I'll never forgive you for this... Buffy

Raking his fingers through his dark brown hair, Angel sighed in utter frustration. He picked up the small wedding ring and clasped it so tightly in his hand it almost drew blood.

"Forgive me for what, Dammit? All I ever did was love you, Buffy.."

Dropping his head down on to the desk, Angel held his wife's abandoned wedding ring firmly in his hand and sobbed.

Part 8

Buffy woke to a room flooded with warm golden sunlight. Utterly exhausted, she had forgotten to draw the curtains the night before so now the early morning light bathed the whole room with a soft warm glow.

Momentarily disorientated with her new surroundings, she pulled herself up in the large double bed and took a deep breath of morning air. Slowly, images of the past few days trickled into her head. The hospital, the accident and then the tiring journey home.

Home That's what Liam, her *husband* had told her the night before. She was home and safe and... Buffy took a second deep breath to calm the rise of panic that had started to surge inside the walls of her chest. She might have returned *home* but she was still totally lost, confused and bewildered.

Running her hands through her loose, blonde hair, she looked around the pretty peach bedroom hoping that something would shout out from its hiding place and welcome her back.. When nothing did, a third calming breath was needed to squash the growing fear.

Just as she lost hope of ever finding anything familiar, the faint fragrance of roses drifted in through the window and Buffy knew without even looking, that the roses growing outside in the gardens below would be yellow. She liked yellow roses, she didn't remember why, but it was there in her memory, one of the few details about her past life that she could still cling too. There seemed so few of those memories left, but to Buffy, every one of them, no matter how small or insignificant were unbelievably precious.

These tiny scraps from her past were all that were keeping her sane.

Her sister's name, her mother's face, the outside view of her house and... Angel Buffy sighed, she'd recognised the face and somehow she remembered that part of his name. Now if only I could remember the real person, the man behind the angry mask

"Easier said than done" Buffy spoke her thoughts aloud, safe in the knowledge that nobody else could hear her.

Turning her head towards the window, she caught sight of the small clock on the bedside cabinet. At 9.45.am, it wasn't as early as she'd first thought. After putting off the inevitable for as long as possible, Buffy knew she had to get dressed and go and greet the new day. But it wasn't the thought of the new day that bothered her, more the thought of spending that day with Liam. Their first day together completely alone…

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Buffy stopped for a moment and studied how thin they looked. Whilst in hospital, there was too much on her mind to really pay attention to her body, even though the subject of her weight loss had risen on more than one occasion. But now there was no hiding from the truth. Standing gingerly on her still painful leg, she moved slowly across the room and stood before the full-length mirror on the front of her wardrobe door. Raising her eyes she took notice of her frail appearance for the first time.

At the reflection staring back, Buffy shuddered. She could see her body properly now and it scared her to death. She wasn't just slim, she was skinny, almost a bag of bones.

"No wonder Liam couldn't bare to touch me" Buffy sighed softly as she ran her hand lightly across her small chest and prodded her protruding ribs with her fingertips.

She wasn't sure why, but the thought bothered her. It didn't matter how hard she tried not to, Buffy found herself thinking about Liam more and more. There was just something about him that terrified and excited her at the same time.

Her dreams were filled with jumbled visions but one thing stood out from the chaos more than anything else ... his eyes. Not seething with anger or cool with indifference. The deep brown pools filling her dreams that night had burned with real passion.

Passion?

As she struggled to remember the dream, Buffy couldn't be certain if it was just her imagination playing games with her, or something a lot deeper.

Was the lost part of her memory finally rising to the surface? Could it break through and return while she slept? Doctor Walsh had thought so and the possibility that he was right brought a new wave of joy to her heart.

But the joy was momentarily put to one side as her thoughts returned to deep brown, enigmatic orbs.

Raising her hand to the cheek that Liam had caressed the night before, Buffy sighed softly. Just the thought of his fingers caressing her cheek brought a healthy pink flush to her face. No matter how much she wanted to deny it, there was definitely a spark between the two of them, something resembling an electrical current passed through her body whenever he touched her skin. If she really did have to wake up in a void world, with a stranger for a husband, Liam Angelus wasn't such a bad catch. In a drop dead, gorgeous way

"Now, if only I could remember him, " Buffy told her reflection with a soft smile. "And remember why those beautiful eyes always look so cold" she added as an afterthought.

You were away for over three months As his words returned and lingered inside her head, Buffy found herself once again questioning the reason for her absence. She was still not happy with Liam's reply and made a mental note to ask him about it later, once she got dressed that was.

Dressed Buffy blushed again as she glanced at her near naked form.

Too tired the night before to worry about anything but sleep, she had kicked off her shoes, dropped her jeans and shirt casually over a chair and crawled into bed wearing just her underwear. Now, standing in front of the mirror almost naked, she decided that getting showered and finding some clean clothes were definitely the first priorities of the day. On that thought, Buffy opened the closet door and after viewing its contents for a few seconds, she stood back in horror.

This time she was more than a little confused

"So were the hell are my clothes?" She mumbled, as her hands reached up and flicked through the endless rows of naked hangers.

Moving to the drawers on her left, she found the same thing. Buffy struggled to understand. This was supposedly her home, her bedroom and yet there was nothing here that proved she'd ever spent a single day in this room. The dressing table was also completely bare. No photos, no toiletries, nor make up, not even a hairbrush.

Noticing the small bag that Liam had brought back from the hospital, Buffy unzipped it and withdrew a fresh set of underwear. She eyed her jeans and shirt still lying on the chair in the corner and, although they had been worn to travel home in the day before, Buffy was grateful that at least she wouldn't have to walk around the house almost naked. Collecting the garments in her arms, she walked across the room and stood at the bedroom door. Reaching out, she placed her hand on the handle only to hesitate again before pulling it open.

"Now, if only I remembered where the hell the shower was?" she grumbled in frustration before finally walking out.

Meanwhile

Angel was sitting at the kitchen table holding a cup of strong black coffee in one hand and flicking through the newspaper with the other. Although he looked deeply engrossed in the sports pages, he wasn't concentrating on any article in particular, especially after spending the whole night lying awake. After finishing the bottle of scotch in his study, Angel had pulled his weary body up the stairs to their small guest bedroom and collapsed in a heap on the tiny single bed.

The alcohol flowing through his blood stream did little to help his mood, if anything; it left him feeling even more frustrated. As the endless dark hours slipped silently by, all Angel could do was stare up at the ceiling and wonder for the millionth time how their once perfect marriage had disintegrated all around them, without him noticing a single crack in the paintwork.

Sleep was impossible.

No matter how hard Angel tried, his imagination refused to allow him one moment of peace as it ran riot with images of Buffy.

Wife?

Friend?

Lover?

Bitch? It simply hurt too much to decide.

The woman who had stolen his heart with a single glance and had broken it just as quickly, lay sleeping just a few feet along the corridor. Twice that night, Angel had forced himself away from her bedroom door only to return to his cold empty bed, feeling utterly disgusted with his weakness. Although he knew it was wrong, he couldn't help himself. With Buffy being home again and sleeping in a room so close by, his body burned for her, a low ache in his stomach twisted so tight he wanted to scream.

But She doesn't want you

She left you

The bitch even had the audacity to blame you

Angel pulled the pillow over his head to cut out the annoying voices in his mind, but they simply wouldn't quit. All night long, with a little help from the alcohol in his system, he tortured himself in a desperate need to control his emotions. He tried everything to remind himself he no longer cared. But his heart knew it was a lie and the torture continued.

You want her

You need her

You love her.

Angel jerked upright in bed, his face strained and tiny beads of sweat peppering his brow.

It didn't matter if she hated him; nothing mattered at 2.am but the pain in his chest and the ache in his groin.

Climbing out of bed for a third time, the tormented man threw open the small closet door and without even looking, he reached inside and removed a pale yellow bathrobe from its hiding place. Holding it close to his face he breathed deeply and the faint smell of Buffy flooded his senses and melted down the steel wall surrounding his heart. Falling back on his bed, Angel held Buffy's old robe against his cheek and tried desperately to shut out the pain he was feeling. He knew it was insanity to lower his defences but, after months of being alone, he needed to forget the emptiness that threatened to suffocate him and just this one night let his heart drown in the smell of her scent.

You really are a big, stupid, dumb ass

Liam, be careful, please, please be careful this time

Don't worry, sis. She won't break my heart a second time

His sister's voice of warning was clear in his mind, but it didn't help.

Angel wanted to be strong, he longed to cut Buffy Angelus out of his heart once and for all, but in the early hours of that morning, he discovered he couldn't lie to himself any more. He loved her, he always had and, sadly, he always would…

Tomorrow his strength would return, with the sunlight he would remember the anger, the disappointment and the hatred.. But not tonight, tonight he just wanted to hold part of her.

Sleep never came, but as Angel lay in the darkness with the scent of his lost love by his side, he found the spark of comfort he needed to get through the rest of the night...

It was probably a mistake but for a few hours it was enough.

"Hey!" Buffy's small voice broke into his thoughts and snapped his attention right back to the present. Without looking up, Angel folded the newspaper and placed it on the table. When he did raise his eyes his breath caught deep in his throat at the sight before him.

"Did you... Did you sleep well?" Angel asked, needing to do something, anything to stop losing himself in her eyes. Standing up, he pulled out the nearest chair and indicated for her to sit down.

"Yes, thanks. I didn't think I would, but I must have been exhausted because I slept like the dead last night." Buffy accepted the offer of the chair and when she looked up, she couldn't fail to notice the dark rings that circled his eyes. She surmised that Liam hadn't been as fortunate with sleep as she had.

Even with his head down, Angel could feel her warm gaze wash over his face. He had showered and shaved that morning but he knew after drinking a bottle of scotch and failing to sleep, he wasn't looking his best His wife on the other hand looked amazing.

"I see you found the shower" He reluctantly turned his head and met her gaze

Buffy nodded her head.

Her long blonde hair was still wet and Angel watched in awe as tiny droplets of water sparkled like silver as they dripped unnoticed onto her skin.

After everything that had happened, she still took his breath away.

Buffy was completely unaware how beautiful she looked, sitting there with the morning sunlight caressing her skin. But Angel noticed, he noticed everything. He observed the way the golden light danced gently across her large hazel eyes, the way her breasts swelled against the thin material of her shirt .....

The way she shuddered when you touched her That thought hurt more than he wanted to admit and the flicker of despair he felt lingered.

"Liam, I was..." Buffy started to question her lack of clothing but was cut off before she could reach the end of her sentence.

"What would you like for breakfast. I could fix you some cereal or maybe something hot. I do a mean scrambled eggs," Angel asked, dragging his hungry eyes away from her body. She was thinner now but there was still enough of her curves to set his blood on fire.

Buffy was about to refuse, seeing that her appetite had disappeared along with the rest of her past, but as she opened her mouth to speak, she remembered how thin she'd looked in the bedroom mirror and knew that her body couldn't afford to lose any more weight. It didn't matter that she wasn't hungry, from now on she would force herself.

"Thanks, eggs would be great" she accepted gratefully then as an afterthought added "But shouldn't I be doing the cooking?"

Angel blinked at the unexpected question

"We don't have that sort of marriage, Buffy. We both work, so we both share the cooking.. Besides, until you remember where everything is kept, it will be quicker if I do it" He walked to the refrigerator and removed a large carton of eggs. Moving easily around the large kitchen, Angel then set about preparing the meal.

