Enshrined in My Soul

by Mariah

Part Nine

Buffy unlocked the door into her house and held it open for her two companions to enter.

Riley walked in first, and Buffy suddenly looked up at Angel. "Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized, realizing she hadn't invited him in yet, but taking her by surprise, he simply smiled, and stepped over the threshold.

"How did you." she begun, but again, he just smiled. "Right," she caught with him. "I guess you were already invited once."

He approved with a nod.

"Okay," she glanced between the two men. "First of all, keep the voices down. My sister is asleep," she gesticulated with her head to the second floor. "Now, you," she pointed at Angel, "come with me."

He obeyed. Having nothing else to do, Riley followed the two into the kitchen.

Once they were there, Buffy took charge. "Take off your shirt," she instructed the vampire.

He obeyed, hesitantly however, slightly wincing when he had to tear the fabric from the wound in his chest, even though it was already almost closed.

Buffy took the blood-stained shirt from his hands, inspecting it. "You have others, right?"

"Yeah."

"So, you won't miss this one," she tossed it into the trashcan, and stood on her tiptoes to retrieve the first aid kit from one of the hanged cupboards.

When she found it, she returned to where Angel was sitting, and started carefully cleaning the already clotted blood from his chest. Riley watched the two from the doorway, not saying a word, but feeling as if his heart was being torn again and again with every time she gently stroked the vampire's skin with a saturated cloth. Her every movement was done so cautiously, so lovingly, maybe even without her awareness of it, that it practically hurt Riley's eyes to watch it. And what's worse, the vampire seemed to enjoy it!

"It's almost closed," Buffy observed, as she was taping the lesion.

"It'll be okay," Angel assured her, while a similar event that had occurred years ago was playing out before his eyes. "Vampire's healing. It'll be gone by tomorrow."

"Good," she nodded, while returning everything into the box. "I'm.sorry about that," she whispered, without looking up.

"Hey," he raised her chin with his index finger. "It's okay. It wasn't your fault, alright? I understand."

"I'm still sorry," she said, and abruptly her expression changed. Her eyes suddenly became remote, as if she were gone from the real world for a spell.

// "So, you weren't following me? I just.had this feeling you were."

"Why would I do that?"

"You tell me. You're the mystery guy that appears out of nowhere. I'm not saying I'm not happy about it, but...if you are hanging around, I'd like to know why."

"Maybe I like you."

"Maybe?" //

"Buffy!" she was drawn out of the flashback by Angel's anxious voice.

She blinked a few times, then shook her head. Finally, she gazed up at him, her eyes large and befuddled.

By that time, Riley was also by her side. "Buffy, what's wrong?" he grabbed her from Angel and gently shook her shoulders. "What happened?"

Angel gave him a look, and Riley let go instinctively, and Angel took over, guiding the still confused Buffy to the chair he had occupied before.

She sat down, all the while not moving her eyes from his, looking after him even while he was pouring her a glass of water. Only after he had handed it to her, and she took a couple of sips, she seemed to be able to speak again. The confusion had slightly cleared from her eyes, but as was soon proven, not her voice.

"It happened before.didn't it?" she asked Angel. Riley stepped aside, just listening.

"What did?" the vampire squatted in front of her, and put his palms on her knees, peering into her eyes.

"This," Buffy looked around the kitchen, and back at him. "What's just happened."

*No, she couldn't be talking about.* "What exactly?" he pried her, directing her.

Buffy peered him in the eyes. She didn't need him to say the words. Stunning both Angel and Riley, she abruptly jumped on the vampire, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I remembered!" she squealed, laughing. "I really did! I remembered something! Angel, I remembered!"

He beamed, standing up and wrapping his arms around her, crushing her body to his, and Riley felt he was intruding on a very private moment. For the first time that evening, he truly wished he had slept in his car.

Finally, Buffy regained composure and climbed off of him.

"Are you okay?" he wanted to know.

"Yeah," she grinned, nodding. "God, I'm more than okay, I.I remembered! Angel, I have actual images in my head.real memories.God, thank you!" she hung on his neck again, and he enclosed his arms around her. "Thank you so much."

"It's not me," he smiled, as he was looking into her face when she slightly pulled off. "It's you. Maybe you just needed the right set off."

"Maybe," she whispered, beaming too, and for a moment, they simply held eye contact.

"Are you.are you alright?" Riley asked, hesitation in his voice.

Buffy averted her eyes from Angel's and looked at him. "I am," she smiled, then gazed back at Angel. "Tell me about that night," she requested.

"Buffy, I.I can't give away everything. I never intended to. I intended to guide you through it, to prompt you, but not to reveal your memories too much."

"I know. I KNEW, I.I understand. Really. But.just tell me a little. Can you do that? Like, how did we wind up at my place? Was it like.the first time?"

He sighed, then nodded. "Yeah, it was. It happened during that period I was sort of.lurking in the shadows, never made contact unless it was essential I would, or when I needed to warn you. You were only sixteen, recently moved to Sunnydale. What happened was that you were walking home from the Bronze, and you were attacked by The Three...three vampires. You were losing.big time, and I happened to be in the right place in the right time."

"Happened to?" Buffy gave him a knowing smile.

He shrugged, grinning impishly. "You knew better than that even then."

"I bet," she grinned. "What happened next?"

"Next.I joined the fight, but they still held the upper hand, and eventually, we dashed into your house."

"That's when you got injured, right? During the fight?"

"Yeah. I was slashed in the ribs. Anyway, you led me to the kitchen, and ordered me to take my shirt off, then you treated my wound."

"And then?"

He smiled, reposing his large hand on her small cheek. "That, you'll remember yourself."

Buffy smiled. Suddenly, for the first time ever, she knew she would. "Okay," she clapped her hands. "I'd say it's nap time," she looked up at Angel. "Or.it is for us.are you tired?"

He nodded. Tired was an understatement for what he was after everything he'd underwent tonight. "I'm beat."

"Okay, then. There's the couch, and there's.well, my room. Who takes what?" she looked between the two men.

"I'll take the couch," Angel suggested, when as expected, nobility took over, momentarily clouding the pain of merely the thought of HIS Buffy and Riley sharing a bed.

Riley looked down briefly, regretting he hadn't suggested it first, although under normal circumstances he'd be everything BUT let down.

And the Slayer herself.the only thought that went through her mind was that the sleeping arrangements should have been reversed. And she didn't even know it was the beginning of another memory.

The only thing the three of them knew was that it was going to be a very short night.

"It's you," she smiled, as the male figure immerged into view.

He smiled, nodding.

"It was you.all along. How.how did you invade my dreams?"

"You brought me there," he replied simply.

"I did?"

"I told you. Look into your soul."

"My soul?"

"Yeah. Where else can you find me?" he chuckled.

"Angel. It's a beautiful name," she smiled.

He grinned. "So you said."

"I did? When?"

"You'll remember that too."

She nodded. "You won't leave me.will you?"

"Not unless you ask me to," he assured with a smile.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Tell me something about me," she asked.

"Oh, no," he grinned. "If I don't do that when I'm awake, asking me when I'm sleeping isn't gonna change much. It will come to you, but this time, with my help."

She laughed. "I like you, you know?"

He smiled. *I wished you loved me.again.* and he knew he'd never force on her emotions she wasn't familiar with, and even more importantly, had absolutely nothing to base them on.

However, his eyes mirrored his precise thoughts too much. "Maybe, I will," she said. "Maybe, I do, and all it takes now is to remember."

"Then, I'll wait," he cupped her cheek in his palm. "I'll wait forever."

Part Ten

Buffy opened her eyes, blinking at the bright morning sun that penetrated through her half-shut bedroom window. That dream she had that night still wouldn't get out of her head. For the first time ever, she remembered it. ALL of it. She remembered HIM.Angel. A smile flickered across her lips to the mere thought of his name. But there was something that was bothering her, TOO much. In the dream, she had almost admitted the exact feelings she was dreading so much. These feelings were wrong, according to every standard. She couldn't possibly feel something like that towards a vampire. She was the Slayer, for Heaven's sake! The Slayer! These feeling, initiated by a vampire, meant absolutely NOTHING good. NOTHING. She needed to get this out of her head, to get HIM out of her head. But how would she EVER do that, if he were going to spend 24/7 with her now? And was she so miserable about it? Hardly! In fact, she couldn't wait to see him, to see his bright smile, to feel his arms around her. *Dammit!* Buffy shook her head. She rolled on her side and looked down to the floor next to her bed, right into Riley's still sleeping face. She smiled to herself. THAT was how she'd do that. She had a boyfriend now. Alright, she USED to have a boyfriend, because it was clear to her even though there were still feelings, from his side, at least, they had broken up a very long time ago. But it was hardly an obstacle. She'd fix it, in no time. She'd have her boyfriend back, and these thoughts of Angel would be nothing but history. She'd get over it.him. She was sure now. It would be no problem.at all.*God, who am I trying to kid?*

But hard or not, she'd make it work. She would try as hard as she can, and she'd make it work. She had to.

// "Angel.do you snore?"

"I don't know, it's been a long time since anybody's been in a position to let me know." //

Buffy blinked a few times, her eyes wide. Angel. It was another flashback, and it contained Angel. Again. Angel.IN HER BEDROOM! Angel.just where Riley was lying right now. Now, something had to be wrong here.in her bedroom?! A vampire?! But.Angel. Buffy smiled, involuntarily, but she couldn't help it. She wished she could remember the rest of that night.

