Pain

by Maygen

Disclaimer: All characters, etc. belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox, etc. I don't own them. I'm simply dreaming on paper...
Time Line: next part in the Dreams & reality series, start at the begining or it won't make sense!


Buffy ran out of the office, sobbing, she collapsed on the sidewalk of the building. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Cordelia. Cordelia helped Buffy up and into her car.

Back at her apartment Cordy busied herself with a tray in the kitchen and Dennis handed Buffy a box of kleenex. The ruffled slayer took one and did her best to get her wits about her. Cordelia emerged from the kitchen with some hot tea and Buffy looked at her questioningly.

"Okay so Giles and Wesley have rubbed off on me." Cordelia looked at Buffy. The slayers eyes were red and blood shot, her nose puffy. "Besides I think that I know first hand that there's nothing better for heartache than tea - well unless you count chocolate."

Buffy looked at Cordelia for the first time since she'd come to L.A. The girl had changed a lot since high school, she'd actually matured beyond fashion magazines and hundred dollar skirts. "I'm sorry about your friend...Doyle?"

Cordelia shifted and poured herself some tea. "Yeah Doyle. He gave his life to save a lot of people - well demons any way. And he gave me his gift, visions, but I've forgiven him for that." Buffy half smiled and set her cup down. The two girls had never been particularly close but Cordelia couldn't stand to see Buffy this way. "Angel still loves you, you know."

Buffy studied her hands. "I'm not so sure any more."

Cordelia lay her hand on top of Buffy's. "I am."


Angel slammed his kitchen cabinet shut, almost breaking the dishes he had just put away. It was the morning after Buffy had accused him of being a coward and he was still reeling. He barely heard Cordelia walk up behind him as he slammed shut another cabinet.

Cordelia spoke. "Looking for something?"

Angel didn't turn to face her. "How could Buffy say that I'm a coward?"

Surprisingly to Angel, Cordelia didn't seem caught off guard by the sudden subject change. "Because she's right Angel and you know it." The words stabbed him like a knife and he sank into one of the chairs at his kitchen table, Cordelia sat across from him. "I don't completely agree with her though." The ex-vampire looked directly at his secretary. "You were right in breaking it off and leaving Sunnydale. It was too dangerous for you to be together."

"Then how am I a coward?"

"You're a coward because you refuse to go back to her now. There's always gonna be danger in both of your lives, " she lifted Angel's face to look at her, "you can't help that. But the danger is gone. The only way you can hurt each other now is by refusing to be together."

"I just don't know. What if -"

"No what if's. She loves you Angel, but that's not going to hold her forever. You can't expect guys to stay away from a girl like her. Trust me, I learned that the hard way." Cordelia thought back to all of the guys that had ended up pursuing Buffy instead of her. "She loves you, but she's not gonna wait, not if she truly believes that you don't love her." Looking at her friend she could tell he was heartsick. "What are you gonna do?"

Angel rested his head in his hands. "I just don't know Cordelia."


Buffy was busy packing her things when Hank walked in. "You headed back home?"

She zipped her bag shut. "Yup. I'm almost all healed. My bus leaves at 10:30 tomorrow morning."

"You've always healed fast haven't you?" Buffy nodded, the phone began to ring. "I wish we could have spent more time together." Her father replied as he walked off to answer the phone.

Buffy looked at him. "I know." Hank left the room. He always had some excuse for work. Almost nothing came before it - not even her. Her trip to L.A. had been in the hopes of reestablishing relationships but had ended by leaving her depressed and emotionally wounded. Sighing, she thanked God that she had Giles and the slayerettes waiting for her in Sunnydale.


Willow waited impatiently at the bus station. When the red head finally located Buffy she ran up to her and they embraced. "Buffy!"

"Hey Willow. Miss me?" She silently hoped Willow couldn't sense her mood.

"Oh yeah." The two friends began to walk to Willow's car. "Oh! I moved us into our new dorm. I know we were going to do it together but then the whole Darla thing happened and this place became available and it was perfect. You're not mad are you?"

Buffy tightened her seat belt and rubbed her eyes. "No just tired. To be honest I'm kinda glad that I don't have to go through the pain of moving again."

Willow giggled, "Yeah it's not like you haven't been in enough pain any way." Willow didn't notice Buffy's cringe at her comment. "Ohh! What if one of our new teachers makes you write an essay about what you did on your summer vacation? I mean it's not like you can say that you were kidnaped and held hostage by your vampire ex-lover's vampire ex-lover!"

Buffy laughed in spite of her mood. "Willow don't worry about it. Besides, it's not lying - it's creative writing."


On to New Beginnings