As Buffy watched helplessly from her seat at the table, her frustration continued to grow. He was right, she didn't have a clue where anything belonged. This was her kitchen, her home and yet she felt like an intruder.

She had no memory, no past and now no belongings.

Buffy knew she didn't belong here anymore, but until she found out who she really was, she didn't belong anywhere else...

Part 9

They sat in silence for a while. Both slightly uneasy at the difficult situation they found themselves in.

Although Buffy had stated she wasn't that hungry, Angel watched in amusement as she demolished a whole plate of bacon, scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes and three pieces of buttered toast. He remained silent but secretly he was pleased to see her tucking into her food so enthusiastically.

He recalled how his heart sank when he first discovered her in that hospital bed. It wasn't just her injuries from the accident that had caused him to shiver, Buffy's whole body cried out that the last three months had been as hard on her as they had been on him. Wherever Buffy had run to, it hadn't treated her well.

"That was delicious, where did you learn to cook like that?" Buffy asked the question in a soft, easy voice, trying to keep the mood as light as possible.

"My sister Cordelia taught me. We both moved to LA at the same time and shared an apartment for a while" At the thought of his sister's cooking abilities, Angel smiled and his features relaxed.

"Your sister? Where is she now? Does she live here with us?" Buffy asked hesitantly, not sure if she was ready to deal with another new face.

"No, Cordy's in Hollywood. She's an actress at the moment, trying to make a name for herself." Angel paused for a second noticing Buffy's concern. She didn't need to speak, by now he could almost read her mind.

" You don't remember her either?" He frowned with disappointment already guessing the answer.

Buffy shook her head.

"Sorry" She looked back at him " Were we close friends?"

At her question Angel laughed out loud.

"Hardly, I think you two hated each other on sight. She didn't think you were good enough for her big brother, and you, well you thought she was a stuck up bitch with a bug up her ass the size of an emu." Angel chuckled lightly remembering the heated arguments between the two women he loved. His wife and sister could cat fight like no other females he'd ever known.

Buffy was momentarily speechless; his explanation wasn't anything she'd expected to hear. At her shocked expression Angel smiled.

"You soon proved my little sister wrong"

He turned towards the sink and when he looked back Buffy was standing next to him holding her empty plate.

"How did I prove her wrong?" She asked curiously, eager to lean anything about her past that could possibly fill in the blank pages of her memory.

Angel went quiet for a moment, as if struggling with truth. When he did finally answer Buffy couldn't fail to notice the flicker of regret in his dark brown eyes.

"You made me happy, Buffy. Happier than I'd ever been in my whole life. Even Cordelia couldn't argue with what was plainly staring her in the face. You never really became good friends, but I think after a while you came to a understanding." Angel explained quietly, and then silently added Until you walked out on me and broke my heart. Now she wants your blood with a vengeance He kept that information to himself. Cordelia wouldn't be visiting any time soon and Buffy didn't need to know how much his sister now hated her.

You made me happy, Buffy. Happier than I'd ever been before

For a few moments his words hung in the air.

When they both finally found the courage to look up, their eyes locked and after a heartbeat, Buffy took a small step forward, closing the distance that separated them.

"I wish I could remember. I want to remember" She sighed wishfully, her eyes never once leaving his face. By now their bodies were so close that Angel could feel the heat radiating from skin.

"I wish you could too" His dark gaze bore directly into Buffy’s eyes.

Angel's soft words were so low that Buffy had to strain to hear them. As she felt her chest tighten, she realised she was still holding her breath. Her cheeks flushed scarlet but she refused to look away. After a moment's hesitation, Angel did.

"Here give me that, I'll put it in the dishwasher" He took the plate from her hand and resisted the temptation to touch her fingers. Angel knew if he touched her today, after fighting all night to keep away from her door, he'd be lost forever. He had to try harder, he had to fight the need that tore at his chest like an open wound and forget how soft her body felt in his arms. He needed to find the closure he'd searched so hard for, and then once he had it, he'd put this woman behind him once and for all.

Buffy turned to walk away but as she took her first step she stopped.

"What happened to my clothes? I mean all the hangers in my room are empty" She asked, trying not to react to his nearness.

Keeping his back to her, Angel bit into his lip.

"I already told you, you took them all with you" His voice remained calm but his heartbeat increased and pounded loudly in his ears.

Buffy didn't speak for a moment as she carefully digested the answer.

"I took *everything* I ever owned on a trip?" She finally asked in disbelief.

"You threw out a lot before you left. You said you wanted to change your image. Looks like you got your wish" Slipping the dish he was still holding into the dishwasher, Angel lied well. He didn't want to tell his wife that he'd destroyed nearly all her belongings in a drunken rage about a month after she'd walked out on him. It was easier to let her believe she took them all with her.

After all, like her letter had painfully reminded him. It wasn't like she ever planned to come back for them

"So all I have left now are the clothes I'm standing in?" Buffy frowned at the realisation. It came as another painful blow. Something else to add to the long list of what she had lost.

Memories, feelings, and now even her belongings had all disappeared into a black vortex. How could she ever remember her past when there was nothing left of that past for her to cling too

Reaching into his back pocket Angel withdrew his wallet, he flicked it open and while he was searching for a credit card a small photograph fell on to the kitchen table. Angel immediately reached for it but Buffy got there first. Turning it over in her fingers her eyes settled on the happy smiling faces staring back at her.

Wow!.. It's us Her eyes widened in surprise.

The two people looked so happy that the emotion leapt out from the picture and reached deep into her heart. Somewhere, somehow they had thrown away something so special it frightened her.

Angel waited a few seconds before reaching for the picture.

"A few clothes are the least of your problems, Buffy. Here, take this and charge anything you need" He offered his small credit card and when Buffy looked up she couldn't read anything in his dark eyes. If she could, she would have seen both guilt and embarrassment that he had acted so childishly in a moment of weakness. But Angel hid his feelings well.

Besides, all I destroyed were a few stupid possessions, you destroyed my life. He bitterly reminded himself as he retrieved his picture.

Buffy's heart was racing but she released the photograph without uttering a word.

Without looking at her, Angel continued, his voice once again cold and uncaring

"Shopping was always one of your favourite pastimes, I'm sure you haven't forgotten how you love to spend my money" He smirked as he replaced his wallet.

Buffy felt as if she'd been slapped.

The thoughtless remark was one reminder too many of everything she had forgotten. Looking at the credit card on the table she finally started to crumble.

Here, take this and charge anything you need.. I'm sure you haven't forgotten how you love to spend my money

" You make it all sound so easy, but its not" She whispered trying desperately to hold herself together. Hot salty tears burned the back of her throat and quickly rose to brim in her eyes.

"Just give them the card, Buffy, the shop assistants will do the rest" Angel repeated wearily not yet noticing how badly she was reacting to such a simple statement.

"I can't.. Dammit, I can't walk very well and I can't remember where the shops are.. I can't remember my size and I... Hell, I can't remember what day it is.... " Buffy stood still and the tears she had held inside her, ever since the accident, burst their banks and streamed down her face as she finally broke down and cried.

Within a heartbeat, Angel was wrapping her up in his arms and soothing her pain with gentle words of comfort.

"I need to remember..." The desperate plea was heartbreaking in its simplicity.

"And you will" Angel reminded her softly as he continued to stroke her damp hair. He knew he was playing with fire, she was too close and she felt so right back in his arms. But it didn't matter, he hated seeing his wife this vulnerable. As Buffy's small body shook with her pain, Angel ignored the consequences and held her tighter.

"Just give it time" He offered softly, his voice conveying his own feelings of helplessness

Give it time. Don't rush things. It will all come back when it's ready. As Buffy stood in the cradle of his strong arms, his earlier words of reassurance returned in a rush. Buffy struggled against the rising depression inside her head but she was slowly suffocating. Words simply didn't help. She needed more than reassuring words she needed answers.

It was hopeless. Lost so far in the darkness, Buffy felt, as if she was slowly going out of her mind, she simply couldn't take it one second longer. That was the moment her patience finally snapped.

"I'm sick of giving it time. Can't you see how lost I am here? I'm hurt, I'm lonely, I'm afraid... Dammit, Angel I want my life back and I want it back now..."

At her unexpected outburst, Angel pulled away and stared at her face in shock. Buffy had used his pet name for the first time. Just hearing her say the word affected him more then he thought possible. No matter how much of her life she had lost, he knew then that somewhere in that void of her memory, part of him was still in her heart.

Angel I want my life back Her desperate plea broke his heart.

"I'd give it to you if I could, Buffy" He answered truthfully. Raising his hand Angel tried to sweep the teardrops from her cheek. His fingertips tingled as they slid across the velvet softness of her skin. He couldn't resist letting them follow the contours of her cheekbone even though he knew it was a dangerous indulgence.

I'd give it to you if I could, Buffy At that moment she honestly believed him.

"I know" Buffy whispered back suddenly realising how close their bodies had become. Looking into his face she noticed that his normally harsh features suddenly seemed incredibly kind. She felt hot tears burn the back of her throat again and cursed her weakness. Buffy didn't want him to see her cry anymore but it was too late... Far too late.

Everything around them seemed to go still.

"I want to remember my childhood, my mother putting me to bed at night. I want to remember going to school, making friends, falling in love...." Her voice cracked, a sob catching in her throat

"I want to remember you, Angel and I desperately need to remember that girl in the photograph" Buffy sniffed quietly

Angel's expression softened as his hand slipped from her face and moved to circle her tiny waist. She looked so young and lovely that he would have needed a heart of stone to remain immune for a second longer.

Warning bells went off in his head, but he ignored them and felt the barriers he'd so carefully erected around his bruised heart, over the last three months, start to erode and crumble. Everything inside his head screamed that this was wrong but the lonely beat of his heart drowned their protest.

"Maybe this will help you remember" Angel gave up the battle he'd fought so hard, to hate her, and swept Buffy up against his hard chest. Lowering his mouth he captured her lips and softly kissed her.

The kiss was warm, intimate and yet surprisingly gentle as his mouth caressed her lips. Buffy involuntary sighed and Angel's tongue slipped softly into the wet interior of her mouth. As the kiss deepened, Buffy closed her eyes and moaned.

How could I have ever forgotten something as wonderful as kissing? No, as wonderful as kissing Liam? Buffy's heart called for to her subconscious to remember. As his tongue reacquainted itself with her mouth Angel pulled her closer into his arms.

Buffy didn't know what she was feeling, returning memory or just amazing chemistry, but his hard muscular body felt so right pressing into her soft flesh that she didn't argue as she melted into his arms.

As the hunger inside her grew, her small arms automatically wrapped themselves around his neck and her whole body ached to push closer.

Oh, God, why can't I remember you?

With that thought, Buffy felt a warm rush of arousal and cursed bitterly that her body and heart seemed to remember what her mind still refused to acknowledge. It didn't matter what her head told her, her body and her heart both knew him, and they knew him well.

Before she could gather her senses, the situation changed drastically and Buffy felt her back lowered down to the hard kitchen table. The coffee cups scattered noisily across the floor as Angel's large body covered hers. As she kissed him back, he murmured in pleasure and pressed her harder into the cool wooden tabletop.

"Buffy" Angel softly moaned her name as his lips pulled away from her mouth and moved to the soft flesh of her neck. It was only when his large hand slipped smoothly beneath her shirt that the spell was broken. Buffy came back to earth with a jolt. This was wrong. No matter how wonderful it felt, it was far too soon. There was no way she could make love to a man she didn't remember, a man she didn't even know if she liked.

But your body knows him, your blood's screaming for him to touch you Her heart tried to reason but common sense prevailed.