"Angel!" she exclaimed suddenly, and jumped from the bed, startling Riley from his sleep as she bounced over him and dashed out of the room.

She was almost panting by the time she reached the living room downstairs. But her concern and fear turned into utter astonishment, when she descried the vampire lying prone on the couch, still asleep, with the sunlight lighting his exposed pale back.

Buffy gulped, then blinked, to make sure she was seeing right. She recalled clearly how only a few seconds ago, the mere idea of the windows she had left undraped last night and Angel in the same room nearly made her heart stop, and now.

She paced closer to where he lay, not even aware of the tears that welled up in her eyes to the sight of him in the sun, and she could never guess the reason for that. She sat down on the edge of the sofa, and almost unaware of her actions, tenderly brushed her fingers over the large tattoo on his right shoulder.

Her touch instantly woke Angel up, and he stirred unexpectedly, causing Buffy to jump to her feet.

He sat up, looking at her. "I'm sorry, I scared you," he said.

She smiled feebly, looking away. "I like seeing you first thing in the morning." *Where did THAT come from?!*

Angel swallowed, and looked away for a second.

"Did I.say something wrong?" she inquired with concern.

He hastened to shake his head. "No. Nothing." He had promised himself he wouldn't push it, and it was one promise he had given regarding their relationship, and was going to keep.

Buffy eyed him. *God, he looks good.Dammit! Where do these thoughts come from?! He really looks good.* she shook her head.

"What's wrong?" now, he was the one to ask.

"Nothing," she replied, smiling, then sat down next to him on the couch. "So.the sunlight," she gestured with her hand, "feel like sharing?"

"I'm sunlight proof," Angel grinned.

"But you're a vampire."

"So I am," he acknowledged.

"So what's the deal?"

He chuckled. "The Powers that Be."

"Powers that what?" she questioned in her so typical manner.

"Powers that Be. They're what people like to call 'God'. You can call them the big guys that run everything. They granted me immunity to sunlight."

"Why?"

"To," he gulped, and took a deep breath, "to replace you."

"I don't follow," Buffy remarked in confusion.

"Frankly, neither do I.seeing you're.alive," Angel observed, thinking about it for the first time.

"You should have a talk with these Powers guys," Buffy advised. "Not that we're best buds, but they don't seem to make much sense."

"They never do." Angel replied, his gaze distant.

"Meaning?"

"I really don't like that. The Powers don't do things 'just because', and I can't imagine they didn't know you were alive. Something's going on here, and I intend on finding out what exactly it is."

"You're not going right now, are you?" the Slayer frowned slightly.

Angel eyed her for a minute, then let out a short laugh. "No, I'm not going right now. Right now.I was thinking breakfast."

"My thought exactly," Buffy grinned, then frowned. "Only.I don't have blood stored in my fridge or anything."

"I'll take care of mine later," he assured. "I was thinking, for you."

"Now, you're talking," she approved, standing up.

Angel chuckled, then stood up himself. "So.what do you have here I can use?"

"You.cook?" she asked in wonder.

"My skills are limited, but they're there. I cook for Cordelia. She seems to like it, so I guess it's eatable."

"Cordelia?"

"A friend," he explained.

"Oh. Did I.you know, know her?"

"You went to high school together."

"Great. Another one I don't remember," Buffy observed bitterly.

"You will," Angel smiled, and put his hand on her shoulder as they started towards the kitchen. "Now, let's worry about breakfast, okay?"

"Fine by me," she grinned.

"Angel?" Buffy called him from her place by the kitchen table, while he was standing in front of the stove, making scrambled eggs.

"Yeah?"

Buffy forced her eyes off of his broad muscular back, and went on with what she was planning to ask him. "Can I.ask something?"

"Sure," he smiled, turning around briefly.

"You and I were close.right?"

This time, Angel rotated the whole way. "Yes," he replied hesitantly.

"Right," Buffy noted, more to herself than him. "I get it we obviously weren't a couple. It's like, you know.vampire and Slayer, never gonna happen," she chuckled tensely, not even knowing how much she was hurting him by just saying that. "But.I'm getting the impression we were like.VERY close, right? I mean.I told you stuff."

Angel looked down briefly, to regain composure. He wasn't going to reveal his pain to her. She didn't even know he had a single reason to feel it. She didn't need more than she had to deal with already. "You did."

"Like.personal stuff?" she continued.

"Personal too," he admitted.

"That's good," the Slayer nodded. "I wanted to ask you.about Riley."

Angel felt like he'd been stabbed through the heart. "Riley," he echoed, with agony in his voice only the old Buffy would be able to detect. He didn't even want to guess her next question. But he'd promised himself he'd keep cool when that moment would come, and he'd known it would. At some point, she would ask. The fact it happened SOONER than he'd expected, well.he would deal. He wanted to help her get her life back. Naturally.Riley was a part of it. "What exactly do you want to know?"

"What.what did I tell you about him?" she didn't know how to begin.

"What do you mean?"

"What sort of relationship did we have? I mean, well.I just look at him, and I KNOW we had a very active sexual relationship."

Angel briefly closed his eyes, inwardly cursing himself for already letting too much pain leak out for her to perceive. "I suppose you did."

"But did.did I love him?" she asked.

The vampire looked at her for a long moment, without saying anything, his mind going a year back in time, to a not at all pleasant confrontation. "You did," he whispered silently.

"I did," she acknowledged, nodding her head abstractly. "Are you sure?" her head abruptly snapped up.

Angel gazed at her with confusion.

"It's a stupid question, I know, but.I just.you know, whenever I look at him," she paused, pursing her lips, "I feel nothing." *I feel for you so much more.dammit, it's wrong! Why?.* "I really feel nothing," she went on. "I mean, love isn't something you can forget. You forget images, solid memories, but you don't forget emotions." her voice died away, and due to her recent acknowledgement, both her heart and her mind finally faced the truth she'd been so dreading from as she met his soft chocolate orbs. "Oh, my God," she murmured, shaking her head. *I HAVE to work it out with Riley. I HAVE to!* she vowed inwardly. "Why did we break up?" she wanted to know.

"You never told me that," Angel admitted.

"I still.we were together for a long time though, weren't we?"

He nodded.

"The thing is.I wanna try again," she finally said the words, the exact ones that broke Angel's heart even more.

He flinched, but got a grip on himself before she could notice anything. If it was her choice.he chuckled inwardly. Many times he had pictured this situation, when she would maybe, one day, have to choose between the two of them. No, it didn't get more painful than that. It couldn't. But if that was what she wanted, he'd respect her wishes, her choice. She had the right to want what's best for her. He, for her, was nothing but a vampire now.

"Angel," her voice broke into his thoughts, and he gazed at her. She was smiling impishly. "My breakfast is burning."

Part Eleven

"Hello, princess."

Cordelia froze, then slowly rotated, still unable to believe she had truly heard HIS voice.

"Evening," he greeted her with one of his so familiar smiles, the second their eyes locked. "Or is it morning? Hard to tell, depends on the time zone. Is it yours or mine?"

"Doyle?" she gasped his name, her mouth wide open, tears she wasn't even aware of streaming down her cheeks. "Is it a dream?"

He nodded, still smiling. "Yours. We don't really have dreams there."

"Oh, God!" she flung her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder as he hugged her back. He patted her back gently, whispering meaningless words in her ear, but she didn't seem to be listening, up to the point when she abruptly pulled away. "I missed you so much," she told him, wiping her eyes.

"Missed you too, darling," he grinned, brushing a hand against her cheek as she slowly leaned into his touch. "Life isn't the same without you." He then considered his words for a second and rephrased. "Well, afterlife would be put better, but."

Cordelia smacked his arm. "Why did you do that? Why did you have to be so stupid?"

He merely smiled. "It's the good fight, Delia. Ask Angel, he'll tell you what I mean."

"Good fight my ass!" she exclaimed. "You weren't supposed to die!"

He chuckled. "You haven't changed one bit, have you? Hey, that's why I love you, darling. You and your upside-down way of looking on things. You know, if it hadn't been me, it would have been someone else," he touched her cheek tenderly. "Someone who's the closest family you've ever had."

Cordelia looked down, biting her lip, as more tears escaped her eyes.

"Hey," he raised her chin back up, "don't cry. It's good there, you know." The Irishman let out a short ironic laugh. "I though I'd be off the hook with the Powers at least in death, but I guess they had other plans for me."

She gave him a look. "And what did you think? You'd leave me the mind splitting visions without being even a little punished? Hell no!"

He laughed. "You're doing great, by the way."

"And how do you know?"

"I'm looking after you, Delia. And take it however you want, but I think I made the perfect choice trusting you with this gift."

She shifted uncomfortably, looking way. "Thanks." Then she looked up. "Well? Care to explain what you're doing in my dream?"

"Straight to the point, ha? Just as I said, still the same. I'm a messenger, from the Powers that Be."

Cordelia's eyes widened. "Is something wrong?"

He grinned. "Nothing. I'm off duty right now, though I'm not really supposed to sneak into people's dreams, but I'm making an exception."

"Are you really sure nothing is wrong?" the brunette wasn't buying it for a second. "You know, you could have made an appearance a LITTLE sooner. Say, a couple of months ago, when a certain Slayer was revived unbeknown to a certain vampire."

"Oh, that," Doyle sighed.

"Yeah, THAT."

"It wasn't the time for him to know yet, princess, just as it wasn't the time for him to know when you lied to him about your vision," he told her gently.

"I should have told him straight away."

Doyle shook his head. "Think about it. By keeping it a secret from him for a few more hours, you gifted him with a few more hours of peace."

"But maybe if I had told him I saw both him and his supposedly dead ex in my vision, he would have gone to the Oracles and asked them, and it would have been so much less of a blow."

"They wouldn't have told him. Don't you think that if the Powers that Be had thought he should know, the Oracles would have told him regardless? It wasn't time yet, Cordy. Everything has a reason, and everything has timing. Just wait, let things work out on their own. Don't push anything. Don't try to make something that isn't supposed to happen happen. And don't worry about these kids," he smiled. "They're destined to make it, and they will. A bumpy road they have, even too bumpy, nothing to argue about here, but trust me, they're gonna overcome it all so much sooner than you think."

The former cheerleader reflected upon his words for a few seconds of silence, then gazed back up into her dead friend's blue eyes. "Can I ask you something? If Buffy's not really dead, why did the Powers."

Doyle shushed her with a finger to her lips. "Patience, Delia. As I said, don't push it."

She gave him her first genuine smile. "Okay. So.why are you here? You still haven't told me."

"About a guy named Gunn. Rings a bell?" Doyle grinned.

"Gunn?" Cordelia frowned. "What about him? Is something wrong with him?"

"You tell me," he grinned again, cryptically, but Cordelia picked it up at once.

"Oh, God, I thought you were a messenger! What are you, doing Cupid sometimes to pay the rent?"

Doyle laughed. "You still have it in you, don't you? Why'd you tell the poor guy off?"

"Why wouldn't I?" she shot him a look. "What do we possibly have in common?"

"And how would you know that? You never know unless you try. You know, you blew me off more than once."

"Don't go there!" she yelled at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. "It's not fair, Doyle, don't do that!"

"Hey," he took her in his arms gently. "I didn't mean it that way," he kissed her hair briefly. "You couldn't possibly know. None of us could, that's not what I'm here to tell you. Besides, I'm not angry with you, okay? Look at me," he angled up her chin with his index finger. "I'm telling you this to keep you from repeating the same thing with that guy."

"Is he?."

"No," the Irishman smiled. "Well, we all will, eventually. That's how the world works, but.no. He's a good kid, you know. Will be too bad if you let him pass just like that."

"When did I ask you for advice about my love life?" she asked, her eyes smiling.

"I'm looking after you, remember? Right now, I'm trying to keep you from making a mistake. Hey, you two are not love from first sight. I think we both know that. But give the guy a chance. You never know how things can turn out. You're better than that, princess. You're not nearly as superficial as you're sometimes trying to feign. Cut him some slack. You know you want to," he touched her arm with a pointing beam.

Cordelia eyed him for a spell, not saying anything in response. "You think?" she finally asked.

"Sure, I do."

"You know, beats me why, but I got a strong feeling that trusting your word will get me in too much trouble," she smiled knowingly.

"We'll just have to wait and see then," Doyle smiled back.

Cordelia nodded, then looked up with a smile. "Coming from you, it doesn't make me feel a lot better. So." she pondered, "was that it? That's why you came?"

He shrugged, beaming. "Maybe. How about a last kiss for the good old days?"

"Morning!" Gunn shouted, as he walked into the lobby, where only Cordelia was sitting on a sofa, reading a magazine. "Morning, your majesty," he bowed mockingly, playfully.

She rolled her eyes and returned to her magazine.

"Good morning," Wesley joined them in the room, with Spike in tow.

"What's he still doing here?" Gunn demanded.

"Sod off," Spike flopped on the couch next to Cordelia, who remained perfectly oblivious to the vampire's presence. "I felt like staying, got a problem with that? Besides," he shrugged, "you need me."

The brunette made her first sign of actual interest by putting down the journal and looking at the blond vampire. "You'd better make that interesting," she commented.

"Simple," he grinned. "I'm the only one with a car."

"And?" she urged him to go on, seemingly not impressed.

"And how were you going to get your asses to Sunnydale, exactly? By bus?"

"Who said we were going to Sunnydale?"

"Oh, I'm going," Spike told her, leaning back on the sofa and folding his arms on his chest. "You can stay, for all I care."

Cordelia nodded, grinning slightly. She knew, just as Spike did, that there was no way Angel would be left alone by them this time. "When do you want us to go?"

"Sunset, when else?" Spike grumbled, trying to appear far more annoyed than he really was, in a dull attempt to maintain the bad boy image. "Do you want me to burst into flames?"

She gave him a look. "Don't make me get my hopes high."

He smirked, then stood up. "Don't know about you, but I had a busy night."

"What's he talking about?" Gunn cut in, his face saying the one thing that was on his mind that Cordelia could read distinctly.

The vampire rolled his eyes and disappeared up the stairs.

"He can't bite," she told her friend, waving her hand and grinning slightly.

"Hey, shut up about that!" they all heard Spike's growl from the second floor.

"Or what, you'll talk me to death?" she yelled back, teasing. "He's touchy whenever it comes up," she whispered, still grinning.

"I said, shut up!"

Cordelia waved her hand, returning to her magazine. Wesley had left the room a while ago, and now there were only Gunn and she.

"So, when are you guys leaving?" he asked.

"We?" she looked up from the page she'd ostensibly been reading, while her mind was in reality processing a way to get back to the date topic.

"What do you mean?" Gunn didn't understand.

"I thought you were coming with us?" she prompted. "What, you can't leave the guys without observation for a few days? I'm guessing Angel needs you just as much as he needs Wesley and me."

"I guess." the African American shrugged, musing. "Yeah, they'll do fine, I guess. For a few days."

"Remember what you asked me yesterday?" Cordelia interrupted him, also taking her time to grasp she had truly let these words out of her mouth.

"What was that?" he didn't follow.

"You asked me out."

"Oh, that."

"You don't remember?" she quirked a brow, but then just smiled, somewhat timidly. "Can I still change my mind?"

Gunn frowned. "Is THAT a joke?"

"THAT isn't the answer I was looking forward to hear," she observed, a bit grimly.

"Consider us even, then," he grinned.

She returned him an equal smile. "I was serious."

"So, your answer is yes?"

"Could you PLEASE not make it sound like we're getting married?" she sighed.

"What made you change your mind all of a sudden?" he wanted to know.

She smiled, looking back at her journal. "A good friend."

Part Twelve

"What are you doing here?" a male voice made Angel revolve. He was standing face to face with Riley.

"Getting my stuff out of the car, as you can see without needing to ask. Are you spying on me now? Thought I was leaving?"

Riley only smirked. He certainly hoped so.

"You won't get rid of me that easily, I assure you," Angel said, closing the trunk of the car after retrieving a black traveling bag from it.

*I won't ever get rid of you AT ALL,* Riley mused to himself.

"Since you're already here, we need to talk," the vampire told him, approaching closer.

"This should be interesting," the blond folded his arms on his chest, grinning slightly. "What can we possibly have to talk about?"

"I think you know that," Angel said, "and cut the act, because it's impressing absolutely no one."

Riley's expression sobered. "What do you want?"

Angel sighed, and sat down on the front stairs of the house. Riley remained standing as for now. "Buffy talked to me this morning," he told the other man.

"No wonder. It's not like there's anyone else she opens up to." Riley kicked himself inwardly straight after these words left his lips. He mustn't disclose that much vulnerability in front of that vampire if he ever wanted to get his will.

It didn't seem to change Angel's expression at all, however.

Riley sighed. "What did she say, and how does it concern me?"

"She talked about you," Angel said, while his outer aspect was calm, inwardly he was fighting against a threatening to surface agony.

"What'd she say?" Riley started to show interest.

"She asked me about your relationship. What kind did you have, did she love you? Those kind of questions. "

The blond chuckled. "Oh, I bet you enjoyed every minute of it."

"I told her the truth," Angel said, looking down. "I told her ONLY the truth."

The other man gazed carefully at the vampire. "Mind if you share some of that truth with me, then?"

"As I said," Angel asserted, not willing to drag it more than was absolutely necessary, "I told the truth."

"Fine. So?"

"She," he took an unnecessary deep breath, "she wants to try it again."

"Wants to try what again?"

"Your relationship. She wants to find out whatever made you two break up, and she wants to fix it. She wants a fresh start."

Riley eyed him for a spell. No, it was just too good and too simple to be true.

"I'm not lying to you," Angel read his mind, "I would never lie about something like that."

Riley considered it. He really wouldn't. But still, there must be a catch. Somewhere, there must be a catch. It was too good to be true. It appeared he didn't even have to work to achieve his own goal. "I find it a little strange you didn't try to thwart her," he observed.

"And I won't," Angel promised him. "She has way more than enough to deal with right now. The last thing she needs is two men fighting over her. She had the choice in her hands, and she made it." *She could have just as easily picked me.*

*Damn him and his nobility!* "How can she want something like that? She doesn't even remember me."

"Maybe she wants stability. She wants something stable to hold on to."

"Then why not you?"

Angel chuckled bitterly. It hurt him so much more than it was funny. "She can't get past the fact I'm a vampire. She'll never see me as a love interest. You, however, was presented to her as her ex-boyfriend. She KNOWS you two were involved. She's looking for someone to trust, someone to be there for her, to run to for comfort."

Riley just wasn't able to hold it in any further. "And you're saying she picked me? For that?"

"You were her boyfriend."

"So what?! You tell me you told her the God damned truth about our relationship, but you don't know a darn thing about it!"

"I know she trusted you. I know she loved you."

"Trusted me?!" he laughed shortly. "LOVED me?! What a fucking joke is this?!"