"No. Liam not like this" Buffy struggled and pushed at his chest with her small hands

Feeling her sudden resistance, Angel immediately backed off. His hands were shaking and his heart raced as he realised just how close he had been to letting Buffy into his heart again. At the fear he saw in her eyes he quickly moved away.

"Did I hurt you?" Angel voice was hoarse and tight with disappointment. He knew she was still covered in bruises and he cursed himself for not remembering how fragile she still was.

"No" The tiny word was barely a whisper. Buffy looked up and her eyes reflected the turmoil she felt.

Angel shuddered, a cold shiver passing over his heart. He took a deep breath but it did nothing to ease the raging tension that was knotting his insides.

You damn fool, she still doesn't want you Angel suddenly felt sick at the mistake he'd just made.

"I'm sorry. I'm... Buffy, believe me, this won't happen again " Turning, he quickly left the room leaving Buffy to deal with what had just happened between them.

When Buffy finally pulled herself together and readjusted her clothes, she found him in the sitting room; hands thrust deep into his pockets, staring out of the window. His back was to her and her mind flashed back to the first vision she had of him, days earlier, standing in her hospital room. His broad shoulders hunched slightly then, only this time his shirt was white, not black.

"I'm not sure what just happened?" Buffy whispered, her cheeks still flushed with embarrassment.

Buffy felt herself start shaking but knew she had to continue.

" It was my fault, it won't happen again" Angel spoke quietly without looking round, His voice was cold now and etched in pain.

Buffy gazed at his back, weighing her next words carefully.

"Liam, I understand what you were trying to do and in a way it worked. I still haven't remembered anything more but I can feel things now that I didn't feel before. I can feel you..."

"Don't..." Angel slowly turned around, pain slashed across his face.

He couldn't bear to hear where this was leading. The kiss had left him confused and shaken and he really needed to get as far away from Buffy as he possibly could. But just the sight of her pleading eyes kept him from fleeing.

"Please, I know how hard this must be for you but I need you to understand. This is driving me crazy." Buffy implored him with both her words and her eyes.

Angel nodded, acknowledging her words and the despair behind them.

"Okay, Buffy. I'm not sure if this will help but I'll give you the answers you need" He sighed sadly and walked away from the window.

Maybe it was time she found out just who she really was.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Angel asked as they settled down in the sitting room.

Buffy nodded her face full of determination.

"I'm more than sure. I need to find out how much of me is still inside here, if anything at all," she said raising her hand and tapping the side of head. The panic was gone from her voice. Sadness and confusion now replaced it.

Angel lifted the small remote control and aiming it at the TV set in the corner of the room, he pressed the play button. In a flash the television screen was filled with happy voices and smiling faces.

It was a bright sunny day and the small group of people that filled the screen was all dressed up for a wedding. Buffy edged to the front of her seat as her eyes widened in amazement.

" This is our wedding day?" It was a question not a statement. As beautiful as the day looked she had no memory of ever attending the wedding. Angel sat back in his seat and kept his voice as expressionless as possible. Even though he was dying for her to remember, he knew that if this were going to work, the memories would have to be triggered by Buffy's own mind.

"Yeah, I thought a video would be better than a few photos in an album.. Besides, everyone you care about was there that day, it might help"

Buffy hovered on the edge of her seat, unable to control her excitement, as an array of happy young faces laughed from the TV screen. One by one, friends and family fidgeted nervously at the camera and stuttered their best wishes for the bride and groom.

Faces that were now vaguely familiar caused little sparks to flash in the dark void of her memory.

"No, stop filming me Xander, turn the camera on Buffy" a female voice ordered and the camera immediately changed direction.

Before Buffy got a chance to ask who the voice belonged to, the image of her younger self entered the picture. Buffy's mouth dropped open, the girl wearing her face in the video looked simply radiant as she floated across the room looking like something out of a fairytale. The elegant gown gently hugged every curve of her perfect body before pooling out around her feet. Watching how her full breasts pushed up against the soft lace Buffy realised with a strange pang, that she certainly hadn't always looked like a bag of bones.

"Buffy, this way, smile" The cameraman laughed, obviously a friend.

If Buffy thought that image shocked her, the next left her stunned. Liam, dressed in a black tuxedo, appeared by her side. His long arms snaked around her waist and lovingly pressed soft kisses to her neck. Buffy felt her breath leave her body. He couldn't keep his hands off her. As the camera moved in closer it captured his eyes perfectly, and the love they reflected made her shiver.

"You were so beautiful that day. When you walked into that church you took everyone's breath away" Angel's voice trailed off in remembrance.

But none more than mine He added silently

Buffy smiled with relief, she couldn't help herself as family and friends danced around the happy couple on the screen.

"Oh, God, look at Dawnie" Heart racing, Buffy gasped as her sister came into view. The beautiful young woman, with long dark hair laughed brightly and she tried to arrange her sister's dress.

Angel didn't speak but silently sighed in relief that at least one face from her past had broken though the mist. Remaining quietly by her side, his eyes took in the rapid play of emotions that crossed her face.

Buffy then watched as she and her new husband took to the floor for the first dance and when Angel kissed her, the question that hadn't been answered for her on the plane trip home was clear for the whole world to see.

And did I love you?

The young woman in the fairytale wedding dress adored him. Buffy's eyes watched in awe as her younger self wrapped her arms around her lover and held him as if she never wanted to let him go. There was no doubt about it. She had been head over heels in love on her wedding day and just one glance at Angel's happy smiling face confirmed he had felt the same.

"Who's that girl?" A face in the video caught her eye.

"Which one?"

"The small blonde one catching my bouquet" Buffy watched as the pretty blonde woman pushed through the small group of females to catch the bouquet of delicate yellow roses.

Angel moved closer and Buffy felt her heart react to his nearness. As his eyes picked out the woman in question a small smile turned the corners of his lips.

"That's your best friend" He chuckled lightly at Buffy's bemused expression.

Buffy shook her head.

"No, I don't think so. Willow's my best friend, there she is, the red head with the long skirt in the background"

Angel turned and caught the gleam in Buffy's eyes as another piece of the jigsaw fell into place.

"You remembered Willow as well?" He asked hopefully.

"I do, but there's more" She bit deep into her lip as she continued to receive the small flash of memory.

" Xander Harris. Willow married Xander and it rained all day.. Right?" Buffy was still a little unsure but even though the memory was vague, it felt right.

Angel sucked in a breath.

"Yes, they married a month before we did. They're both in Africa at the moment, Willow's studying alternative medicine"

Buffy smiled, warm tears gathered in her eyes as she remembered more about her two friends. Xander's goofy smile came to mind along with Willow's compassion.

Turning back to the TV screen she tried to search her mind for answers to her first question.

"So, who's the blonde woman with my flowers?" Her voice grew slightly suspicious.

Angel turned his face back to the video and studied the screen.

"That's Darla, Buffy. Darla Penn. You've been friends with Darla since you were five years old." Angel smiled softly as he remembered Buffy telling him about her childhood, one stormy night just after they had first met.

"You told me she broke your favourite Barbie doll so you punched her across the school yard. After the teachers pulled you apart for fighting, you shook hands and became close friends. "

Buffy didn't speak; her eyes were too busy watching how the blonde woman in the expensive white suit lingered around Liam on the screen.

Best friend my ass

Something didn't feel right. She could now remember Willow, Xander, her mother and Dawnie quite clearly.

But not her husband, who she had obviously loved dearly and, strangely, not this Darla who was supposedly, her best friend.

No matter how hard Buffy searched her memory, the face of this young woman stayed lost deep in the darkest corner of her mind.

Looking back towards the television screen, she continued to watch the rest of the video in silence, but underneath her calm exterior, uneasiness started to grow.

Part 10.

Angel watched as Buffy rewound the video and pressed the play button for the fifth time in succession. As they sat silently on the sofa, so close and yet so far, he didn't once interrupt, understanding her need to continually relive their wedding day. He could see from the tears shimmering in her beautiful eyes that the memories repeating on the screen gave her comfort, some small flicker of light to cling on to in her new dark world.

With every smile, giggle, laugh or sigh one of her friends or family made, Buffy seemed to grow more confident, drawing strength and determination from each memory that battled its way through the amnesia. Every now and again she would gasp out loud as a new piece of the jigsaw puzzle slotted into place.

From the excited expression on her face, Angel could see that his wife now believed there really was a chance that she would one day reclaim her life from the vortex it had fallen into.

And when that day comes, I will finally be able to reclaim mine

Although it had become his dearest wish over the last three months to discover the truth, Angel found the prospect now gave him little joy. He understood only too well that when Buffy did finally remember her past, their life together would change forever.

Meanwhile, as Buffy sat quietly mesmerised by the faces from her past, she had absolutely no idea what those same visions were doing to Angel. If she had, she would have seen that the memories coming from the video tore into him so fiercely that he almost cried out in pain.

It wasn't Buffy's fault. She wasn't to know that seeing her younger self, smiling at him with eyes so full of love, was ripping his heart to shreds. She was blissfully ignorant of the fact that every time their lips met on the screen, the quiet man sitting so patiently by her side, longed desperately to pull her into his arms and kiss her until they were both senseless.

Looking away from the screen, as they became man and wife for the fifth time, Angel knew he had to get away. He had to get out of the house and put as much distance between him and the past as was possible.

"Will you be okay for a few hours? I have a few things I need to do" Angel asked quietly as the picture on the screen changed. Now the bride and groom were kissing again and he knew that if you listened very carefully you could hear the younger Buffy moan passionately as his mouth covered hers.

For his broken heart, it was just one memory too many.

Hearing Angel's soft words, Buffy tore her eyes away from the kiss and stared into his eyes. For a moment the fear she felt at being left on her own reflected in her hazel orbs but she quickly shut it out. She was home, there was nothing here to be frightened of she quickly reassured herself.

"Sure. I'll just watch this video again. " Buffy smiled knowing that her earlier thought had been foolish. Now that her memories had started to return she hoped it wouldn't be much longer before the house she was staying in stopped being just a strange house and became her home again.

And maybe then I'll remember you The little voice in her head added almost wistfully.

"I really should check in at the office and let them know I'm back" Without looking at her Angel stood up and silently crossed the room. Slipping a black leather jacket over his broad shoulders he reached for his car keys and as the video started to rewind for the umpteenth time, he walked out of the room. Although she didn't move from her seat, Buffy stared at the empty doorway for a long time after he was gone. It surprised her how much his absence left her feeling empty. She still might not have clear memories of living with this man, but her feelings towards him were growing stronger by the second. With nothing better to do, Buffy pressed the remote control and started the video one more time.

Angel was gone longer than he expected and it was dark when he finally walked through the front door. As he moved into the hallway, his arms were once again loaded with expensive looking shopping bags, which he dropped happily into the corner before removing his jacket. It was only after he closed and locked the door that the silence greeted him. Angel stood still and fought down the unexpected wave of panic that rose in his throat and burned the back of his mouth. This was how the house had felt for the last three months. Lonely, empty and bare.

And when she leaves you again, It will feel like this forever his heart whispered into the stillness that surrounded him.

Unless you take this second chance

Walking into the kitchen he pulled open the refrigerator door and stood in the shaft of cool light it reflected across the kitchen floor. Removing a carton of juice, Angel poured himself a glass and swallowed the cool liquid quickly.

A second chance

All night long he had considered the possibility. The wedding video had affected him more than he thought possible and although he'd walked for hours trying to get the anger back into his heart. He couldn't. Lying was no longer an option, he couldn't lie, not to Buffy and - more importantly - not to himself.