"She told me so herself when."

"When what?! Let me guess, wait. When you had a fight? When she wanted to shove in your face she found someone else, someone seemingly better than you?! God, how blind are you? She didn't trust me. She never ONCE trusted me with ANYTHING. She didn't even feel close enough to come to me and cry in my arms while her mother was dying, and you wanna talk about trust? She NEVER loved me! Do you hear me, dammit?! She never loved me! Never." Riley sat down too, defeated. "Not once had she told me she loved me before we broke up, and not even then. Not once. I would give the world for her. I sometimes loved her so much it nearly drove me over the edge, and not once had she said those words to me. She never loved me," he gazed at the vampire, who was visibly astounded by that tiny revelation, "do you hear? Never. You won." Riley chuckled. "Hell, you won without even playing. You had her the entire time. You had her, and no one else ever stood a chance to get in, no one but you. You had her heart, and her soul.you had her love, ALL the time, while I was all but driving my head into the wall to have at least a small bit of it. It was yours. SHE was yours. She still is, and once she comes to her senses, she'll realize that too."

Angel just peered at him for a long while, then spoke again. "Whatever happens, happens. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Right now, what I want is her ultimate best, and this best is currently you, because despite everything you say, you're the one she seems to really want now. So," he sighed, "I'll be backing off, for now, and leave her in change of the situation. Memories or no memories, she CAN and WILL decide what SHE wants. But hear this, and you better take in every breath that leaves my lips now," he beheld Riley gravelly. "I'm not gonna walk away, not completely. I'll be your shadow, Riley, in ways you can't even imagine. I'll know EVERYTHING that will be going on, and you know I'm not lying. If you hurt her, A LITTLE, EVER AT ALL, you'd better leave town LONG before than happens. If one tear escapes her eye because of you, by God, I don't envy you. What you have now is the dearest thing in this world to me, you DON'T want to defy me, believe me."

Riley beheld him. "You don't get it, do you?" he laughed sadly. "Even if you wanted to, even if you tried, you NEVER left. You were in the same God damned bed with us at nights. Do you know that she never referred to it as making love? Never. It was sex to her, that's all it was. The utmost intimacy between a man and a woman, and it always meant less than it should have, never enough, merely cuz it wasn't you. You don't have the first clue about just how much I hate you. And what do you think now? That you can just barge in here, with your fucked up nobility and 'give her up'? What, you think you're doing me some kind of a favor?"

"Get this into your head," Angel hissed, "once and for all, this is NOT for you, do you understand me? YOU were never even considered here. It's about her, and for her. SHE wants, and she'll have what she wants. If that means putting you in the picture, so be it. Don't make me regret it, Riley. I don't want to upset her, but you're very close to leaving me no choice."

"I wish you were dead," Riley muttered under his breath.

"That's all?" Angel chuckled. "Well, your wish, in fact, came true almost three centuries ago, so congratulations."

"You're enjoying this," Riley observed.

"Enjoying this," Angel echoed. "The only woman I love choosing someone else over me. Enjoying this? Hell, no, it's an understatement. I'm thrilled."

Someone cleared their throat behind them, and both men turned around at once. It was Dawn. Both of them instantly wondered just how much of their conversation had she heard.

"Dawn," Angel spoke first, "what.what are you."

"Doing here?" the girl completed him with a small smile. "I wasn't eavesdropping, I swear," she held up her right hand. "Buffy told me you'd be here, she said you went to get your bag from the car," her eyes briefly wandered towards said bag.

Angel instantly started to worry. "What is it? Is something wrong with her?"

"Not.really," Dawn bit her lip, casting her eyes to the earth. "I think she had another flashback, but she wouldn't tell me about it, but anyway, it's not important."

"According to what scale would that be?" Riley inquired.

Buffy's little sister flashed him a look, inwardly recalling why she'd never really liked Buffy's rebound guy, and gazed back at the one, and not that she considered herself a big love-expert, who should have never left her sister in the first place. "Ummm.Willow, Anya and Xander are here."

Angel opened his mouth to say something, but at the last second seemed to have changed his mind. He'd better pull himself together for that one. He rose to his feet and grabbed his bag again, heading into the house. "You better make it right this time, Riley," he gave out a final warning.

Part Thirteen

"Angel."

The faces of Xander, Anya and Willow turned to the shirtless vampire who'd just entered the room, carrying a duffel bag, the second Buffy uttered his name. Xander and Willow stood up, intending to speak, while Anya remained sitting, with her eyes fixed to the floor.

Angel gazed at them shortly, then without a word went upstairs.

Both childhood friends sat back down stiffly, not even looking at each other.

"You know, he has every right to do that to you," Xander's fianc? pointed out.

"To US?" the brown haired man arched a brow at her.

"Oh, please," she dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "I met him like what? Twice? Once at the funeral and once when he showed up in Sunnydale that time when." she got off the subject when Willow shushed her with a look. "Anyway, you were the ones he trusted, so you're in a much bigger trouble than I am," she grinned.

Both of them had to acknowledge the truth in her words.

"That's why I love her," Xander smirked, putting an arm around Anya, "she knows just the perfect ways to kick me full force in the right intervention."

"I agree with her," Buffy remarked, glancing at the former demon. "I can't believe people who claimed to be my best friends did something like that. Truth is, I don't think I can ever forgive you for that. What gave you the right? Who on earth made you judge over who of the people who were so close to me had the right to know that I was alive? How could you do something like that to a person? If it were you in his place, could you even imagine." she stopped talking once a gentle cool hand lay on her shoulder. She gazed up, right into Angel's eyes. He squeezed her shoulder, giving her a half smile, then occupied the empty spot next to her. His piercing eyes gazed wordlessly at the three people before him, until Willow was the first who started to speak.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't bother," he interrupted her curtly. "You don't mean it. In fact, neither of you do, other than you maybe," he gesticulated with his head at Anya, "considering you didn't have much say at the matter, as far as I'm guessing. About you two," he was now talking to Willow and Xander, "you can skip the apologies. It's not something you can do and then work out with an 'I'm, sorry'. It's something you don't do. Period. And just so you know, you disappointed me, especially you," he addressed to the redhead, "but in the long run, you disappointed yourselves even more."

Willow looked down.

"I never said I was sorry," Xander remarked, meeting eyes with the vampire.

Angel paid him back with a smile, the last thing the man had expected. "Oh, I'm sure you aren't. Not yet, at least. I bet it even was your idea to begin with, wasn't it?" the look on Xander's face proved him right and he went on. "We were never best friends, Xander, but you know what? I sort of hoped you'd grow up at some point. Guess I was wrong. Well, congratulations, it's one more thing you can add to your long list of accomplishments. If not for the Powers that Be, I would have never found out at all." A shudder ran through his bones to the mere thought of that and his hand subconsciously lay on the small one next to it, and he was only too grateful for that she didn't flinch.

"Angel," Willow tried to talk, but couldn't straightly look at the vampire, "we really thought it was for the best when we did it. We did it for HER best."

"You might as well start there," Angel retorted, "in your eyes, HER best was always leaving me out of the picture, which you did. But as I said, I expected at least you to show some more sympathy. You didn't have to like me, Willow. I get it I'm not the perfect solid human boyfriend you want for her, but I thought you'd understand how I feel. I see I overestimated you. I'M sorry."

"So, what, is that how you're gonna be like from now on? The entire world has done you wrong?" Xander asked.

"Not the entire world," Angel answered, "just the people I trusted. And I'll BE the way I want, if it's no trouble with you. And Xander," he gave the man a stern look, "you of all, don't push me. Maybe I'll feel like making visitation rights the only way to see her. It wouldn't equal what you did to me, but it'll be a start." He lingeringly and unequivocally gazed at the brown haired man.

Xander leaned back on the couch, saying nothing.

Angel did the same, and looked at Willow. "I'm guessing you saw Giles." It was a statement more than anything else.

The redhead nodded.

"Did he tell you everything?"

"Speaking of which," Xander interrupted his friend, who wanted to answer, "you actually think that we'll let you do this?"

"LET ME do what?"

"You think you're going to barge in on our lives and change everything the way you see fit? Change BUFFY'S life the way you see fit?"

"I can speak for myself, Xander, thank you," the Slayer replied, "and if I want it, that's what is gonna be."

"Buff," Xander endeavored to pick his words carefully, "how can you know that? How can you decide something like that? You don't even remember him."

"Well, you have a little surprise coming up your way, Xan," the blonde grinned. "In case Giles hasn't told you."

"He has," Willow confirmed. "He told us you remembered Angel's name, and he also told us you intended to stake him when you first saw him, thinking he was a vampire, but you couldn't."

"True," Buffy nodded, this time her hand was the one to cover Angel's, also instinctively. "But that's not all."

"Not all?" Xander inquired, clearly not understanding what she meant by that.

"Since Angel's been back in my life, I've been having flashbacks, not something serious, sure, just bits and pieces, but it's still something. And I've been having these flashbacks every few hours. I'd say it's a good turn, wouldn't you?" she asked her friends.

"What.what are they about?" Willow inquired.

Buffy glanced at Angel, then back at her friend. "Us. The two of us."

The witch nodded, a feeble smile flickering across her lips. "I thought it would be. Angel, I'm sorry," she bit her lower lip to forestall tears as she gazed at the vampire. "I'm sorry. And.you were right," she told the blonde Slayer.

"About what?" Buffy inquired.