Whatever had driven her away from him that night, there had to be a way they could make it right.

You don't just wake up one morning and stop loving somebody Angel rationalised with his conscience. Not the way they had loved each other

As soon as Buffy remembered what had caused her to write that letter, he was determined they would work it out. They had to work it out because life without Buffy, as the last three months had shown, was unbearable.

Finishing the juice, Angel walked into the sitting room. He was just about to leave and head for his bed when he came to an abrupt halt. On the far side of the room, Buffy lay curled up on the sofa fast asleep.

Hesitating for a moment in the doorway he stopped and let out a deep sigh of regret.

She looked so utterly adorable that his heart constricted and he was swamped with a rush of emotions he could no longer control. Without conscious thought Angel stood totally still as he continued to watch her sleep.

Within seconds his hungry eyes raked over her small curled body, taking in how her cheek rested peacefully on the palm of her hand and the way her full lips parted slightly with each new breath she inhaled. Unable to stop himself, Angel moved closer. Dropping on to his knees, he knelt by her sleeping head and, raising his hand, he started to sweep a stray lock of hair away from her face.

After a few seconds, Buffy murmured softly and opened her sleepy hazel eyes.

"Liam?"

Angel almost moaned out loud. She had no idea how delectable she looked at that moment, all soft and warm with sleep. Not wanting to startle her, he kept all trace of the emotion he was feeling out of his voice.

"That's not the most comfortable place to spend the night" He teased lightly.

"I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?" Buffy yawned and raised her hand to cover her mouth.

Angel smiled softly.

Struggling to sit up, Buffy ran a hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face.

"It's late. I ran into Lindsey and we went for a drink" Angel replied quietly and reaching over to the small table on his right, he switched on the table lamp. At once a gentle glow filled the room, falling softly across Buffy's face.

"Lindsey?" Buffy thought hard for a moment but she failed to recognise the name. Shaking her head after a few seconds, she gave up in defeat.

Angel understood the look of confusion; he had seen it on her face continually over the last few days.

"Lindsey Macdonald and I used to work for Wolfram and Hart in LA. When I left, after the case with your father, Lindsey came with me and we set up a law practice together here in Sunnydale" As he repeated the story, Angel smiled softly and Buffy couldn't fail to notice the change in his features. The anger and bitterness that she'd often sensed in him since waking up in hospital seemed to have faded from his face. For the time being anyway.

"I remember you telling me about Wolfram and Hart, but I don't think you mentioned Lindsey. What's he like?"

"He's a bit of a roughneck but he's a good man to have on your side in a fight"

Angel laughed, remembering his encounter with his best friend.

Lindsey had found him, earlier that evening, sitting in Willie's bar nursing a small untouched glass of whiskey and a large heavy heart. Dropping his briefcase on the floor next to the bar stool, the good looking young lawyer, exhausted from a long day in court, sat down quietly beside his friend at the bar.

"So, you decided to come back after all " The soft familiar drawl of Lindsey Macdonald's voice caused Angel to look up from his drink and realise that he was no longer sitting on his own.

"Yeah, I flew in last night" Angel quietly replied without giving any more details away than was necessary. Lindsey was his best friend as well as his partner in the law firm they shared, but after the week Angel had just had, he wasn't in the mood to share his feelings, not with anybody.

If Lindsey was offended he didn't show it.

As Angel turned his head, Lindsey immediately noticed the dark circles surrounding his friend's eyes and knew that the trip to New York had really taken it's toll. Months with hardly any sleep and continual worry had finally caught up and Liam's once, lively dark eyes now looked haunted as they stared back at him.

When Willie approached placing a second glass next to Angel's, Lindsey indicated for him to leave the bottle he was holding and give them some privacy.

"From the look on your face I'm taking it was bad news. Wrong girl?" He asked pouring a small measure of golden liquid into the empty glass in front of him. Angel continued to stare at his own untouched glass without making any attempt to lift it.

"No, it was Buffy alright. She was slightly hurt in the accident but considering most of the other passengers on the coach were killed, she was extremely lucky" Angel spoke quietly with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"I'm sensing a large *but* here" Lindsey knew his friend too well. After working together for over four years he understood when Liam Angelus was holding back.

"She has amnesia" Angel sighed wearily.

"No shit!.. That's convenient" Lindsey laughed but there was no humour in his voice. He had witnessed his friend's agony these last few months and knew how desperately Liam needed to find Buffy and discover what had driven her away. "So how much memory has she lost"

Angel looked back down at the bar, noticing how the liquid in his glass changed colour when the light hit it.

"About 90%, although earlier she showed signs of recovering some of it." Angel took a deep breath before he found the strength to continue.

" She just doesn't remember me" This time there was a touch of real bitterness about the words.

"Is she faking it?" Lindsey asked suspiciously.

With a sigh, Angel shook his head. "No, I wish she were but no. It's too real, her eyes wouldn't be able to lie that well.." His voice trailed off, as he visualised the look of panic and grief that had covered Buffy's face from the second she had opened her eyes in that hospital bed.

An awkward silence fell over the two men as they both took in the enormity of the problem.

In the end it was Lindsey that asked the question haunting both their minds

"Now you have her back, what are you going to do?"

Angel wrapped his long fingers around the small glass that had sat in front of him for the last two hours and, finally, raising it to his lips he swallowed the warm liquid down in one smooth gulp.

What was he going to do That really was the million dollar question, and suddenly he no longer had an answer to it.

Closing his eyes and shutting out the noise of the bar, Angel's thoughts drifted to Buffy. He found himself thinking of her hair, her smile, the way she laughed when she was happy and the way her small face creased up and trembled when she cried. He remembered with a heavy heart the way her soft mouth tasted when they kissed and how her perfect body melted into his when they made love.

It all felt like a lifetime ago.

As his friend struggled for an answer, Lindsey didn't press. He knew he had to let Liam find the solution to this problem on his own.

Toying with his empty glass, the young lawyer sat quietly on the barstool as Angel's tormented mind covered every possibility.

In the end he gave the only answer he knew.

" I honestly don't know" Angel crumbled and the pain he had been hiding from Buffy saturated his deep voice. In the company of his best friend he was finally able to show his real feelings.

"Cordy said I should kick her out once and for all. Even Darla thinks the relationship is over"

" Darla?" Lindsey didn't even bother to hide his dislike of the small blonde woman who was supposedly Buffy's friend but spent most of her time chasing after her husband. It was no secret that he'd never trusted her.

On the other hand, he had always liked Buffy Angelus; he liked her fighting spirit and envied the way she adored his best friend. Their marriage had looked so solid that it had shocked everyone who knew them when it all fell apart.

Except maybe Darla

"Are you sure Darla doesn't have an ulterior motive?" Lindsey asked carefully, not sure how close Liam and this woman had become, especially after the last few months. To an outsider, she seemed to be there every time he turned around.

Angel ran his hand over his chin as he listened to the question.

"Ulterior motive, like what?" He asked not quite understanding what the other man was asking.

Lindsey sighed, and when he looked up, his face was deadly serious.

"Like jumping your bones" He replied as plainly as he could.

Angel looked horrified.

"That's ridiculous! Darla is Buffy's best friend and she's been a great support these last few months.. But that's all. There has never been anything between us" Angel's eyes darkened over dangerously at the insinuation.

" I didn't say you wanted to jump hers" Lindsey responded defensively. The last thing he wanted was a fight but the look in Liam's eyes was frighteningly too serious at that moment.

For a tense few seconds neither spoke.

" Darla knows how much I love Buffy, you couldn't be more wrong if you tried"

Angel shook his head and backed down. He had enough problems in his life at the moment without punching out his best friend.

Reading the anger and desperation in Liam's face Lindsey knew it was time to change the subject. From the way he had reacted it was obvious that he didn't have any romantic feelings for Darla, but Lindsey still wasn't convinced that Darla was so innocent.

"So, what do you want to do?" He didn't so much change the subject as bring it full circle.

"I *need* closure" Angel replied slowly, but he couldn’t stop the pain flashing across his face.

Lindsey didn't believe him for a second. His words said one thing but his body language told a completely different story. Realising that a helping hand was needed, he cautiously considered his next move.

"Fine, then leave her. Kick the bitch out of your life and forget her." Lindsey said casually as he refilled both their glasses. He purposely let the words sink in knowing that they were having the desired effect.

Angel raked his hand through his hair as he struggled to come to a decision. He had spent so long hating Buffy for leaving him that he hadn't really thought about what would happen if she ever came back.

"What would you do?" He quietly asked his friend for advice.

Knocking back his drink, the lawyer considered the question very carefully. As far as he was concerned, this whole situation stunk and it had done from the second Buffy had fled into the night leaving just a few short words and a wedding ring.

"Well..."

Taking a deep breath he spoke straight from the heart.

"If Buffy was my wife, and I loved her as much as you obviously do, I'd fight for her. I don't care what her reason was for leaving. I'd use this second chance to remind her of why she fell in love with me in the first place and I'd make sure she never wanted to leave me again. "

Lindsey's eyes shone brightly as he finished his speech. It wasn't until the words had left his mouth, that he realise how much he believed in them.

If Liam let this girl go again he was a damn fool

Lifting the whisky bottle from the bar, he went to refill Angel's glass for a third time but Angel placed his hand over the top to stop him.

" Thank you, but I need to go home" Angel's tired eyes reflected his gratitude. Finally somebody had told him something he needed to hear.

Slowly standing from the barstool he reached down and picked up the shopping he'd earlier purchased and slowly made his way home.

Lindsey and I used to work for a law firm in LA, when I left he came with me and we set up a practice together here in Sunnydale

Turning his attention back to Buffy Angel smiled again.

"He sends you his love"

"Do I like him?"

"Yes " Angel couldn’t help but smile again.

"We got talking about a case he's been working on and I guess I lost track of the time." It was only a small white lie "Oh, I almost forgot, I brought you a few things"

"Things?"

"A change of clothes. I also dropped in on Darla, as you were so worried about going shopping, she's agreed to take you. I thought you'd rather go with her than me"

Buffy frowned.

"Darla? The woman in the video?" She sounded a little vague, but after watching their wedding seven times now, she knew exactly who Darla Penn was.

Angel laughed at her troubled expression.

"You really don't remember her at all?"

Buffy shook her head.

"No" She didn't remember her but she had a feeling she wouldn't forget her again in a hurry.

"She's been a good friend" Angel offered and tried to forget Lindsey's ridiculous words of warning.

Buffy was still frowning.

"To you or to me?" She asked quietly, her face suddenly appeared very serious.

Angel opened his eyes in surprise. He could have sworn he heard jealousy in her voice and the thought sent a warm shiver through his lonely body.

Leaning forward, he gazed deeply into her eyes.

"We have both been really worried Buffy. But you're back now and that's all that matters"

Buffy didn't speak, her eyes locked on his, searching and finding a certain comfort in the warm chocolate pools.

An air of anticipation buzzed around them as their faces moved closer together, but before anything could happen; Buffy yawned again, the exhaustion of the last few months finally catching up with her tired body.

"Come on, let me help you upstairs" Angel offered gently, as he rose from the floor.

"Liam, I need to phone Dawn and I want to visit my mother's grave as soon as possible"

Angel nodded, he knew once she remembered that Buffy would need to do both those things.

" Dawn doesn't know about the accident, she's been so busy with college that I didn't tell her. She doesn't even know you were away." He told her quietly.