"You told me.yesterday, that you maybe needed something to trigger your memories. I think we now know what that something is," she glanced at Angel, offering a weak apologetic smile. "Angel, please, I'm sorry. I know it's unforgivable, and you're right too. One of the reasons why I didn't tell you was because you really weren't the normal human boyfriend I wanted for Buffy. It was selfish, I admit it. I didn't think of her best when I agreed to keep you in the dark, because if I had, I would have never agreed in the first place. I know you'll never be able to forgive me, I don't think I would be able to if I were you, but please.at least try." Her eyes gazed at him pleadingly.

Angel returned her a gaze of mixed emotions. Unlike Xander, who was visibly ashamed of what he'd done, but would never admit it, Willow was genuinely sorry. She had been, of course, perfectly aware of the fact she had been doing wrong when hiding Buffy's existence from him, and she wasn't trying to make excuses for her actions, or to come up with justifications. He also knew that it took him a very long time to classify a person as trustworthy, and once that person would break that trust, it would take him even longer to trust that person anew. Willow had lost his trust. So had Giles, and so had Xander. But Giles' actions could somehow, albeit, never completely, be justified, due to what Angelus had once done to him. Xander.well, Angel wasn't nearly as surprised as he had thought he would be. The man had never seen him as a friend, had merely tolerated him because of his close relationship with Buffy. But Willow.she had broken his trust the most, which was why it hurt the most. But that was also why, especially with Willow, he was ready to work it out, at least, he would in the end. They had a long way to go until she would have his complete trust again, but Angel had a strong feeling she eventually would. He offered her a weak half-smile, that never reached his eyes, but it was a start, better than nothing at all. And Willow inwardly was grateful for that, knowing it was more than she deserved at the moment.

"So, does that mean what I think it means?" Xander spoke again.

"What are you talking about?" Angel questioned.

"He wants to know if you're together," Anya elucidated.

Buffy and Angel exchanged a look. He was uncomfortable and rapidly looked down. She was puzzled.

Willow gazed at the vampire, then at the Slayer. "You didn't tell her," she stated gently.

Buffy was still thrown. "Didn't tell me what? What are you all talking about? And how can we possibly be together, he's a." for the first time ever, she couldn't let the word out once her eyes lay on Angel's. "I don't understand," she said, gazing at the people around her. Suddenly, a memory from last night hit her. *I loved her.* She turned to look at Angel again, who was doing everything in his power not to meet her eyes.

"Leave us alone, please," she was referring to Willow, Xander and Anya. And within a second, the three were gone. "Now, tell me," she peered at Angel expectantly.

Part Fourteen

"Tell me, Angel," Buffy gently reminded him he had a little story to tell her, after both of them had been sitting in silence for a few minutes.

He sighed. "Where do you want me to start?"

Buffy smirked. "Oh, after hiding it from me so successfully, I'm sure you can think of something."

"You're angry," he observed with a nod.

"Damn right I am!" she lowered her voice back to normal in the last minute, getting a grip over her emotions. It was just too much. Now, it wasn't only the fact she was feeling something that's forbidden to the core, but these feelings were also returned. If that's not enough, they had been once put into action, forming a real relationship. A lasting and a very powerful one too, Buffy didn't need to be a brain to figure that out even before Angel started to speak. They wouldn't have tried to hide it from her if it had been nothing more than a fling. She was too deep in it, and it was way too late to get out, and nothing threw her more. What was she supposed to do now? What would she be expected to do after he told her everything? How could she look at him, talk to him, be in the same room with him?!.

"I'm sorry," she heard him whisper, and looked up into his soft eyes.

*I could drown in your eyes, do you even know that?. Yeah,* she smiled slightly, *you probably do.* "I have a strange feeling you tend to say that a lot, especially to me," she grinned, in an attempt to break the ice she herself had created a few minutes ago.

He chuckled, jittery, rubbing his rear with his hand as he briefly cast his eyes to the floor.

"How did we meet?"

His head snapped up.

"No, wait! Scratch that," she made a gesture with her hand. "Why didn't you just come up and tell me? Why was it okay for me to know Riley and I were involved, but it was wrong to know you and I were as well? And by the way, which one of you came first?"

"I came first."

"Somehow, I knew that."

"What was I supposed to do, Buffy?" he asked her, honestly. "When you first saw me, what you wanted to do was stake me. Just dust me like I was nothing to you."

"I said I was sorry," she reminded him, her tender and apologetic gaze fortifying her words. "I'm sorry. I would never."

"I know that now," he assured her, "because I know what happened.to you. But when you attacked me, I didn't know anything. I didn't even know." he closed his eyes, covering his face with his hands for a moment, drawing in a deep breath to collect himself.

A moment later, he felt her arms around him, as she pulled him into her solacing embrace. He let go of his face, and hugged her to him, laying his head on her shoulder and closing his eyes.

"You can't even begin to imagine how much I missed you all these months," he murmured, his voice muffled by the fabric of her shirt. "People normally describe it like.a part of them missing, but.it was so much worse than that. It was as if my entire being was gone." He drew back from her embrace, and her arms abruptly felt strangely empty without him in them. He fitted in them just TOO perfectly. Buffy's eyes moved up to meet his, and they seemed to be smiling, even though his lips weren't curved in any kind of a smile, and the tears in his eyes, that both of them knew he wouldn't shed just yet, were too apparent to her eye.

"You were everything to me," he reposed his hand on her cheek, and she leaned into his touch, to some extent unwillingly. A part of her still couldn't get past the fact he was a vampire. These feelings that were warming her from the inside, filling her, making her whole again, these feelings were corrupt. They were wrong, and they mustn't exist. And yet, there was no force in the universe that could ever make her remove his hand from her cheek, conversely, she drew closer, covering it with her own palm.

"You were my entire world," he went on, his eyes never leaving hers, up to a point she found herself dreading they ever would. "Even though we were apart for over two years, you have always been the sunshine that lit the darkness of my life. In so many ways, you made me what I am today, the MAN I am today. I won't lie to you. I won't tell you fairytales about our happy and perfect relationship, because we never knew what it was. No, our lives, our relationship, were so much everything BUT funny, that it started to appear as the world's cruelest irony in my eyes. I'm two-hundred-and-forty-eight years old." He flashed her a smile as a response to the astonishment on her face. "Sounds like it's a lot. Still.you were the only one, the only woman, I ever loved. EVER. I didn't know what love really was until I found you. You brought meaning to my life, so much more than you would ever know. You opened your arms for me, and accepted me, and loved me, when not a single being in this world wanted to be anywhere near me. When you were taken from me.I lost everything I had."

"I'm sorry," the Slayer looked down, and took his hand from her face, clasping it tightly between her two smaller ones and holding it in her lap. "I don't really know what to say." *How about starting with I love you too?.NO! God, I can't do this. What am I doing here?! He's a vampire! Since when do I hunt them and get in bed with them at the same time?! Oh, God.this is wrong. This is.PLAIN wrong.* She averted her eyes, somehow knowing he would descry her inner commotion if he only glanced into them once.

"I'm sorry," she heard him mutter after a while.

"Why are YOU sorry? It's not like you tried to kill ME. Last time I was there, it was sort of the other way around. I jumped you with a stake in my hand, remember?"

To her surprise, Angel merely let out a strained laugh. "I promised myself.I SWORE I wouldn't do this."

"Wouldn't do what?"

"The last thing I wanted was to hale you into this emotional turmoil when you're baffled and thrown more than enough without my help, and I did exactly that. I really shouldn't have opened my mouth." *But having you so near to me. No,* he shook his head, *she's not mine,* he reminded himself, *not mine anymore.*

"If it was anyone's fault, Angel, it was mine," Buffy promised him, clasping his hand. "I asked you to tell me. So, please, let me deal with the repercussions myself."

Angel nodded. "I'll try," he swallowed, "I'll try to help you. I'll do the best I can right now. It might not be enough."

"ANYTHING would be enough," she grinned. "Tell me. So.where did we meet, and.how?"

He laughed. "You don't waste any time, do you?"

She shook her head, adding a small smile.

"It was kinda funny, actually," Angel admitted, thinking back to that night of years ago in the dark alley behind the Bronze.

"How come?" Buffy prompted, changing her sitting position by drawing her legs to her chest and embracing them, resting her chin on her knees, ready to listen.

"You knocked me on my back. You thought I was stalking you."

The Slayer sniggered, then peered at him for a moment. "Something tells me you were."

Angel grinned, looking down. "It really wasn't the point."

"I knew I was right," she shrugged, not letting him finish the sentence.

"Yeah, well.then I stalked you some more.and then a few more months."

"Is that it?" she frowned. "Is that like the big bad everyone, including you, has been trying to protect me from the last few months? Come on, you don't really expect me to fall for that, do you? You gotta try better than that. I will remember it in the end, you know, and if you keep that up, I'll remember you as a liar," she discussed, grinning. Inwardly, her mind was reeling from confusion she could only hope she had managed to keep concealed from those piercing brown eyes. She'd been striving not to allow the interests and the thirst for knowledge to overthrow her Slayer's guard, and yet, it did faster than she noticed. She hadn't even blinked, and abruptly nothing existed for her other than the vampire in front of her and every breath coming out of his mouth. Vampire. She forced herself to never forget what he was. A part of her wondered how could she have ever fallen for him, been with him. The Slayer in her couldn't reconcile with the fact she had obviously allowed him touch her, kiss her.while the woman in her wanted him to do those exact same things right now. Her eyes fell subconsciously on his hands, that were resting on his knees, and she pondered how it must have felt, having those very hands caressing every inch of her naked body. She closed her eyes, trying to make her thoughts take the form of memories.and a slight chill tingled through her inside consorted with a caress of gentle cool hands.COOL hands. Buffy shook these memories out of her head. She wasn't even sure these were memories. They couldn't have been. He couldn't have ever touched her.