"I'll ring her in the morning" Buffy went to stand but when she transferred her weight on to her swollen ankle she winced in pain.

"Come on, let's get you upstairs, we can talk more in the morning, when we've both had a good night's sleep"

Buffy smiled in thanks and when she reached out her hand, he took it and pulled her to her feet. Pulling her close, Buffy shivered as his large arm slipped around her waist and she leaned into him for support as they slowly made their way up the stairs.

On reaching Buffy's bedroom door, Angel reached for the handle and pushed it open.

For a moment an awkward silence fell over both of them as each waited for the other to move away.

Without conscious thought Angel reacted first, he lent forward and softly brushed his lips across her forehead.

"Sweet dreams" His hot breath burned against her skin and sent a shiver of pleasure right down her spine.

Buffy sighed as the scent of his masculinity flooded over her senses. Their earlier kiss had left her feeling frustrated and confused and the wedding video had only added to those feelings tenfold. Looking up, their eyes met and her turmoil shone like a lantern on a dark night.

As his blood thundered through his veins, Angel went to move back but before he had the chance, Buffy stepped forward this time. Raising her hand to the side of his face she reached up and gently drew his head down to her lips.

The kiss was soft and innocent and over in a heartbeat. Gently pulling away, Angel smiled and the expression in his deep brown eyes was so warm it melted her heart.

Although his heart was screaming to kiss her back, Angel didn't take advantage of the situation. He knew kissing Buffy now would be dangerous. For the moment he had to hold back. Buffy was still in pain and still confused and the last thing he wanted to do was ruin the relationship before it had even restarted.

If Buffy was my wife and I loved her as much as you obviously do, I'd fight for her. I don't care what her reason for leaving was, I'd use this second chance to remind her of why she loved me in the first place.

Angel smiled again, after his talk with Lindsey he now knew exactly what he was going to do and it was a relief after all the uncertainty and heartache.

"Something's different. What's changed? " Buffy asked as a sense of bewilderment spread through her whole body. She had only seen that look in his eyes once before, in their wedding video.

Reaching out his hand, Angel softly brushed her cheek. He then leaned closer so that his lips were almost brushing her ear.

"Goodnight Buffy" Before she could speak again, he was gone.

Part 11.

The fire returned.

Like an unwelcome guest at a party, it gatecrashed through her peaceful slumber and set about its cruel, evil destruction. Buffy could only watch in horror as the skin on her arms turned from a soft golden brown to a crisp, black ash, and then slowly melted away from the bones. She tried to scream, but the severe pain she felt in every cell of her body clenched the muscles of her throat closed, and her cry of desperation was lost.

She was trapped. There was nowhere left to run nowhere safe to hide and no one she could trust. Or was there?

As the fierce, red blanket moved ever closer, engulfing her in its heat and anger, Buffy screamed again, and this time the noise of her terror exploded from her throat.

"Buffy! Buffy! Wake up!" The hand on her shoulder shook gently.

Buffy sat upright in bed, shaking and clearly terrified. As her eyes focused, she saw that Angel was sitting on the side of her bed, his face wide-awake with concern.

"It was a dream. Just a dream" His rich, velvety voice tried its' best to reassure her.

Buffy just stared at him, eyes wide, panting for breath as she struggled through her disorientation.

"You were dreaming" Angel tried once again to comfort her.

"D..dr.. dreaming?" Buffy stuttered as she realised that the fire was no longer burning her body.

Although his kind words meant well, they did little to soothe the panic that was screaming through her blood. Seeing the fear continue to grow behind her frantic eyes, Angel lent forward and wrapping his arm around her trembling body, he cradled her up against bare chest.

Turning her head, Buffy pressed her face into the curve of his shoulder and as she clung to him, her fingers dug deep into the flesh of his back.

"Shh.. You're safe now" Angel tried again to soothe away the terror that had possessed her petite body. When he felt the first hot tear fall against his chest, his arms tightened and rocking her gently, he kissed the crown of her head.

Pressed so closed against his skin, Angel couldn't fail to notice how her heartbeat had doubled, as a rush of adrenaline raced through her veins.

"It was so real. It wants to burn me alive" Buffy whispered, fearful that if she spoke too loud, the flames from her dream would return and finish the job.

As the visions of her dream became clearer, she remembered that this nightmare was identical to the one she had dreamt on the plane trip home. Buffy couldn't explain why, but something evil was haunting her. Something wanted her dead.

It was so real. It wants to burn me alive

Her pitiful remark made Angel's heart lurch, he had never seen anybody look so terrified in his whole life.

At her alarmed state, he considered his next words carefully.

"Was it memories from the accident?" He asked gently, as he continued to rock her in the circle of his strong arms.

Buffy was almost too frightened to think.

"I don't know. Maybe. I just don't remember. All I can see is the fire, it's hot and bright and burning everything in its path. It's unbearable" Squeezing back more tears, Buffy leaned in closer and ran her hands down his naked back. She wouldn't cry, she couldn't, because if she did, Buffy bit into her lip, because if she did she feared she would never be able to stop.

This time Angel was the one to tremble. As her small hand absentmindedly caressed the sinewy muscles in his back, he couldn't stop his own body from reacting.

Pulled from his sleep by her frantic cries, Angel had run almost naked to her room. Now, perched on the side of what was once *their* bed, he ignored his state of undress and concentrated fully on Buffy's pain.

"I won't let anybody hurt you, not ever again" Angel murmured as he ran his hand down the length of her back. Slowly, he felt her began to relax, as her breathing returned to normal.

Although she was beginning to feel slightly calmer, Buffy was nowhere near ready to let go of the man holding her. Her fingers lessened their death grip on his flesh but they made no attempt to move away.

Sensing her reluctance and mistaking it for fear, Angel moved his mouth to the top of her head.

"There's no need to be afraid. I've got you " He whispered, softly brushing his lips against her temple.

"Angel"

Buffy's small sigh was barely above a whisper, as she felt her skin burn beneath his lips. This time the feeling of being burned wasn't fearful, but exciting.

As she ran her fingers lightly across his bare arm, Angel silently groaned. She had no idea what it did to him when she called him by that name. No idea of the memories that one simple word could provoke.

Pulling her face from the safety of his shoulder, Buffy looked directly into Angel’s dark eyes and tried not to react to his nearness.. Or his nakedness.

"I know this must be just as confusing for you as it is for me. You can remember so much more than I can and.." Buffy stopped; at that second the pain and loneliness reflected in his eyes told her without words how desperately he had missed her.

Reaching up with her hand, she turned his face and softly kissed his lips.

At the unexpected show of affection, Angel drew in a sharp breath. The kiss started softly but as each heartbeat passed, it intensified. Then, with more strength then he knew he possessed Angel broke off the kiss and pulled away.

"You should try and get some sleep now, it's late" He looked deep into her confused eyes, struggling to keep his voice even.

Suddenly the room felt cold and sitting there in just his black boxer shorts he feared he would soon be trembling himself. But it wouldn't be just from the cold. His body ached to continue the kiss, longed to hold her and press her soft body into *their* mattress, claiming her once more as his own.. But not tonight. When they finally did make love Angel wanted it to be because she *wanted* him with her heart, body and soul and not just because she was scared of the dark.

When Buffy felt him start to move away, the fear she had pushed aside a few moments earlier raised its ugly head again.

"I... I..." She hesitated, shaking her head, unsure if she should continue but knowing that she no longer had a choice.

"Please, don't go. I don't want to be on my own. I really need you tonight" Her nervous voice was small and shaky.

Angel knew, no matter how hard the temptation would be, he couldn't refuse her. Resting his forehead against hers, he fought to control the race of his own heartbeat.

"Okay, I'll stay, but just until you fall asleep" Overcome by tenderness, he smiled softly, as her face relaxed with relief.

Pulling back the sheets, he slipped his long body beneath the covers and wrapping a protective arm around her, he hugged her small back into his hard chest.

For a few minutes they lay quietly together not moving but, as she felt his long legs rubbing against her, Buffy turned in his arms.

Their eyes locked and needing to break the tension, Angel smiled again and brushed a feather-light kiss to the end of her nose. Feeling safe and secure for the first time that night, Buffy returned the smile with one that was so grateful, it almost melted his heart. Then, with a contented sigh, she rested her head against his chest and with the steady beat of his heart drumming against her ear; she gave in to her exhaustion and let the sleep that she needed, reclaim her.

Angel smiled softly as he watched her sleep, his hand lightly stroking her back for the rest of the night.

When she woke the next morning, he was gone.

Walking into the bathroom, Buffy moved towards the shower but at the last moment changed her mind. She reached over the bathtub and turned on the taps, releasing a fast flow of steaming water.

Slipping her new robe off her shoulders, she waited until the water level had risen to a level of luxury and after testing the temperature with her fingers, she sunk gratefully into its depths. As her body adjusted to the heat, Buffy's tense muscles began to soothe. She had no idea how long she lay there, silently reliving the night before, but it must have been for a while because the water had turned tepid before she reluctantly climbed out.

Leaving the bathroom, she hurried along the corridor and walked straight into Angel coming out of his room.

" Hey!" Angel was the first to break the awkward silence.

"Hey" Buffy tensed when he started to speak but as her eyes flicked over his friendly face, she let out the breath she didn't even know she was holding.

"No more bad dreams?"

Buffy shook her head in relief.

"No, thank you" She whispered shyly, and resisted telling him that the rest of the night her dreams had taken a completely different direction. This time she had dreamt of twisting bodies not crying out in pain, but in passion.

"That's good" Angel replied again with a small grin.

For a few minutes the uncomfortable small talk continued.

"You look very nice this morning" Buffy cursed as she felt her cheeks blush. She couldn't fail to miss the dark, designer suit he was wearing.

Ignoring the colour rising in her cheeks Angel just continued to grin.

"I promised Lindsey that I'd go into the office today. As you'll be busy shopping with Darla I thought it would be all right. You are still okay about going with Darla and not me?" Angel asked quietly. He wanted her to say no, he wanted to be the one to help her buy her new clothes but he quickly shut those selfish thoughts out of his head. Buffy needed her friends just as much as she needed him.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

Buffy was having her own doubts about her planned afternoon with her so called *best* friend.

"Sure. Can't wait" Her false smile was frighteningly convincing and on accepting it, Angel started to walk away. As he passed her, Buffy reached out her hand and rested it lightly on his hand.

"Liam.. Just one thing. If you have the time, there's somewhere I have to go first"

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Angel asked softly as Buffy lowered herself into the passenger's seat of the shiny black convertible. He had felt the trepidation radiating from her body all morning and it left him frustrated knowing there was nothing he could do but offer her support.

Dropping into his own seat, he watched from the corner of his eye as Buffy slowly pulled the taut seatbelt across her small chest and clicked it securely into place. With the slightest nod of her head she looked across and when their eyes met and held, her large hazel orbs reflected not only the deep sadness she carried but also an unexpected flash of determination.

"I have to face this. Until I see it for myself it will never be real"

Although she tried to sound strong, her small voice failed to hide the pain she was really feeling.

Reaching over, Angel squeezed Buffy's hand wanting to offer some measure of comfort and felt her fingers tremble. This time it wasn't passion that caused the reaction, this time it was grief.

Feeling utterly helpless and unable to bear the suffering he saw in her eyes, Angel started the car without another word and slowly pulled away from the driveway.