*And since when have you become a nun?!* she ridiculed herself. Buffy looked up slowly, staring right into the chocolate eyes that frightened her so much, even if only because she could never face them. He never touched her. THAT was a good one. She had only just fully acknowledged what a torture it was to spend five minutes in the same room with him and not touch him, vampire or not. *NO!* the Slayer in her took charge again, and Buffy rapidly cast down her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Angel asked, the tone of his voice so soft and worried she found herself starting to hate it.

Buffy took a deep breath and shook her head again, to clear it from every possible thought. She suddenly longed for the days when she remembered absolutely nothing. When there weren't 'good' vampires that were madly in love with her, so much they would die for her, who she loved back just as.*NO. You're NOT in love with him!* she kept telling herself. *You have a boyfriend, love your boyfriend!*

"Buffy?" Angel's voice sounded again, piercing through her quandary like a refreshing breeze. He lay a hand on her shoulder, but it only made her dart away from him. He frowned at first, then opened his mouth to say something, then changed his mind. He gulped, as her eyes bore into his, flustered, pained. Pain. The source of which he couldn't guess even if he tried real hard.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, moving as far from him as the couch they were sitting on allowed. When there was nowhere to move, she stood, up. "I can't do this," she said. "I'm sorry."

And a second later, Angel was left alone in the living room.

Part Fifteen

"Buffy," Giles let out the name, after a long hesitation, still staring at the blonde Slayer standing on his doorstep. "I was expecting you," he said, after he had completely recovered from the abrupt tension, "both you and Angel, in fact."

"If I were you, I wouldn't be expecting neither me nor Angel," she retorted, as she walked past him into his apartment, where in the living room, she found Anya, Willow and Xander.

"I take it he's not going to arrive after all," her former Watcher observed, as he tailed her into the room.

She occupied an empty seat, not seeing the need to reply to his question. "Last time I checked I wasn't exactly his secretary," she muttered.

"I see," Giles observed, sitting down himself, seeing the Slayer was obviously very disturbed by something. His first guess, naturally, was that something momentous had transpired between her and Angel.

Buffy gazed up at him, her grave orbs bewildered, and somewhat irate. "You," she gazed around the room, "all of you, broke his trust. You betrayed him, and guess what, you betrayed me too. I maybe don't really remember you, which is why I can't be nearly as upset over this as he is, but he can. If I were you, I'd start looking out for ways to regain that trust, cuz what you did to him can never pass for 'I'm sorry'. It doesn't cut it. If he doesn't want anything to do with you, you should first and foremost blame yourselves." She paused, to observe their reaction, and was inwardly satisfied with the fact they obviously had been attentive to her words. "As for me.I trusted you. When I knew nothing and no one, you came to me, and you offered me a straw to grasp at. You offered me friendship. You betrayed that friendship. You didn't just.betray it, you.you HAVE BEEN intriguing behind my back ever since I can recall. If that's the kind of relationship we used to have.before." she sniggered, "boy, who needs enemies then?"

Willow flinched at her words. "We're sorry," she repeated the words she had earlier said to Angel, the words the Slayer had made clear wouldn't make a difference.

Buffy shrugged in response. "You, maybe. For him, for instance," she gestured towards Xander, "I wouldn't speak. So, what's your case?" she asked him. "You seem to hate him a great enough deal. He seems to be in the good guys' camp. What's the what?"

The dark haired man lowered his eyes to the floor. He REALLY didn't want to go into that. And moreover, once he pondered over it again and again, he couldn't himself put his finger on the reason to why he hated Angel.

"Tell me one thing," Anya spoke, coming to his rescue without even knowing. "You hate us, did I get it right? What're you doing here?"

Buffy peered at the ex-demon for a spell, then sighed. "I need help. I had no one else to turn to."

Giles was instantly tuned in. He adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "What kind of help?"

"I need you to answer some questions."

"Buffy, you know that we can't." Willow attempted.

"Stop," the blonde held up her hand. "Somehow, Angel does find the way to tell me things about my past, so if you try real hard, I think you can too."

"Then why didn't you just ask Angel?" Xander wanted to know.

All eyes turned to her.

She looked down. "We.fought."

"Fought?" Giles frowned. "I beg your pardon?"

"Well.we didn't.exactly, but.we were pretty close, I think.alright," she gave in. "I did ask him. I asked him about our relationship, about our past."

"And what happened?" Willow prompted gently.

Buffy turned to look at her and swallowed hard before speaking. "He described his emotions. I think he didn't even mean to, it just.came out. I think he just held it in for too long, and now." she inhaled a deep breath. "I.while I was listening to him speak, I.I felt the same. His emotions, his feelings.his love.they all reflected in me, equally."

Everyone nodded in silent acknowledgement. They all knew it was a matter of time.

"I couldn't handle it," Buffy went on. "I just ran away. I couldn't deal with all those things he was telling me, because." she inhaled, "I wasn't ready, I'm STILL not ready, to feel them. It's.it's wrong."

"Wrong?" Willow frowned.

Surprising himself, Xander wasn't at all elated by her statement. Three years ago.ONE year ago, it would have made his day. But now. He shifted uncomfortably on the couch.

His fianc?e just sat quietly, having nothing to contribute to the conversation at that point. After all, she herself had never witnessed the Buffy and Angel romance first hand.

"Buffy," Giles cleared his throat. "It is something between you and Angel. If you ask me, it should stay that way. You will sort it out."

"I don't wanna sort anything out!" the Slayer interrupted him. "I want to get it out. Out of my life! He hasn't been here for twenty-four hours, and I already feel like my life will never be the same again. I can't let this happen," there were almost tears in her eyes by that time. "I can't.I love him," she whispered helplessly, her voice weak and desperate. "I love him," she repeated the words, inwardly acknowledging how hard and at the same time easy, it was to utter them. "I love him so much.and I can't. He's a vampire. I'm the Slayer. Even if I weren't the Slayer, I.I can't. It isn't right. I just.I wish I could tell him to just leave. I wish he would go away, and.a part of me can't let him. I can't let him go away, because if I do, I will be alone. Without him.I feel alone." She silenced, casting her defeated eyes on her hands in her lap. "I need to put an end to it," she whispered, seemingly to herself, because the people around her needed to put an effort into picking up her words, "but I don't know how."

"How can any of us help you with something like that?" Willow inquired hesitantly, after a long silence.

Buffy gazed up at her. "Tell me about Riley."

"Riley?" the witch's green eyes widened in astonishment. THAT, she hadn't expected to hear.

Buffy nodded. "I know that.that if I make it right with Riley, if I get us back together, I'll get Angel out of my head.and heart."

"Been there, done that, didn't work," Xander muttered under his breath.

Willow turned to him sharply, glaring, as Anya nudged him in the gut.

"What?" the Slayer questioned.

"Nothing," he shook his head, looking away from her, "just me opening my big mouth when it should be shut."

"And aren't we used to that by now?" Anya rolled her eyes at him.

Buffy eyed him for a moment longer, before letting the subject drop. "Tell me about him," she addressed her request to everyone in the room. "Tell me about Riley. Please."

"You had sex," Anya said naturally, as the heads of Giles, Xander and Willow snapped up and turned to her, but she pretended to be oblivious to their reaction. "You had lots of sex," she told Buffy, shrugging, "that's pretty much it."

"That's it?" the blonde gazed at her with confusion.

The former demon shrugged again, not saying anything. But no one else said anything either.

"Angel said.he said I loved him," Buffy told them.

Willow looked at her. "Angel said that?"

The Slayer nodded.

"Wow, Dead Boy really seems to be getting more and more into his 'killing me slowly' mode," Xander observed, then looked up at his high school friend. He couldn't believe he was going to actually say this, but. "You didn't love him, Buff. You never did."

Buffy seemed to be dumbfounded by that statement, despite the fact that in her heart she had known all along Angel had lied.

Xander went on. "It's a lot more believable that you maybe once told Angel you loved him, cuz you were angry, or I don't know why, but trust me with this, you never loved the guy. You probably noticed by now I'm not exactly a member of the 'Angel fan club', but even I can tell you that, so.believe me."

Buffy gazed at the redhead for confirmation.

Willow nodded. "I was your best friend, Buffy. If you had loved Riley, you would have told me. You never even implied that you did."

"So." Buffy glanced at Anya, "Anya was right. It was just sex?"

"You had.some good times.I guess," Willow said. "You were together for over a year, so chances are it was more than just sex, as you and Anya tend to so gently put it," she glanced between the two other women. "There were feelings, Buffy. There had to be."

"But I never loved him?"

The witch shook her head at that, chewing on her lower lip.

The Slayer nodded. "Then, I'll have to learn how to." With that, she stood up, and without saying anything else, walked out of the room, and the apartment.

She could think of only one way to be 'close' to Riley again. According to what her friends had told her, it had been a very substantial, maybe even the most substantial, aspect in their relationship. If anything had a chance to work, as far as she was concerned, that was it.

Something told her she wouldn't hear him complaining.

Part Sixteen

"Where do you think she went?" Willow asked everyone a while after Buffy had left Giles' apartment.

"Gee, Will, let's all think long and hard and then MAYBE we'll come up with something," Xander retorted sarcastically, driven more by stress than anger.

"There's no need to be obnoxious, Xander," Willow remarked. "And besides, I don't think Buffy would do something that rash."

"Oh, please!" Anya exclaimed. "She and soldier-boy are gonna pick it up exactly where they left of. There's always been only one way for the happy couple to solve problems, okay?" she eyed the witch, to see how it would affect her, then smiled slyly. "And anyway, it's still me here, don't get the wrong idea, but right now, even I think it's not the solution." She shrugged.

"Are you REALLY sure it's you saying that?" her fiance quipped, receiving an instantly following nudge in the gut.

"Everyone, please," Giles stepped into the conversation. "Both Buffy and Riley are adults. It's their lives and they know what they're doing. Riley is an intelligent and responsible man. He will not take advantage."

"Ah, ah," Anya shook her head and her hand concurrently, indicating on disapproval. "No. Let's make one thing clear here, shall we? Riley is a man, okay? Being a vengeance demon for over a thousand years, I've assembled SOME experience with his species, so let me tell you something about them. Sex is the first, sometimes also the only thing on an average man's mind, which is why throughout the centuries women have been using it to manipulate men. A man is an.object, the woman uses to satisfy sexual desires and reproduce."

"Honey," Xander touched her arm, cutting off her speech. "When you're done with humiliating my kind, can you please get to the point you're trying to make, if there's one?"

She groaned. "Alright. My point is," she looked at the former Watcher, "your responsible and mature GI Joe is probably in Buffy's bed as we speak. He won't think twice before hopping in, mind my word. In fact, chances are he won't even see that as taking advantage of her situation. Like every other man would do in his place, he'll seize the day."

"Thank you, darling," Xander grinned, putting one arm around his fiancee's shoulders, as she beamed with gratification.

Giles could only stare at her, still absorbing everything she had said within the last couple of minutes.

Willow couldn't help but slightly giggle at the concurrently happy and desperate expression of her childhood friend.

All of their heads snapped up when the door to Giles' apartment was opened again and a second later, Spike appeared in the small lounge.

Just when Xander was about to greet him with a wisecrack and Giles was about to berate him for barging in without knocking first, their mouths dropped open when the entire LA team immerged after the vampire.

Giles was the first to be able to speak. He cleared his throat, standing up awkwardly. "Ahm.Cordelia, Wesley," he nodded at the two. "I don't believe we've met," he stretched out his hand for Gunn. "Rupert Giles."

The other man peered at him for a spell with cold eyes, then omitted the offered hand. "Gunn," he introduced himself.

"Cordy," Xander contrived a grin. "Long time no see, my friend. How's life?"

She glared at him, not saying anything.

"Aha," Xander acknowledged tensely. "So, to whom do we owe the honor of having the entire Dead Boy team here in our little town?" he flashed a barely perceptible glare at the bleached vampire, who had been standing leaning against a wall, a smug leer on his face.

"My plan. You got me there," Spike retorted. "I warned you, mate - all of you - so don't look so surprised. In answer to
your rather unsubtle question...no. I didn't send Soul Boy here; I was too late. Did give his friends a ride though," he beamed.

Xander only glared at him, so did Anya.

Willow was sitting quietly, her eyes fixed on the floor beneath her feet.

"Where's Angel?" Cordelia demanded, without wasting any time.

"Cordelia," Giles turned to her. "We weren't expecting you here, to be honest, is anything."

"DON'T talk to me!" she snapped, averting her eyes in a blunt 'I don't wanna hear whatever you have to say' fashion. "I asked you a question, I want an answer. Tell me where Angel is. I don't wanna hear anything else. Not from you," she looked at Giles, "and certainly not from either of you," she looked at Willow, Xander and Anya.

"Oh, and the bitch is officially back, starting now," Xander smirked.

"Shut up," Gunn warned him.

Xander quirked a brow glancing between him and Cordelia. "I figured you'd have grown out of that attitude by now, Cordy. It's been a while since high school, you know."

The brunette turned to him. "Did I say you could speak?" she asked sarcastically. Xander shook his head, speechlessly. "So don't. Or you'll personally feel just how much I DIDN'T grow out of it. I always hoped you'd grow out of being...you, Harris. Guess we're both disappointed." She eyed him for a minute longer, then shook her head. "I can't believe I ever thought you actually could change," she grimaced. "Scratch that. I can't believe I'm breathing the same air with you."

"Hey, that's." Anya started to defend her fiance.

"Anya," she was surprisingly cut off by Willow. "For once, just don't say anything. Okay?"

"Sucking up won't help your case, Willow." the former cheerleader snapped at her, and the redhead chose not to respond. "Nothing will. You guys are just...I can't even..." she drew in a deep breath, "God, I really thought of you as friends...YOU, God, you don't even worth the air I waste to form these words! NOTHING is beneath you on my scale."

"Wesley," Giles tried to get through to the younger ex-Watcher. "Perhaps we can all just sit down and."

"Mr. Giles," Wesley interrupted him, looking sternly in the older man's eyes. "I don't believe we have anything to talk about. The only thing you have to say in this stage is a very long, and better be convincing apology, and I believe you owe us THAT, at least. And you owe Angel so much more." He peered Giles deeply in the eyes, challenging a reaction from him.

"I see," Giles observed, nodding and adjusting his glasses. "You have indeed changed a lot, Wesley. I admire that."

The other man chose not to respond.

"You're scum," Cordelia berated them, "all of you. I could kill you for what you did to him."

"Didn't know you two were so close, Cordy. Thought you were over that in tenth grade," Xander remarked dryly.

"He's my best friend, you moron," she snapped at him, her eyes almost teary, and Gunn put an allaying hand on her shoulder before she proceeded, after flashing him a brief grateful smile. "Forget about what it meant to the rest of us to still think she's dead, cuz you know what? That isn't nearly the issue here. But him.can you even.GUESS what you did to him with that ONE little lie? He was walking around a wreck of a person for months, looking like someone who's lost more than he had, while in reality she was alive all along! How can you live with yourselves after doing something like that to a person?!"

The entire Sunnydale gang went mute, either having nothing important to say or just not daring to say anything.

"I already told Angel I was sorry," Willow finally dared to speak up. "I meant it. I am."

"Do you want me to tell you where you can shove your sorry or will that be overstepping my line?" Cordelia snapped back.

"What else do you want me to say?" the witch inquired, her eyes both angry and hurt.

"Here's a thought," Gunn suggested, "how about thinking first, doing later?"

"It is rather late for apologies, Willow," Wesley sided him. "There is no excuse for what you have done. And I am disappointed by you the most, Mr. Giles," he peered at the other Watcher for a moment. "You should have shown more judgement regarding the matter. You cannot even begin to understand the agony you put him through, and honestly, even if you could, I doubt you would have cared." He shook his head. "In this point, only someone like Angel can forgive you what you have done to him. If it were another, he wouldn't even want to look at you. I know I wouldn't." He allowed them a minute to take everything in, before speaking on. "And I am sorry for Buffy. She deserves real friends, especially in a time like this. You let her down in more ways than you can ever imagine, when she relied on you the most. If I'm not mistaken, you perhaps violated her trust first and foremost. Perhaps.although I doubt it's possible, more than you violated Angel's."

"Wesley," everyone immediately faced the vampire in question, who had just joined them. "That's enough," he said gently, his request contradicting the tiny sparkle of gratitude in his eye as he looked at his friend. "We've been over it. I don't want to go there again."

The other man nodded in silent comprehension, while Cordelia walked over to Angel and embraced him. "Are you okay?" she asked after pulling off. "Angel, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," he put his hands on her shoulders, substantiating his words with a smile, but it didn't convince Cordelia. Maybe years ago it would, but not anymore, it didn't.

"I'm so sorry."

"Cordy," Angel cut her again. "I'm okay. The important thing is," he took a deep breath, "there's nothing more important than the fact Buffy's alive, not for me, anyway."

She nodded, biting her lip.

Angel nodded too and gazed up from her face at Buffy's friends. "Where is she?" he inquired, his eyes losing every trace from the smile he had earlier given Cordelia. "She ran off in the middle of our conversation, which was over two hours ago. Where is she?"

They exchanged concerned glances, then Willow spoke. "Angel, maybe."

"Where is she?" he demanded sternly, not giving her the opportunity to say what she wanted.

"You know, as much as I would love to help you dig your own grave, this time, it's actually for your own good." Xander tried his luck, but failed as miserably as his best friend.

"WHERE is she?"

They exchanged another glance before Anya finally spoke.

"Solving problems with Riley, most probably. Do you still want the graphic description?" only after saying that, she realized maybe she shouldn't have been so harsh on him after all.

Everyone turned to Angel, who for a moment stood speechless, his mouth a bit open. Then he blinked, then frowned, then he blinked again, averting his eyes this time.

Cordelia, being the first to recover, put her arm around him, but he flinched from her. Without saying another word, he simply walked out of Giles' apartment. His friends followed in an instant.

Part Seventeen

"Buffy, are you sure?" Riley asked in a husky voice. HE was sure. He was way too sure to be asking this question, which was why he didn't know why he had. She had come to him willingly, that she had, he had no doubts about it. But something just seemed wrong. Her attitude.it was too desperate. "Maybe we'd better wait." he tried another approach, but the tone of his voice was convincing neither of them. "Maybe it's too soon?"

// "Buffy.maybe we shouldn't?" //

She suddenly froze, her gaze widened for a brief second as her eyes stared past Riley, at nothing in particular.

"Buffy?" he tried to draw her attention, and succeeded.