Buffy knelt down in the soft, green grass and lovingly laid the bouquet of fresh yellow roses, she had clutched tightly in her hand ever since leaving the flower shop, down in the centre of the grave. For days now the smell of yellow roses had unexplainably haunted her senses. Every time she had turned around the delicate fragrance had awoken a thought deep inside her head, and now she finally understood why. Running her finger gently over the cold marble headstone, Buffy traced out the small letters of her mother's name and a new wave of pain she didn't know was possible crashed over heart.

Of all the memories she longed to remember, her mother's death was not one of them. And yet here she was, surrounded by gravestones on a beautiful Tuesday morning, and suddenly the pain returned as if it had only been a day since she buried the woman who had blessed her with life.

Buffy closed her eyes as flashes of her past broke into the darkness and pounded her head with the grief.

She could now remember the police officer knocking on the door and telling her that her mother had been killed, she saw Dawnie's young face hysterically screaming that it wasn't true. Buffy remembered every second of the funeral and how the rain had fallen that day as if the Gods in heaven shared her sorrow and in sending the rain, they cried the same tears.

As she plucked out a few stray tuffs of grass from the otherwise immaculate grave, Buffy felt tears burn in the back of her eyes. Focusing on the pale yellow flowers that her mother had loved so dearly, her vision blurred until she could no longer see anything. She could now only feel and what she felt broke her heart.

"Mommy" Her shaking fingers reached out and clenched the grass covering her beloved parent.

Until I see it for myself it will never be real Her earlier words returned and the sad truth was, it was real, the grave in front of her bearing witness to the fact. Buffy had no choice but to accept that even when her memories finally returned, she would never see her mother again.

Angel stood back from the graveside, not wishing to intrude on his wife's grief, but when he saw her shoulders buckle under the weight of her pain he moved quickly to her side..

"I miss her so much.. " Buffy's voice cracked, a sob catching in her throat, and the anguish that she felt was clearly evident on her face. She glanced desperately round the graveyard, looking everywhere but in his direction.

When she did finally turn towards Angel, her large hazel eyes were brimming with tears. This time there was no holding back. This time the tears had to fall.

In a heartbeat, Angel reached down and pulling her up from the grassy graveside, he wrapped her tightly in his arms. As the pain, loneliness and grief finally became too great to hold in, Buffy buried her head against his hard chest and cried.

Knowing there was nothing he could possibly say that would make a difference, Angel just held her, whispering meaningless words and rocking her gently in his arms.

This is becoming a habit He thought as the memory of their night together played over in his head

But is holding the woman you adore in your arms and comforting her a habit you ever want to break? He already knew the answer to that question. Although he hated seeing his wife so upset. He knew he would be happy to hold her in his arms for the rest of their lives.

As Buffy's petite body shook from the force of her sobs, Angel tightened his arms around her and encouraged her to cry all the pent up grief out of her heart once and for all.

For a while time seemed to stand still.

Finally, reluctantly, Buffy raised her head and when she looked Angel in the face, his dark eyes blazed with his concern for her.

Looking into her heartbroken eyes, Angel longed to kiss away her pain but he knew once again, that this was not the time or the place. Without saying a word, he reached out, grasping her hand gently in his and lead her away from the cemetery and back to the car.

"Come on I'll take you home" Angel spoke quietly as he opened the passenger door of their car.

"No, not home. I'm supposed to be meeting Darla this afternoon" Buffy took a deep breath and tried to pull herself back together.

Waiting until his wife was safely seated, Angel ran around the other side of the car and dropped down into his own seat.

"Buffy, maybe you should go shopping another day" He asked as he placed the car key in the ignition and fired the engine. Without looking up, Buffy shook her head.

"No, I'll be fine. Really. Besides, you said yesterday that Darla is taking time off work today to take me shopping, so I can't cancel on her now"

Not that Buffy wanted to cancel. After re-watching her wedding video more times then she could remember, she was quite looking forward to meeting Darla Penn. No matter how hard she tried Buffy couldn't shake the thought from her head that they were not the close friends that Angel had led her to believe. She didn't understand where this feeling of doubt was coming from, but she knew that she would only be able to get over it once she met the woman for herself.

Raising her arm, Buffy checked her watch and tried to swap the frown she was wearing into a smile. It was a good job Angel was driving and concentrating on the road, because she failed miserably.

" I have a few hours yet before I'm due to meet her, can you drop me off at my mother's - I mean, my Gallery, I'd really like to take a look around the place. Maybe if I can see where my mother worked all those years it might help trigger more of my memory"

Angel wasn't sure if it would work but he agreed just the same.

Buffy gripped Angel's hand tighter as they walked towards the Joyce Summers art gallery on Main Street.

It was a small building and as she approached the front door, she hesitated.

"You don't have to go inside" Angel said and softly squeezed her fingers.

Buffy took a deep breath and nodded her head.

"Yes I do. If I want to find the past I have to look where it happened.

Seeing her determination, and knowing there was no changing her mind, Angel withdrew a small bunch of keys from his pocket and after turning the largest key in the lock, he pushed open the door. Walking inside the gallery, the small old-fashioned bell hanging over the doorway rang announcing their arrival. Once inside, Buffy turned her face up to see where the sound had come from and on noticing the small antique over the door, she smiled.

"I remember that bell" Her whole face came alive as another memory fell into place.

"You've been saying for years that you wanted to take it down and replace it, but you never did" Angel laughed.

Moving away from the door Buffy walked slowly around the displays.

"Has the gallery been closed for a long time" She asked running her finger down the small glass counter and watching a faint line appear in the thin layer of dust

"Anya kept it open for a few weeks but...."

"Anya?" Buffy interrupted. For a second the name seemed to register in her mind but just as quickly, it was gone.

"Anya Chase was the young woman that worked for you. You used to say she had a great head for business, although her public relations skills left a lot to be desired..." Angel laughed again as he remembered the small assistant and her aptitude for making a quick buck.

"So where is she now?" Buffy's eyes returned to the dust covering the galley and knew nobody had cleaned in weeks.

"I'm afraid she no longer works here, she quit, not long after..."Angel's voice trailed off unsure of how to continue. The day had been hard enough on Buffy as it was, it wasn't the time or the place to bring up the small fact that she'd run out on him three months earlier and to this day he still had no idea why. Closing the gallery hadn't been done out of spite, after his wife had disappeared, he was simply too worried and upset to care.

Walking across the room Buffy studied the many works of art hoping that something would jump out on her. It didn't. Turning around she caught Angel glancing at his watch.

"You promised Lindsey that you'd drop in at the office today, didn't you?"

Angel nodded

"I should really, it's only a couple of blocks away. Why don't you come with me, I could show you around..."

Noticing a small door that had the word office clearly written across it, Buffy shook her head.

"I think I'd like to stay here for a while," She said as she moved closer towards the office door. Something invisible almost pulling her.

Seeing her need to be alone, Angel reluctantly agreed.

"Why don't I call Darla from the office and tell her to pick you up from here?" He offered.

"Yeah, that would be better"

Without looking back Buffy nodded. As she opened the office door and walked slowly inside, she didn't even notice Angel leave the gallery.

Deeply engrossed with the gallery invoices, Buffy almost missed the small bell ring as the front door opened. Thinking that Liam had returned, or maybe the dreaded Darla was early, she placed the book she had been studying down on the desk and walked into the main room.

On seeing that it was neither Liam or Darla, she frowned, realising that she should have locked the door. The last thing she needed was for a customer to come in asking questions about a subject that she was yet to remember.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid the galley is closed today" Buffy apologised as she walked from the office. On reaching the front desk she stopped.

He was tall, fair and incredibly good-looking. That was the first thing she noticed. Tight faded jeans sheathed his lean hips and a white T-shirt hugged his well-developed chest.

His eyes were bright blue, sparkling, with just a hint of mischief and when he looked directly at her, Buffy almost swore they devoured her every movement.

"I. Um...." She didn't get a chance to continue. With three long strides he had passed the counter and had swept her clean off her feet.

"Bloody hell.. I thought I was seeing a ghost for a minute" His hoarse voice brushed against her ear.

Buffy could no longer breathe as she was then crushed into his hard embrace.

"Dammit Buffy, I've been worried sick. Where the hell have you been for the last three months?"

Part 12.

"Please!.. Please put me down!" Buffy gasped, finding herself gripped so tightly against a strong masculine chest, that she could hardly find the air to breathe. For a second, her whole body froze as a wave of panic crashed over her and almost scared her rigid.

When unknown fingers started brushing against places they had no right to touch, Buffy frantically searched for a name, a memory, anything that would explain why she was being molested and nearly crushed to death by a complete stranger. But no matter how hard she searched the black void that had temporarily replaced her memory, she found nothing about this man that would help.

"Please! Put... Me... Down." Buffy gasped again, her eyes widening in horror as warm lips slipped across her earlobe.

At this second urgent plea, his large hands slowly released their grip and gently lowered her feet back to the ground. Backing away, Buffy reached out her trembling fingers and gripped the edge of the desk for support.

Struggling to restart her breathing, she tilted her head and stared hard at the handsome face grinning excitedly in front of her.

He didn't look like your average psychopath.

Her would be molester was strikingly handsome. With short bleached blonde hair, exquisite cheekbones and boyish good looks, he definitely had the word *honey* stamped all over him. But it was his eyes that Buffy was drawn to.

Staring deeply, she noticed that his eyes were now more green than blue and, when the sunlight danced lightly across them, they twinkled with mischief and just the tiniest hint of danger. The small jagged scar that crossed his left eyebrow only added to the mystery.

"God! I've missed you, Summers" He chuckled and the colour of his eyes changed yet again.

Summers?

Buffy opened her mouth but suddenly found herself speechless.

Raising his hand, her good looking stranger ran his fingers lightly across her cheek, his happy grin turning slightly into a frown as he noticed the almost faded bruising.

"Are you all right, pet? You've gone a bit white"

When he spoke his voice was a mixture of laughter and concern, and something else. Buffy thought hard for a moment and then it came to her. His accent wasn't American like hers, it was English.

Looking deeply into her dubious eyes, he smiled and took a step forward and she in return, took one back.

As she apprehensively stepped away, Buffy's back bumped into the corner of the glass counter and she froze again as her withdrawal came to an abrupt end.

"I heard about the accident " He took a another small step forward, his eyes twinkling as they took in the changes in her appearance.

Buffy flinched as her back pressed harder into the cool glass display cabinet.

Under this stranger's hungry gaze, she suddenly started to feel uncomfortable. Growing slightly nervous at the closeness of his lean, tanned body, she silently cursed herself for sending Liam to his office and leaving her alone and vulnerable.

The visitor took a final step forward and his gaze bore directly into Buffy’s eyes.

Buffy felt her heartbeat increase and she tensed as he started to speak.

"Why didn't you call me? Are you okay?" His soft voice asked tenderly.

When he tried to reach for her again, Buffy quickly side stepped him and moved away.

"Buffy? What the f..."

"I'm sorry… I… do I know you?" She blurted out her reply before he had a chance to finish his curse.

"Know me" The man blinked, then laughed at the absurdity of the question.

Buffy looked at him curiously.

" I was hurt in the crash and it affected my memory" She explained as simply as she could. The last thing she wanted to do at that moment was go into personal details with a complete stranger. But even as the thought entered her head, Buffy could tell from the look in his eyes that he knew her even if she had no memory of him.

She was right.

"You don't remember me?" A tiny flicker of confusion wrinkled his brow.

Buffy shook her head.

"It's Will, Buffy. William Pennington " He waited patiently for a few seconds for her to make the connection.

Buffy ran the name inside her head but it still came up blank.