She looked back at him, traces of confusion, and that same throwing despair she hadn't been able to hide, still dimming the green of her eyes, even as she's looking directly into his lustful blue ones. "No," she let out that one word, firmly and quickly, surprisingly softly at the same time. "It's not too soon. I know what I want, Riley."

// "Don't," she put a finger to his lips, as they came even closer to hers. Her green eyes gazed into a soft chocolate brown ones, so soft and so passionate at the same time, craving her, wanting her, loving her with his gaze only. Yes, they should. "Just kiss me," she said, giving by that her final consent, and his mouth plugged her own in a soft ardent kiss as she lowered them both on the crimson satiny sheets of his bed. //

Buffy fought against the tears in her eyes, fortunately succeeding in keeping them inside as Riley's lips locked with hers in a soft kiss, which started growing more passionate as he lowered her on her bed, pulling her top over her head just before it hit the pillows. She endeavored to dispel these memories from her mind. She didn't want them, not now of all times. They were pain, they were tears, they were.love, countless other emotions she wasn't ready to feel and didn't think she ever would be ready. She reminded herself innumerable times why she was doing this. If she did, these memories, HIM, they'd be gone out of her life, there wouldn't be pain anymore. There would be no emotions, no feelings, nothing. There would be just Riley, she would forget about him, if she had Riley again. She had to. There were just some things in this world that couldn't be. Buffy made up her mind, and her hands roamed upwards, over his body, undressing him, as she tried to find some sort of familiarity in it, in the form of his chest, his arms.and there was none.

// Her hands wandered underneath his wet shirt, the black fabric still soaked in the rain, and clinging to his body as if it was refusing to get off. The same rain was now falling outside the small window, rapidly transforming into an almost hailstorm as lightning and thunder were occasionally breaking the silence of the night. He smelled of rain, his body was cool and refreshing to her touch, as her hands caressed the now bare, moist skin of his wide chest, seemingly knowing every spot of it, as her small body was gently cradled in his arms. //

Riley helped her get rid of his trousers, before pulling off her slacks as well, letting his hands stroke her smooth tanned skin as her arms gently wrapped around his neck, her body clinging to his as he pulled her even closer. When he started taking off her lace panties, she abruptly pulled slightly away from him. Their eyes met in a silent exchange and he reached his hand into the pocket of his slacks, which were currently on the floor next to the bed.

// It was her first time. She didn't know it would be so soon. Up until this morning, she hadn't even realized she was ready. And yet, only one look into his eyes, and the perfect feeling of peace and wholeness that washed over her the moment these strong arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace, showed her just how much she was. In the back of her mind, a voice prompted her they should use protection, and the fact he was a vampire had completely slipped her mind. But she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to break the perfect moment they were engaged in. At that particular moment, the mere though of his arms leaving her body was unbearable.

He kissed her softly on the shoulder, and a large gentle hand tenderly caressed her smooth back, while the other was just holding her close to him, possessively and lovingly at the same time. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her lips caressed his earlobe as she whispered 'I love you' into his ear. //

"I love you," Riley whispered into her ear, just before entering her, and Buffy fastened her grip of his shoulders, squeezing her eyes shut, not because of the physical pain, because after all, she wasn't a virgin anymore, but the emotions these three words had inflicted on her, words she had only then fully realized she would never be able to say back.

Riley cradled her in his arms, and she gave in to him, her hand occasionally caressing his broad back and the muscles of his arms as he pushed into her, letting her adjust to his size anew before becoming more intense. His body large against her, as he lay above her on the rumpled bed, their limbs entwined together in the vacant intimacy of the moment.

// "I love you," Angel's soft voice followed soon with an answer, "I love you so much." He tightened his embrace, until her body lay even more perfectly against his own, and pressed her into the sheets. His hands caressed every inch of her skin, as his lips roamed after them to rain her with gentle kisses, as he claimed her as his own. She let out a small cry and he stilled, looking at her, until the grimace of pain, as slight as it was, vanished from her face, and she opened her eyes again. "Are you alright?" he inquired, his voice caressing and so full of concern and love that it almost made her cry. "If it hurts you too much, I'll stop," he assured her.

Buffy smiled, reaching out with her hand to caress his cheek. "I love you," she said, angling up her head and meeting his lips in a kiss. "Please.just kiss me."

Angel covered her tiny hand with his own large one, and drew the inside of her palm to his lips, kissing it softly, as he closed his eyes, cradling her body to his as if it were his dearest treasure, and which it was. That little girl in his arms, the one he was making a woman that night, making his own, she was his dearest treasure of all. //

She wasn't feeling that pain now, only the one of her breaking heart. The heart that belonged to another, the heart that betrayed him, that betrayed them, that was endeavoring to give itself to someone it had never belonged to, and never could, that heart was now in pain.

The lips that kissed his lips did it only to remain preoccupied and not have to answer 'I love you' whenever he would say the words to her. And she never had. She never could.

She welcomed him into her, time and again, apparently used to his size, to his body, to the way in which he held her, and all the while, it all couldn't get more alien. It was pain. The exact thing she was trying to evade from, now, took over completely.

And he whispered 'I love you' again, and again, it stung so deep within her soul. It was the wrong voice.

Riley increased their pace, making the sex more fervent, more passionate, he shoved deeper into her, sliding through her arousal, bringing out the desire. And she collaborated, giving in to his every move, letting the sensation rise in both of them, striving for it to take over, to block the memories, but it never did.

// He was slow at first, slow and gentle, he gave her time to accustom to the size of his hard inside her, and to learn to enjoy it. It was her first time, he put that above everything else. He had asked her if it hurt, and she had merely smiled and told him she loved him. God, he loved her so much just for that!

He craved her, wanted her, wanted whole of her, wanted so much more of her than he could ever take. He couldn't stop touching her, caressing her, kissing her, loving her.

His hands glided down her slim arms, and their fingers entwined together in a tight grip, digging into each other's flesh. His hungry tongue stroked her small breasts, still so young, and her little nipples stood erect in response. He kissed all over them, granting coequally full attention to each one, tormenting them with his tongue as he increased the pace, managing to do that in a way she wouldn't even notice the difference, a way it wouldn't hurt. She let out a quiet moan, followed by his name, in such a soft and caressing voice it was music to his ears, and he responded with a gentle kiss on her smiling lips. //

He thought she had whispered his name, Angel's name. He thought he had heard it. But he dismissed that one too, together with the other times that loathed name had slipped her lips while she had been with him.

She moaned, digging her fingers in the muscles of his rear, as his hands cupped her breasts, manipulating their swell, and his fingers playing with the rigid nipples. He captured whole of them underneath his large palms, relishing their softness, as her hand on his rear urged him down on them, and their tempo grew even more. Whenever their lips encountered in a kiss, he tried to steal a glance into her eyes, but he never once caught them open. They were always shut to him, the very windows to her soul, and he could never know what was truly going on behind the heavy curtain of her lashes. Only her swollen lips were slightly parted, releasing small breaths that caressed his face.

// "Buffy," her name escaped his lips on a soft breath. The astonishingly warm air caressed her ear, and she smiled, and kissed the thumb of the hand that cupped the left side of her face, later running the tip of her tongue over it.

His other hand let go of hers, and he reposed it on her right cheek, as the one on her left one roamed to the back of her head, angling it up for their lips to meet, while he was thrusting into her in a slow, and yet gradually increasing tempo.

Her small hands wandered over his back, her fingers caressing his stiff muscles, the large Griffin tattoo on his left shoulder. Then she slid them down to his waist, embracing it and holding him close to her, their perspiring bodies glistening in the tender glow of the moon.

Abruptly, the glass in the small window shattered open, and a blast of cool raindrops showered them. He embraced her tighter, wrapping her body with his own. //

They climaxed together, and their grip on each other eased as they began to slow down their tempo, until they came to a complete halt. He pulled out of her, and his hands roamed down her arms, in an attempt to find hers, but instead of giving in, she simply loosely encircled his waist.

After their panting had sedated, her body lay limp and ostensibly trapped underneath his. A part of her felt like crying, but for numerous reasons, she couldn't let the tears run free. Not yet, anyway. She finally allowed herself to open her eyes and greet the dimness of her bedroom. Letting go of Riley completely, she wordlessly rolled from under him, and facing him with her back, pulled a sheet over her naked body, not giving the blond man any further notice starting that moment.

// He slowly drew out of her and rolled on his back, pulling her on top of him, cradling her naked body in his arms, raining mild kisses on her shoulders, face and hair. Her small hand found his and their fingers entwined, and he pulled it to his lips for a kiss.

"I love you," he whispered, and she beamed feebly, her hand that formerly rested on his shoulder roamed up to his face and stroked his cheek, until he leaned into it, closing his eyes.

"I love you," he heard her after a second, and planted a kiss on her blond crown, his free hand brushing over her back, cooling the heat of her body.

"Go to sleep," he suggested quietly, kissing her head again.

She snuggled deeper into his embrace and grinned, nuzzling his chest as he pulled the satiny comforter over them both. And the rain lolled her into a serene slumber. //

Her glassy eyes gazed through the darkness, tracing the moonlight, which led outside the open bedroom window, and a part of her missed the rain.

She ultimately rotated to face Riley, not before his breathing turned steady, indicating he was fast asleep. She beheld his sleeping face for a long moment with vacant eyes, before mouthing a silent 'I'm sorry'. Then she stood up, wrapped herself in a sheet, and headed to the bathroom.

On to Part Eighteen