At his expectant look, she felt the absurd impulse to say. 'How do you do' but realising that it would sound like a slap in the face, she just shook her head again in polite regret.

"I don't believe this, are you playing games with me?"

"I'm not playing games, I'm not playing anything" she argued thinly "I have amnesia"

"Amnesia? " The small word almost choked him with disbelief.

Buffy nodded and sighed.

" I've lost almost 90% of my memory. I'm sorry, but like I said before, I have absolutely no idea who you are"

He didn't speak, his intense eyes studying her face for signs that she was joking, or worse still, lying.

Feeling even more uncomfortable, Buffy cleared her throat.

"I guess we must be friends then, it's just..?" She paused, not knowing what to say next.

"Friends! I think that's got to be the understatement of the year, luv"

This time when he laughed it was cold and humourless and the sound made Buffy shiver from her head to her toes.

At her bewildered expression he snorted, and then continued.

" No, I wouldn't really call us friends, pet. I'm not sure what you'd call us these days, but we have been sleeping together for over a year"

Buffy watched his lips move and heard the words form but, for all the sense they made, he might as well have been speaking a foreign language.

"That's not true" She instinctively denied the allegation. The thought that she could have cheated on her husband was so alien to her that it was almost impossible to conceive.

If she had ever made love to this man she would have remembered Buffy silently argued, desperate for his words to be a lie.

But you didn't remember Liam when you first saw him A small voice in her head argued back

But my heart remembers Liam, my body remembers Liam

A vision of her husband's face then came to her mind and her heart sank.

Ignoring her pain, William leaned against the counter and reaching into the back pocket of his tight jeans, he removed a packet of cigarettes. Realising they were empty, he screwed up the wrapper and angrily tossed it to the wastepaper bin at his feet.

"I can't be sleeping with you... I'm married" Buffy spoke quietly.

She suddenly remembered her wedding video and the way her eyes had looked adoringly towards her new husband. There was no way a few short months later she would have taken a lover.

Would I?

As she studied the cocky expression on his face Buffy feared that William Pennington looked far too sure of himself.

"Yeah, I know you're married, but it never worried you before. Your old man was such an arsehole you couldn't wait to jump between my sheets. For your information, *you* chased *me* Summers, not that I'm complaining." He smirked and his eyes narrowed slightly.

"It's not possible." Buffy denied the allegation again in total disbelief as all the colour drained from her face. She couldn't believe that something this important had been so seriously overlooked.

William just stared at her with stormy eyes.

"You're serious, aren't you" He said at last "You really don't remember me?"

Buffy moistened her lips

"My memory before the accident is almost blank, we're hoping…"

"We? Not that bastard husband of yours. Did you remember him?" William's voice rose and his eyes changed from stormy to almost deadly.

Buffy shivered, realising there was obviously no love lost between the two men.

And yet if Liam knew, why hadn't he said anything The thought bothered her.

"Liam, well..." Buffy started to explain but before she could complete the sentence her words were lost in an angry outburst.

"So! You can remember him, but not me?" William's handsome face grew pale, his eyes darkened and for an instant, Buffy felt a small tremor of fear.

Then, in less than a heartbeat, he reached out, and taking Buffy's face firmly between his hands, William brought his mouth crashing down on her lips. Startled, Buffy struggled as his long arms wrapped themselves around her body and pulled her closer into his arms. As his tongue slipped into her mouth Buffy pulled violently away.

This is wrong A thousand tiny voices cried into her head. She didn't have one memory of ever kissing this man before.

Although his kiss was warm and passionate Buffy knew she couldn't respond. She knew deep in her heart that kissing this man wasn't right. There wasn't any logic in her thinking, just a strong gut reaction and that reaction told her that something about this man just didn't add up.

"Don't touch me" Buffy struggled to reclaim her composure as her large hazel eyes flashed her distrust.

She needed to think.

Stepping back, William let out a deep sigh of frustration and ran his hands through his short blonde hair.

"Buffy, I think that knock to your head did more than just wipe out a few memory cells. What on earth's gotten into you? I've already told you that we're lovers, I've had you on that office floor more times than I can count and now suddenly you can't bear to even kiss me " He shouted angrily.

Although he sounded genuine Buffy still couldn't find it in her heart to believe him.

"I need time to think about this, I want you to leave."

"What is there to think about? I love you and you love me" William shrugged his shoulders. In his eyes it was as simple as that.

"No!" Buffy shook her head violently "How can I love you when I can't even remember you"

"But you remember that bastard, Angelus" William spat out in fury. His fists curled and he had a strong urge to smash them through the glass counter in temper.

Buffy glared back.

"Don't call him that" She defended her husband without a second thought..

"I don't bloody believe this". William closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm the raging fire that burned through his body. As he opened his eyes again, he looked into Buffy's face and hardly recognised her frightened features.

"So now what, you're suddenly in love with him all over again? " He demanded furiously. He didn't give her time to answer. "The next thing you'll be telling me is you let the sod back in your bed"

At the slight rise in the colour of her cheeks, William's last thread of control snapped.

"You already have, haven't you. Dammit Buffy, you're sleeping with the bastard again?" His voice exploded.

"That's none of your business"

Buffy's eyes flickered around the room looking for an escape route. She didn't really believe that he was dangerous but she doubted she had ever seen anybody that angry and frustrated before.

"The hell it is. How much of your life do you remember with him? You left him once and now you're right back where you started"

"I asked you to leave. Please, if you care about me you'll give me time to sort this mess out, once and for all" Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as if searching for some inner strength to continue.

William sighed, but then reluctantly nodded his head.

"Okay, I'll give you the space you need. But, like it or not, I'm in your life, you can't just shut me out."

"I'm not shutting you out, I simply need time to remember"

"Yeah, right. Okay, you win, I'll give you what you want but, I'm warning you, don't trust him, not for a second, luv. He'll rip your bleeding heart out " William finished and when he looked back up, Buffy watched as the anger drained from his face, leaving his eyes full of pain.

Shaking his head sadly, he turned away from her so that she wouldn’t see his heart shatter into a million pieces, and slowly walked away.

When William reached the front door he stopped and leaned his forehead against the cold glass, keeping his face forward, not wanting to see the confusion on her face as he delivered his final words.

"Hopefully, when you finally come to your senses, you'll remember that I love you much more than he *ever* did, and when he breaks your heart again..." William swallowed hard and his voice lowered down into a painful whisper.

"I'll still be here waiting, and Buffy, I'll still love you" With those last words the unhappy young man, flung open the door and disappeared down the street.

Buffy stood very still as the door swung closed, the small bell, over head, ringing its heart out.

In the space of a few minutes, her complicated life had once again been thrust into the dark. As she fought to come to terms with the new information, two very different voices replayed over and over inside her head.

No. We're not friends, Buffy. You're my wife

No, I wouldn't really call us friends, pet. I'm not sure what you'd call us these days, but we have been sleeping together for over a year

Buffy gripped the counter until her knuckles turned white, as more and more memories from the recent week replayed before her eyes. Two men, so different in appearance and yet both claiming to know her better than she knew herself, fought each other inside her head.

I've had you on that office floor more times than I can count and suddenly you can't bear to kiss me

William's arrogant boast was quickly replaced with her husband's gentle words of reassurance.

There's no need to be afraid. I've got you

He had been right, in Angel's arms she wasn't afraid.

Buffy sighed, desperately needing those arms around her at that moment.

When you come to your senses, hopefully you'll remember that I love you much more that he ever did, and when he breaks your heart again...I'll still be here and Buffy, I'll still love you

I won't let anybody hurt you, not ever again

Buffy closed her eyes as a solitary tear trickled down her cheek. Just when the light was beginning to break through her nightmarish life, William Pennington breezes in and extinguishes it. Standing there, still clinging to the counter for support, her heart raced uncomfortably fast and her throat started to close in, suffocating her.

Was it really possible that she had cheated on Liam?

Every instinct rejected the idea. Liam had been kind, considerate and loving, nowhere near the monster that William had painted. But why would William lie? He had seemed genuinely shocked to hear about the amnesia.

What could he possibly gain by lying? Buffy asked herself as more words returned to haunt her mind.

How much of your life do you remember with him? You left him once and now you're right back where you started

"Left him?" Buffy gasped out loud, anguish and pain laced her voice as she relived her so-called lover's words. It was only now, when she had time to reflect, that the true meaning of the statement sunk in to her head.

It feels as if I've not been here for years.. Liam, just how long was I away?

A little over three months

What happened to my clothes? I mean all the hangers in my room are empty

"Oh God" Buffy gasped as the pieces of her life started to fall into place. Bending over, she clutching her stomach with one hand while the other flew to cover her mouth, but she was too late, as her insides violently clenched, most of her breakfast decorated the floor...

Part 13

William needed air. No, correction, he needed a cigarette, a drink and then he seriously needed to hit somebody. Hard. It didn't matter who. No, actually it did matter who, in fact it mattered a lot. As his long legs moved angrily down Main Street, William's troubled mind filled with visions of his fists punching Liam Angelus' head right through the nearest wall.

How can I love you when I can't even remember you Buffy's frightened voice echoed deep inside his head as he moved away from the gallery as fast as the muscles in his legs would allow

But you remember that bastard, Angelus?

So now what, you're suddenly in love with him all over again? The next thing you'll be telling me is you let the sod back in your bed

You already have, haven't you. Dammit Buffy, you're sleeping with the bastard again

That's none of your business

As William's thoughts turned to Liam worming his way back into Buffy's bed, his heart raced, frantically pumping the bitterness he felt into every cell of his body.

"Bloody bastard" William cursed in frustration. As he continued down the street, his foot struck out at an empty coke can lying in his path and sent it spinning across the pavement with the full force of his anger.

For Will, it didn't matter how much distance he put between him and Buffy, her painful words continued to crush his broken heart with every new step he took.

I can't be sleeping with you... I'm married....

"Yeah, don't I know it" He mumbled to himself and stepping off the pavement, he quickly crossed the road.

As he headed in the direction of Willie's bar, the other pedestrians on the street quickly moved out of the troubled young man's path.

"Hey! Wait! Where do you think you're going?" A female voice called and although William heard the question clearly, he made no attempt to slow down.

"William!" Her voice called again and the cold sharp tone left little doubt in his mind that there would be real trouble if he didn't answer her.

Tough luck. Bitch

Without slowing, William threw his reply over his shoulder.

"I'm really not in the mood to play happy families right this minute. So just Piss off and leave me alone" He muttered harshly and intending to put as much distance between them as possible, he increased his stride.

The blonde woman following him was small but she moved swiftly and within a few seconds she had caught up and moved along side.

"For a poet you really use the most charming language." She purred sarcastically, and from her vantagepoint she couldn't fail to notice the anguish radiating from his lean body.

As the neon sigh advertising Willie's bar caught his eye, William ignored his unwanted companion and turned sharply towards the entrance.

"Dammit, William! Will you slow down?" she finally snapped, as her small heels struggled to keep up the hurried pace.

"Okay, you want charming, how's this for charming" Finally losing his temper, Will spun a U-turn and glared dangerously into the woman's pale blue eyes " I'm having a really bad day, so please, do us both a favour, and...." He sighed deeply and decided not to finish the insult. From the determined look on her face it would have been a complete waste of time anyway.

As he started to turn away again, a small, well-manicured hand reached out and came to rest lightly on his arm.

"Stop acting so damn pathetic and just tell me where you're going?"

At the fleeting look of pain that flickered in his eyes, the woman's voice softened slightly.

"Honey! It couldn't have gone that badly" She cooed as her long fingers slid softly across his bare arm.

The fair-haired man, with thunder in his dangerous eyes glared for a few more seconds and then shook off her hand.

"After what I've just done, I think I deserve a bloody stiff drink. Nah, make that the whole fucking bottle." William turned his head towards the neon sign and could almost taste the cool beer he desperately needed.

"There will be plenty of time for that later. Just tell me what happened at the gallery?" The female snapped back, impatient for an answer to her question.

With a sigh, William shook his head. Suddenly needing a cigarette, he reached into the back pocket of his jeans only to remember the empty packet he had earlier tossed away at the gallery.

Don't touch me

The moment he thought of the gallery, the memories of Buffy pushing him away returned and once again his fragile mood turned black.

As if reading his mind, his companion pulled an unopened carton of cigarettes from her jacket pocket and carelessly threw them at him.

Without a word, William caught the packet, ripped off the top and after lighting up; he drew the thick smoke deep into his lungs. As the nicotine entered his blood stream, and set to work at soothing his nerves, Will let out a deep sigh of relief.

"I take it you saw her?"

The woman's cool words cut through the calm haze that had formed inside his head and immediately returned the tension to his body.

"You know damn well that I saw her, you cunning bitch. After all, you were the one who told me where she was going to be" William shot the reply back and returned the cigarette to his mouth.

"And did she believe you?" The female asked coldly, but she couldn't stop the delighted smirk on her face shinning through her cool show of indifference.

Everything was going better than she had dreamed possible. Buffy being left alone at the gallery so soon had been a godsend.

At the question William's eyes narrowed.

"And why wouldn't she believe me, Darla?" He took a step forward but the much smaller woman just blocked his path and refused to move.

William tilted his face closer; and a small muscle twitched in the side of his jaw as dared his companion to argue with him.

"You told her everything we agreed and she believed you?" Darla's eyes lit up in delight.

" I told her the truth" As he replied to the question, William exhaled a mouthful of smoke right in the woman's smirking face.

The insult was ignored.

"The truth?" Darla laughed cruelly, as she ran the two words over her tongue.

" Well, I guess it's the truth as your twisted mind sees it. My dear boy, before her accident, Liam's little cheerleader never gave you so much as a second glance, and we both know it."

The second she saw William flinch she knew she had struck a raw nerve.

"My relationship with Buffy is none of your business" William growled through clenched teeth.

"So you keep telling me."

The disbelief in her voice wasn't lost on either of them. Darla drew in a deep breath and when she met his eyes again her expression was deadly serious.

"Honey, I really don't care whether you were screwing the bitch or not, just make sure you convince *her* that you were."

Dropping what was left of his cigarette to the floor, William ground it out with the toe of his boot.

This time it was his turn to smirk.

"Don't worry about me, I'll have Buffy eating out of the palm of my hand before you know it"

And then I'll really screw her on that office floor He added as a silently afterthought.

At the prospect, William smiled for the very first time since leaving the gallery.

Darla watched as the light returned to his cool eyes and with a sigh of disbelief, she shook her head. It still amazed her that he could possibly love the skinny blonde girl who had made her life hell for so many years. But it didn't matter; in fact it actually helped with her plan.

"You're sick, Will, and you're welcome to the little bitch. As long as she stays away from Liam, I really don't care what happens to her. But I promise you this; I'm not losing Liam Angelus again, not for anyone. If Buffy Summers gets in my way this time, amnesia will be the least of her problems "

Darla smiled, but her eyes were so hard William almost shivered. When she spoke again she left him with little doubt how deadly serious she was.

"If she crosses me one more time, I'll crush her like a bug"

Part 14

Inside the Joyce Summer's Gallery it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

Nothing moved for what felt like an eternity.

Eventually, the first sound that broke through the eerie stillness was the rapid beating of a heart. It pounded so hard behind the ribcage of the small woman's chest that there was serious danger of physical pain.

Then, somewhere in the distance, a new sound joined the equation.

The muffled ticking of a small clock was the only sign that time hadn't completely come to a stand still, although for the life of her, Buffy found that fact hard to deal with. From the second William Pennington's tall frame had disappeared through the front door of the gallery, reality had turned into a nightmare.

Although the antique bell over the front door had long stopped ringing, Buffy almost swore the sound still reverberated right into her very soul. Even when she closed her eyes, she could still feel the vibrations echoing through her body. As she wrapped her arms around her chest to stop her trembling, she knew it wasn't only the ringing of the bell that had left an echo. Buffy was now filled with so much confusion she feared her head would explode.

She had thought not remembering her past was hard enough, but learning the things William Pennington had just told her was a million times worse.

Friends! I think that's got to be the understatement of the year, luv

Even though she was now totally alone, Buffy still felt William's presence all around the room. His clear-cut voice remained and taunted her from every direction.

No, I wouldn't really call us friends, pet. I'm not sure what you'd call us these days, but we have been sleeping together for over a year

"Oh God. What have I done?" Buffy whispered out loud as she felt her knees begin to shake again.

Alone and vulnerable, Buffy was beginning to get really frightened. She was suddenly terrified that the past life she had searched so hard to find wasn't the happy secure place she had believed it to be. In the blink of an eye, her safety blanket of the perfect past had been totally stripped away and the small fragments of her new life were now spinning totally out of control. Not only was she not the person she had believed she was, but Buffy Angelus was now somebody she didn't even know if she even liked.

Once again the frightened young woman was plagued with questions she couldn't begin to answer.

"So, if I wasn't the happy loving wife in the video, who the hell was I?"

This new question haunted her more than any of the others.

Had she really been the kind of woman that would take a lover so easily and cheat behind her husband's back? Buffy shook her head, the idea was just too horrid, but sadly there were worse thoughts to follow.

If William Pennington was telling the truth, and that was exactly the woman she had been, why had she run off and left her husband *and * her lover behind. Was it possible she had run out on both of them?

Buffy couldn't think straight as another wave of nausea rose over her and sent her small frame doubling over with the force of its anger. For ten minutes her fragile stomach continued to wrench but after the second time of decorating the gallery floor, there was simply nothing left for the wrenching to bring up.

Finally, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth and tucking her loose hair behind her ears, Buffy straightened up. With all the effort she could muster she turned and, walking back into the small office at the rear of the gallery, silently closed the door behind her.

The change of environment brought little comfort.

I've had you on that office floor more times than I can count.

At the memory of William's crude words, Buffy shuddered.

How could she have done something so intimate with a man she had absolutely no memory of. If their bodies had really made love on the office floor more times then he could count; surely there should be something in the back of her mind that would prove he was telling the truth. But there wasn't. There wasn't any memory inside her shattered head of William at all

Of course, she hadn't remembered marrying Liam at first. Buffy tried to make sense of the situation but her argument was quickly shot to pieces. She might not have remembered Liam Angelus as her mate but she had always known his face and his name. Her subconscious might have misplaced him as being her husband, but her heart and soul hadn't wiped him out. When he touched her skin, her whole body had responded with a will of its own.

William was a completely different story.

It didn't matter how hard she tried; Buffy couldn't find any feelings for William at all. Not in her memories, not in her heart and not in her soul. He said they were lovers and she had no reason to think he would lie, but the plain truth was, William Pennington meant nothing to her at all.

Feeling incredibly light-headed, Buffy threw open the office window and resting her head lightly against the security bars, she filled her lungs with a rush of cool air.

Outside, the world went about its business as normal but on the other side of the window, Buffy Summers Angelus felt as if her life was crashing down all around her. For a woman who, only a few hours earlier, had no past, present or future, she suddenly found herself in a very difficult position.

On one hand there was Liam, not only a husband, but also a man she knew she could love very easily. He had pulled her out of the darkness and had held her through the pain and the confusion that had followed. The very last thing she wanted to do was hurt him, especially if he hadn't know about her affair.

Her affair

That thought returned Buffy to the other man in the equation.

William. The good-looking blonde lover that had come out of nowhere and genuinely seemed to care about her, even when she had pushed him away. He had promised her that Liam would break her heart again.

Was it really possible that he had broken her heart once before. Was that why she had left him? Too many questions and nowhere near enough answers made Buffy's head throb with uncertainty.

Was Liam still wearing a mask? Or maybe the mask belonged to William. Someone was lying

As Buffy closed her eyes she could see Liam and William so clearly. Both men were incredibly good looking in totally different ways. Sexy, passionate, charming and kind. She could easily see why she would have been attracted to either of them, but Buffy also knew in her heart that when she had kissed them, only one of the two had made her heart yearn for the kiss to continue. Only one of them had made her blood course through her veins at a thousand miles an hour.

In her right mind she wouldn't have looked at another man so soon after marrying Liam.

But had she been in her right mind? Or had Liam somehow driven her into the arms of another man?

Leaning over the small sink in the women's rest room, Buffy splashed her face with cool water and took a deep breath to calm her shaking body. Tilting her head slightly, she hesitantly looked at her reflection in the mirror hanging just above the sink and shuddered. Her eyes, not to mention her nose, were both flushed bright red, while her cheeks were now a ghostly shade of white.

Raising her trembling fingers she slowly traced the contours of the face staring out at her from behind the glass.

"Who the hell are you?" Buffy asked as she tried desperately to see past the reflection and into the person who wore her face.

What sort of woman had she *really* been? A loving wife as the wedding video portrayed, or a adulterous bitch who had cheated on her husband and then ran out on him without a second thought

As small droplets of water dripped from the edge of her hair and rolled slowly down her face, Buffy carefully studied the information she had collected over the last few days.

Had she really been having a torrid affair behind Liam's back?

Every cell in her body rejected the idea, but in all honesty, Buffy had no idea what kind of relationship her marriage had been. When she had first woken in the hospital, Liam had been cold, almost untouchable. It was only once they had been home for a few days, that he had dropped the mask he wore so carefully over his expressions and a kind, patient and loving man had emerged. Then just as she was beginning to fall back in love with him, William Pennington enters her life and it all gets thrown back into confusion.

"No wonder you ran away" The first bitter sting of tears was already burning behind her eyes as self-pity rose up from its hiding place and threatened to drown her.

But this time Buffy wouldn't allow herself the luxury of crying.

She needed to pull herself together and sort this mess out once and for all and then she needed...

So lost in her thoughts, Buffy missed the small bell ringing again over the door, announcing that a new visitor had entered the building.

Splashing her face one last time, she reached out her hand and finding a paper towel in the dispenser, she dried off the remaining moisture. As her thoughts turned to finding her bag and repairing the damage to her makeup, Buffy also missed the creak of the office door slowly being pushed open.

"Hello Buffy"

Startled, Buffy turned.

"Liam told me to meet you here. God, you look dreadful, what on earth happened?"

Buffy didn't need introductions. The face of the woman smiling at her was now imprinted firmly on her brain. Not in the form of a memory. Buffy knew this was the face from her wedding video.

Standing in an immaculate white designer suit, with matching shoes and perfect makeup was her so called *best friend*. A best friend Buffy had a sneaky feeling she'd be a real fool to trust. Especially where her husband was concerned.

As Buffy's eyes caught sight of her own dishevelled reflection in the mirror; she fought off the wave of panic that threatened to strike and instead forced a small smile to her lips.

"Hello, Darla. It's good to see you again" Her voice was remarkably calm.

Buffy walked forward, but as the two women embraced she heard a small warning voice deep inside her head.

So this woman is your best friend?

Not in a million years

On to Part Fifteen